Attention Truelove

Chapter 24

POV: Skylar

"Do you think you were fair to ask such things? If Jade not being able to carve out time for you made you so upset, do you think being able to spend meaningful time with someone, a partner, is important to you? And if so, why?" Dr. Parkland asks.

"It wasn't about her not being there physically, it was her not being there period. Even when we talked on the phone she was always checked out. Like my words didn't mean anything to her. Like I was a nuisance, a bother. I thought I would feel that way with Aphrodite too, but I Didn't, even though she's halfway around the globe I still feel like she cares. It wasn't about the time, it was about how the time we did have didn't mean as much to her as it meant to me. It's important, I want someone to care about me as much as I care about them. Even if she didn't have anything interesting to report that day, I didn't care. I just wanted to hear her voice. I was invested, and she wasn't. That's why I was so upset." I explain.

"So why didn't you relay your frustrations to her sooner? Why wait so long in limbo?"

"I loved her."

"But you didn't communicate that. Skylar, Jade, Aphrodite, or anyone for that matter can't read minds. They don't know when you are upset if you don't tell them. You have to communicate better, you have to tell them how it hurts and why it hurts. You have to be willing to open yourself up to them. If you don't communicate your desires, your needs, how will they ever know?" she asks me.

"It's hard..." I look down.

"I know it is, but that doesn't mean you give up. If one way isn't working, try telling them another way. And if they still don't care, then what do we do? Come on, together now,"

"We let go." We say in unison.

"Good. We do not cling to the anchor if the boat is taking on water. You must—" she motions with her arms.

"Let go." I finish.

"Good." She smiles.

"I've been working on my journaling as you said."

"Let me see," she outstretches her hand.

I hand her my notebook.

In her words, if I can't find the words to tell people how I feel, try telling it to myself first. See if that helps. Which, surprisingly, has been helping.

"So you don't like your new medication?" she reads my latest entry.

"It makes me feel sick all the time, I really don't like it. I feel nauseous and like I'm gonna hurl. Is there something else we can try?" I ask.

"Thank you for communicating that to me, and yes there is. I'll give a recommendation." She writes herself a note.

"Also..." I say.

She looks up at me then.

"I... I would like to try going home." I dare say.

"How has your schoolwork been coming along? Dr. Telemah says you've been getting good grades again, that you haven't been slacking in here."

"I don't want to fall behind in school."

"Is that all it is?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Overworking yourself can be a form of escapism too Skylar."

"Oh..." I look down.

"Do you think that's what's happening?" she prompts.

"No," I say right away. "Well..." I add.

She raises an eyebrow.

"Maybe," I admit.