Harry Styles Fanfiction - Remember Me?

Chapter 36

Oh how I wished everything could be like it was before I got diagnosed again. I wanted the life with him I had before, not this thing where we don't know how to feel around each other. I hated this in between thing, it was so complicated and confusing.

„I felt the same to be honest. I got kind of used to being alone, but I...I was still missing half of me." I admitted, not controlling my words. I didn't know why but I just let it out. Would he get it? Would he understand what I meant?

„Are you still missing it? Your other half?"

I looked him in the eyes, nodding slowly. „I am." I said quietly. „Are you?"

He looked away at some bird that sat on a tree, scrunching his nose and nodded. „I am too."

„I guess we both didn't change a bit after all." I said with a little laugh filled with a bit of sadness.

„I guess not, no..." He looked at me again, changing his position so he would sit closer to me, so close that my heart almost skipped a beat. „I hate that feeling..." He whispered. „...missing half of me when my other half is right there...so close, yet so far away.

He got a little bit closer again, his face so close to mine, I saw directly through his gorgeous eyes. Eyes almost as green as the grass around us.

„It's odd, isn't it?" I whispered back.

Before we knew it, we slowly leaned in, his hand was suddenly on my cheek, giving me goosebumps  all over my body and our lips crashed together for the first time again. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment, his soft, warm lips against mine. It felt the way it always did, like we didn't do anything else, like we were never not a couple.

I wanted this so bad, but why did it suddenly feel so wrong? Like I was using him...
It felt right, but somehow so wrong and I knew he felt it too.
He knew it didn't feel right...we both did.
We pulled away, looking at each other again. His expression hurt me. His green eyes were filled with sadness again, regret and disappointment.

„Why can't everything be like it was before..." He whispered against my lips.

„Because sometimes there's a reason why our other half is so far away..." I whispered back. „We needed to know for sure and this was the answer...it didn't feel right, did it?"

He shook his head no. „No, it didn't. I just don't get why..."

„Because too much happened since I left...to much shit happened, too much emotions happened and besides...I don't know if I could do this...us. I'm sorry."

He nodded slowly. „No, it's okay...I should have known."

„I just don't know what to feel right now or if I even feel something. I know it hurts, but I wanna be honest with you, because you're still so important to me and you always will be." I explained. „And I don't wanna hurt you any more, Harry."

„I get it, I do." He faked a smile. „So we're not meant to be?" He asked shyly, scared of the answer.

It fucking hurt saying this to him now, but it was only for the best. „No...I don't think so. I'm so sorry, Harry."

„No, it's fine. It's not your fault. Like you said, too much happened since you left." He faked a smile again and I hated this. I hated to hurt him. I didn't know what else to do than to lean forward and hug him tightly. He needed it, more than I did and I didn't want things to be even more weird between us.

„This doesn't mean we're not close anymore. We have a special bond and nobody can take that away from us. It doesn't have to be complicated, we're a family...right?" I hugged him so tight that I would give him the feeling of safeness like he always gave me.

„We're a family, yes." He said, his smile a bit more real now.

„Come on, let's forget this even happened and let's enjoy our time here and remember the beautiful things." I suggested, lying down into the grass, looking up at the sky, gesturing for Harry to do the same.

He nodded, following my lead and laid down beside me.

I continued talking, remembering the good times. „I remember us coming here late at night to watch the stars, forgetting about time, staying here 'til the A.M., just talking and talking. Our favorite conversations happened in the  A.M. and I always felt like these moments could be forever and never end. I didn't wanna sleep because this already felt like a dream, a beautiful one. Remember how we used to kick around just wasting time?" I asked him.

He smiled. „I do. These were the best times ever. We were so free, didn't have to think of any of our problems and could just enjoy life... You know, I'm always going back to this place..." He turned his head to the side to smile at me.

„I would too. It's a special place." I turned to look at him and smiled back.

And just like that, Harry and I stayed there ‚til the A.M., talking out of our asses and watching the stars above us, forgetting about time.
Just like the good, old times.