How To Love

97

Jalanee Coleman

After a few weeks of Kentrell begging me to overcome my fear,and come visit him in jail,I reluctantly agreed to go.

I arrived at the prison and was kind of shaken up when I went through security,they had big guns on their sides as they scanned me. They gave me a visitor's tag. I was scared,all these big men kept staring at me. I don't know how Kentrell small body self does it in here.

Reading the signs on every wall I encountered,I made my way to a large room with round tables. I walked around,as my eye caught an empty table. I sat at the table nervously,letting my nails tap against the metal.

A guard escorted Kentrell over to the table,and handcuffed him to the table. He looked up at me and smirked. His hair was a mess and he looked like he hasn't had any sleep. He just looked so hurt.

"You got 20 minutes." The guard said sternly to him,walking off.

"Wassam pretty girl." He said cheesing at me.

"I thought you said we'll be behind a wall." I said,referring to our phone call.

"I thought so too,youn like this?"He smirked. "I get to see your pretty ass,might fuck around and touch you."

"I do." I gave him a small smile. "I just don't like seeing you like this." I said reaching over for his hand. The guard gave me a look,so I hesitantly pulled away. My heart broke just seeing how miserable he looked. He seemed so used to being in jail,which wasn't a good thing.

"Man,hold my hand. These bitches not doing nothing." He said,making me look back at the guard. He mugged me and nodded,signaling for me to proceed. I retook his hand,and ran my thumb over it.

Kentrell's tongue licked his lower lips,as he sat up
and stared at me. "The fuck you got on?" He said as his eyes darted down to my exposed cleavage.

"My boobs been hurting my back. I didn't feel like wearing a bra." I said simply. "And I didn't want to come here in your clothes,I told you my clothes don't really fit the same anymore."

"Don't come up in here again with that on." He said. "You look fine as hell though." He said swinging his legs together,repeatedly.

I wish I could've said the same about him. "No I don't." I said pulling my hair back from my face. "I can tell the guards don't really like you. What did you do?"

"I just don't be letting them bitch me around."

"But i thought you was well behaved in here?"

"Somewhat. They don't be fucking with me as much anymore." He shrugged. "Say' you remember that night you was white girl wasted and you was like Dave gon haunt us. Look at us now."

We both laughed and I shook my head. "You hell." I said. "We find out what we're having tomorrow." I tried my best to put a smile on my face,but I just couldn't fake it. This is not how I imagined things to be,at all. I really wanted to be in that doctors office with him,boasting about the gender of our children.

"Time flying by."

"I know. I really didn't want to go,Jayda offered to go with me so I thought that'll be better then nothing."

"My mama told me to tell you she wanted to go with you. You already know how that shit went."

"I wouldn't mind."

"She just want to start some shit. I told her ass to leave you alone. Plus the way shit looking for me,I'm gon be in here for probably a while. They gon find some shit,I'll be outta here by the time our kids legal."

"Kentrell stop." I really didn't want to think about the situation we were both in. He really didn't deserve none of this,and I hated how he felt like the world was against him. Even though,for the most part it was true,I always tried my best to make him feel loved,hoping it'll overpower all the hate he gets. We sat in silence,as the other visitors and prisoners chatted among us. Kentrell eyes sat low as he stared at me.

"If I end up spending the next few years in here,don't bring em in here to see me. You don't got a worry about nothing either. I promise you and my kids gon be straight for life. " He said trying to soothe me,like I was the one being locked up.

"You're going to get out of here. Can you stop talking like that?"

"You really think that?" He asked,arrogantly.

"Just stop thinking so negative,we don't need to be having this conversation now,not even at all." I semi-yelled,scrunching my nose up.

"I'm just letting you know wassup." He mumbled.

I rolled my eyes,and slipped my hands out of his. I hated the way he talked when he was scared or nervous,it just rubbed off on me and I didn't want to think negativity either.

"Like I said you'll be out in no time. I'm praying for you,it's about time that you start praying for yourself Kentrell. The way you're talking is scaring me."

He let out a shaky breath,and his tongue slid over his bottom lip.

"You not lyin. It's bout time I start praying for myself and talking to god."

"Times up Gaulden."

"You gon come back to see me?" He asked as the guard came over,to replace the cuffs behind him. I nodded

"Keep your head up Kentrell,God is going to see you through." I said walking around the table,standing in front of him,

"I just know you been talking to Nana all day." He laughed. "I'm serious. Behave in there. I'll swing by maybe at the end of the week." I said watching the guard's movements with Kentrell.

"I gotchu ma." He said planting a kiss on my lips,before the guards yanked his body back.

"You know the rules. No touching,I let you slide with holding hands." The guard said sternly.

Kentrell sucked his teeth and looked back at me. "You see what I'm talm' bout? Say' just take me to my fucking cell" He said.

My baby. His spirits just seemed so low. I watched as the guards walked him out of the room. I thought time running out on the phone was bad,but in person was worst. I just wanted to sit there and talk to him for hours. He really needed a blessing coming his way.

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