K-Pop OTP One Shots {Closed for Requests}

39) Namjoon and Jin (BTS) - Amnesia (Angst)

Members: Namjoon and Jin of BTS (Bangtan Boys)

Description: Namjoon takes another painful trip to his lover's grave.

Genre: Angst

Inspiration: This one Chinese gay film I watched the other day.

It was a rather sunny day out as Namjoon dragged his feet across the grassy floor of the cemetary. The small bouquet of flowers swayed back and forth in his hands, the vibrant pink blooms aimed toward the ground beneath his feet.

His pace came to even lower speed when he caught sight of his destination. With a heavy sigh, Namjoon leaned down to his knees and lowered his head for a few seconds.

This was where Namjoon always found himself every Saturday afternoon, in this exact same spot. The funeral had happened over a year and half ago, but Namjoon couldn't help but feel drawn to the polished stone.

Everytime he would lay eyes on it, the memories would come flooding back. Like gallons of water breaking through a dam, they would fill his mind once again. Not just the happy ones but the bad ones, too. But these days, Namjoon couldn't tell the difference between them anymore; they both made him sad.

"There you are. I've been waiting for you for like 20 minutes."

"Sorry, love. It's just that work was packed and everytime I tried to leave someone would ask me for something. Sorry."

"I guess it's okay."

"Good because I do not like it when you get mad. It's honestly the scariest thing ever."

"Yah!"

"I'm just kidding. So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I'll tell you, but...you have to promise you won't get mad or overreact or anything, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"I went to the clinic the other day, you know, for my usual check up and this time they wanted some blood samples from me. So, I let them take some and they tested and said they'd call me if anything odd showed up. I wasn't too worried about it because I thought I was perfectly healthy, you know. But they called me today...Namjoon...I tested positive for HIV."

"W-What? What do you mean you tested positive for HIV? How did you even get that?"

"That's the worst part...I don't know. Maybe it was from one of my exes or...or maybe I had it all along and just didn't realize it."

"Well...what are we going to do?"

"I don't know that either, but I do know that there can't be a 'we' anymore. It's too dangerous for you and the last thing I want to do is hurt you and get you sick."

"So that's it? Just because you have some disease you think you can use that as an excuse to just break up with me?"

"Yes, I do. Namjoon, I don't want to do this, trust me. If there was another way I would use it, but there isn't. Who knows, I might have already given it to you. And I...I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was the one who got you sick. I just...this is what's best."

"No, it isn't. And there is another way."

"Oh, really? What is it?"

"It's called hope. It's called having faith that you will beat this."

"How do you know I can?"

"Because you're a fighter, Jin. You have gone through shit that lots of people can't even say they've been through and you're still here. That should say something."

"But...what if I'm not a fighter anymore? W-What if I lost all my strength?"

"Then I'll give you mine."

"Namjoon, no-"

"No, listen to me for a second. I love you and I made a vow to stay with you in sickness and in health the day we got married. And no disease or blood test is gonna make me break that. Not now, not ever."

"You really mean that?"

"Of course I do, Jin. I am not leaving your side ever again and I'll even quit my job and find an at home job if I have to. I'm not going to let you give up this easily."

"I love you, too."

"Promise me you won't lose hope."

"I promise."

"You promised me," Namjoon spoke softly, his words coming out as a whisper. "You fucking promise me, Jin." He wanted so badly to blame and hate the love of his life for leaving him like this: all alone. He at least could have warned him before he just took off.

Despite all the anger Namjoon felt toward the elder, he kept coming back to this same spot every Saturday afternoon to see him. He still changed his flowers once the old ones were dead and gone: just like him.

"I wish I could just forget you," Namjoon continued, his eyes overflowing with tears. "I wish that one day I could just wake up with amnesia so I wouldn't remember you at all. You promised me you wouldn't give up, but what do you call this? This isn't keeping a promise, Jin. This isn't where you're supposed to be. You're supposed to be here with me...alive and breathing and smiling and laughing and cooking. Why aren't you here? Why aren't you here, goddamn it?"

The salty droplets of water were now flooding Namjoon's red face. He had to stop for a minute and let all of his inner emotions out, burying his face in his hands. He didn't usually do this when he visited, but today he just couldn't hold it in anymore.

"You said you wanted to protect me," Namjoon proceeded. "That you couldn't live if you got me sick. Well, guess what, Jin? I have it, too. I got tested and I have it too, so what the hell do you expect me to do?"

Namjoon sometimes wished the grave could talk back to him, that there could be some way for Jin to see what a mess he made out of Namjoon's life. But it just stood there motionlessly, like the rock it was.

Namjoon couldn't find it in his heart to say anything else. There was nothing left in his heart except for loneliness and sorrow; he was drained completely empty. He wiped his heated face with both hands and set the flowers in front of the stone before picking up the dead ones.

With one last glance at his eternal love, Namjoon took a deep breath and started walking towards the exit.

Away from the love he once knew. Away from the life he once enjoyed. Away from the grave that read,

In loving memory of

Kim Seok Jin

December 4, 1992 - September 15, 2014