Behind the Curtain [Seo Changbin ff]

25

- No, fuck, fuck, fuck, this is wrong! - I pushed his body aside, jolting up and nervously pacing up and down the room.

- Jiho, it was just a kiss... - Changbin looked at me with a pained frown, almost as if he was hurt.

- This is wrong. - I kept on repeating, my eyes open wide, heart pounding at a crazy pace in my chest.

- Did it feel wrong? - He asked feebly, his gaze going down to stare at the bedsheets.

Did it feel wrong? No, not at all.

For how much I hated to admit it, I had loved every millisecond of that kiss, even if it had been cut short by my paranoia. I felt as if my insides were being flipped inside out, my cheeks burning and breath hitching.

It didn't feel wrong.

It felt insanely good.

- Did it feel wrong for you? - I asked in return, my tone low and insecure.

He shook his head, a faint smile appearing on his face.

- It didn't. -

- I don't want to do things I'll regret later, Changbin... - I said, taking a step back, almost whimpering.

I was scared. Terrified.

I was terrified something could go wrong, or that maybe I was going to regret giving in the day after.

- You tell me to stop, and I stop. - He was still sitting on the bed, doe eyes staring at me.

I sighed, slowly making my way towards the bed, where I sat at the very edge.

- I didn't make you uncomfortable, did I? - He crawled towards me, gently stroking my cheek and looking at me worriedly.

I shook my head.

- N-No, I'm probably just overthinking... I'm a little scared, Changbin. - I met his eyes, that weird feeling stirring my insides once again.

He smiled cutely, cooing at me.

- It's okay, Jiho, it's normal to be nervous. - He brushed a few hair out of my face, making me blush at the gesture. - If you don't want to, we can always do something else. -

- N-No, it's okay. - I finally admitted, smiling softly as I saw his eyes light up.

- Are you sure? - He asked one last time.

I nodded, smiling and leaning in again.

This time, our kiss wasn't cut short.

Our lips were perfectly synchronized, moving together in a sweet exchange. I closed my eyes, wanting to enjoy the moment to the fullest while his hand cupped my cheek, his thumb grazing it gently.

We parted, held-back smiles on both our faces.

I climbed onto his lap, straddling him and kissing him again, letting his hand roam freely on my body. He gently held my waist, caressing it warmly.

My breath got heavier, overthinking everything I could overthink on. Was he going to dump me right after? Was he going to like my body? Would have he liked me?

I was almost having a panic attack, starting to hyperventilate.

- C-Can we just cuddle? - I asked, suddenly feeling too nervous at the thought of going further.

His gaze softened, his hands still not leaving my waist as he broke into a cute smile.

- Of course. -

We laid down on the bed, facing each other. His arm was swung over my waist, caressing my back, while his other was under my head, giving me a place to rest it on.

He kept on looking at me fondly, that smile still not leaving his face.

I nuzzled into him, enjoying his warmth.

- Jiho, can I ask you a question? - He suddenly said, making me frown worriedly.

- Yes, sure, what is it? -

A few seconds of silence passed by.

- Was that your first kiss? -

I shook my head no, his expression unreadable to me.

I internally laughed, thinking of my actual first kiss.

- No, it was with Felix in middle school, way before he actually realized he was gay. We still laugh about it. - I giggled, Changbin's face darkening instead.

- I'm sad now. - He turned to face the ceiling, crossing his arms and pouting.

- Aww, did Binnie want to be my first kiss? - I cooed, making fun of him.

He playfully punched my arm, offended at my mocking.

- Fuck you. -

- If you're lucky enough, you'll get to do that. - I laughed, Changbin rolling his eyes.

- Why are you like this?! - He groaned, trying to cover and adjust the growing bulge in his shorts.

- Sorry, I had to. - I giggled as he stayed in silence for a while, staring at the ceiling.

- I'm gonna go to the bathroom. - He announced, standing up and leaving he room.

Back then, I was too innocent to think he was gonna do anything else besides using the toilet.

•••

He finally came back after what it felt like ages. I had been scrolling through my phone, laying on my stomach and swinging my legs in the air, patiently waiting for him.

He made his way towards his side of the bed, that towards the desk, laying down and staring at the ceiling.

Even if it had noticeably decreased, a slight layer of sexual tension still lingered in the room.

I put my phone down, turning towards him, making my way under the covers.

- Changbin? -

- Hm? - He turned towards me, eyelids threatening of closing from tiredness.

- I'm sorry. I told you we could do it and then I stopped you before even starting. - I looked at him apologetically, but I was met with an almost imperceptible smile.

- It's okay, Jiho, don't worry. Now let's sleep, today was really tiring. -

I nodded, smiling gratefully and observing him as he joined me under the warm duvet. Again, he was facing the ceiling, avoiding to look at me.

- Changbin? - I called out again.

He turned his head towards me, almost asleep.

- Hm? -

- Can I? - I asked, trying to make him understand I wanted to snuggle into him by opening my arms and making grabby hands, but his eyes were already closed.

- Whatever you want, Ji. - He muttered, dragging his words.

I smiled at his cuteness, making my way towards him and curling up in a ball against his body, loving the warmth radiating from him. He turned towards me, spooning my body before falling asleep completely.

I closed my eyes, enjoying that weird new feeling which I had never experienced.