Behind the Curtain [Seo Changbin ff]

10

Three weeks had passed, and I was already starting to skip some days of school. Some days it was because of my mom, some others it was to clean up after my dad, who would always leave glass bottles and beer cans everywhere in the house, while some other days it was for my lack of energies.

That Monday was my first day of class after missing the whole previous week, and it felt like hell.

I had lost so much weight that it was a burden for me to even stand. Thankfully, I would steal some ice cream at work, but I couldn't live off of ice cream for the rest of my life.

I finally made it to the school entrance after a too long walk, during which I had almost fallen four times, my legs giving up on me.

I panted hard as I finally sat down at my desk, my legs trembling.

- Jiho, are you okay? - My teacher worriedly looked at me, motioning to stand up to walk towards me.

- Y-Yeah, I've just had a rough couple of days at home. - I sighed, leaning back in my chair.

I inhaled deeply, finding the courage to ask something I would have never asked unless I was desperate. And I was.

- C-Can I.... Can I have some food? - My eyes became watery, my vision blurred.

I was tired, with no energy left, only the will to cry my eyes out. I didn't want to endure that pain anymore, I couldn't endure the burden of all those things at 18.

Maybe it would have been better if I died.

- Oh, God, yes, sure! You can go to the nurse's office, I'll give you a pass. - She rushed to the desk, immediately scribbling something on a paper and handing it to me.

I stood up, my legs shaking as I slowly made my way out of the classroom. I held onto the wall for stability, breathing heavily and hoping I could make it to the nurse's office in time.

I swung the door open, collapsing on the floor as soon as I entered the room.

I blacked out for a couple of seconds, crawling on the closest chair, waiting. I let out a heavy exhale, my legs burning.

- Hi, dear, what did y... Oh God, what happened? I'll bring you some hot tea. - The nurse rushed out of the office as soon as she saw me, coming back a few minutes after with a hot tea and a few sugar packets in her hand.

I took them, shakily tearing them open and pouring the content inside the cup.

The nurse sat next to me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder as I brought the cup to my mouth.

- Have you been suffering from anorexia for a long time? - She asked sweetly, but I shook my head as a few tears made their way to my eyes.

- I-It's not anorexia. I-I don't have money. - I threw my head back, resting it on the wall behind me.

I let my tears fall free, crying in the silence of the empty room.

- The school can give you a scholarship, why didn't you ask for it? -

I shook my head, wiping away the wetness falling on my cheeks. I pondered for a while on whether I should have told her or not.

- We have money, b-but... my father spends it all, and I can't work another job... - I started sobbing profusely, my eyes burning as my body heated up.

- Dear, you need to report it! You must go to the police and report your father! -

Again, I shook my head.

- I can't. He's my dad, I-I can't do this to him. - I let more tears fall free, burying my face in my hands as I desperately let out all the pain I had been keeping in ever since my mom died.

The nurse sighed, caressing my head while my body shivered and trembled.

She was right: I couldn't keep on living like that anymore, but I couldn't survive without my dad either. He was the only piece I had left of my family, the only one still tying me to my mother. Losing him meant losing her, along with our house, my room, and the little money he got from his shitty part-time job he managed to preserve in spite of his addiction.

I exhaled heavily, closing my eyes for a moment and enjoying the silence which had fallen on the room. Only my breath could be heard.

I felt a piece of paper being sneaked inside my hand, the nurse looking at me warily.

- This is for today, but it can't go on like this forever. I can't decide for you, but I gave you my advice, dear. -

I looked at the piece of paper in my hand: a few Korean won, but enough for me to buy something. I smiled faintly, holding onto that money for dear life, crumbling the paper in the process.

- Thank you. - I smiled feebly, tasting the salty water of my own tears.

The nurse just nodded and smiled in return, patting my shoulder gently before standing up, going back to her desk.

- You can stay here until lunchtime, if you need to. Drink that tea and eat some of those candies over there, if you need to. - She pointed at a bowl on the table close to my chair, where multiple kinds of sweets were stacked.

I drank little more of the tea before standing up to grab a granola bar from the bowl, immediately eating it as soon as I unwrapped it.

My stomach burnt at the sensation of finally being able to wrap around something after two whole days.

Following the nurse's advice, I stayed in her office until the bell rang, signalling lunchtime had started.

I bid her goodbye, thanking her throughly and bowing countless times before I made my way out of the door towards the cafeteria.