Talking to myself- YeonBin

Chapter 81- Lies

YEONJUN POV

It was working

I hesitantly moved my other hand up to his hand which was left over my neck holding the knife, slightly piercing my skin but not enough for me to worry.

Slowly I wrapped my hand around the blade of the knife and pulled it forwards. Soobin's grip on the hilt seemed to loosen as he forgot to pay any attention to me.

Now holding the knife, it was my turn.

I questioned how to handle the situation, nothing processing through the panic. I had to go off of instinct. Logic was far from useful at this point.

"Get off" I suddenly said, practically not thinking before speaking.

Soobin's head lifted and looked at me, his empty eyes attempting to look hopeful.

I lifted my armed hand to his neck, my hand shaking slightly, nervous from the possible outcomes.

"You don't want to do that Yeonjun" Soobin said, his voice confident yet somewhat hitched.

He was frightened but not. That's what people like him find so confusing. He's so full of himself and himself only that he only ever though he was undefeatable, simply always correct however every so often when someone stands up to them they appear defensive as if they are insecure of where they are.

"I would kill you, but I can't. I need to kill you, I need to, but I can't" I replied, pushing my hand higher up onto him.

Soobin removed himself from my body and stood back, watching as I stood up.

"So you would kill someone? You aren't too different from me" he smiled.

I thought back to what I said. The words 'I need to kill you' rattled through my head over and over, tormenting me over and over.

"I'm nothing like you" I hissed.

"But you said you needed to kill me. Come on, you know you want to. Wouldn't it feel nice to hurt someone. I know it would relieve you of all this stress you seem to be feeling. How do you think I stay calm? Those friends of yours were good for stress relief. KIlling those girls in school and that useless kid Taemin. It all made me feel better. I could feel happy that you wouldn't leave me." Soobin rambled, smiling as his eyes raced around as if they were looking for some form of answer.

"Look at all these photos, I did it all because I loved you. I took this one when I followed you and the others to the skating rink a year ago at christmas. I took this one the day Taehim died to remind me that you didn't know. You smiled in this picture not knowing what you had caused." Soobin continued, looking through all the photos spread out on the bed where I had dropped them earlier and not paying attention to what I was doing.

As he continued to ramble, I slipped my phone out of my jumper's pocket blankly, not bothering to say anything in response to his massive breakdown.

This would likely be the only chance I have.

I dialled the police number and placed my phone on a bedside table after I heard it ring.

There was no way I could talk to an officer so they were just going to have to listen to what was happening and I'd have to pray they could help.

"Answer me when I talk to you" Soobin suddenly snapped.

"Why would I want to hear about your years of stalking me? Killing people so you could have me to yourself? MY OWN FRIENDS SOOBIN" I spat.

"Because you love me"

"Not this again. I loved the you I thought I knew, not THIS" I yelled, gesturing to all of the mess.

"You do love me Yeonjun" Soobin hissed, approaching me quickly.

I raised the blade I was still holding in front of me, trying to keep him away but he didnt care. He continued to lurch forward quickly. But just a bit too quick.

I didn't anticipate for him to continue to come forward with a blade standing in his way but he did.

He continued to corner me into the wall until I was pressed against it, hands quivering at my chest with the knife tightly in my grip.

"Go on, hurt me" Soobin instructed in a growl.

I shook my head, tears forming as his constant switching around and threats finally started to take their toll.

No matter how horrible he was, I wasn't going to turn into someone like him.

Harshly he attached his hand to mine, not trying to snatch the weapon from me but doing something much worse.

As he attached his hand to mine he dragged it forwards towards him. I resisted as much as I could but it was no use. He was strong and confident, pulling me forward until the tip of the knife rested on his right shoulder.

"Do it" he urged, his voice intoxicating and confusing.

When I didn't move, he laughed lightly and pushed forwards, my hand being the one pushing the blade into him but his force being the one in control. I felt it sinking through him as if he were nothing, the feeling urging tears to fall from my eyes. Not out of empathy. Out of disturbance.

Blood slowly started to pour from his shoulder, a sick smile plastering his face as he pushed it in further until it stopped.

"Why?" I whispered as he let my hand slip from his, my body slumping down the wall and to the floor where rivers of crimson red pooled at my feet, my body curling up to avoid it as much as possible.

I felt suffocated, like I was about to die as he stared down on me, still smiling.

He slowly bent down to me, holding my face to look him in the eyes.

"It's easier than you think isn't it, look at what you did" he giggled.

"It wasn't me, it really wasn't" I whispered breathily, suddenly panicking that somehow it was my fault.

Soobin pulled his good arm up and pulled the blade from the other, blood spurting out through his white shirt. The shrilling noise of the blade slipping out made me wince and clench my eyes closed.

I didn't even care that he was the one in possession of the knife anymore. I want to get out.

"Tell me you love me Yeonjun" Soobin suddenly said again as if my answer would somehow change.

I didn't. I didn't love Soobin but I was even more terrified of what would happen if I said I didn't rather than if I said I did.

So I took a shaky deep breath before giving into the lie. "I- love you. Soobin, I love you so much."

Soobin didn't waste a moment before pressing his lips onto mine. "Good boy, I knew you did."

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.

"It's a shame I can't say the same anymore" Soobin smiled as he lurched his arm upwards, stabbing me through the side.

My lie hadn't worked

The monster had got me

Maybe I will be leaving my friends behind after all

But I'm not dead, not yet

A/N

Well, fuck. Don't go thinking its all over, no no no, there are still a couple more chapters of hell to sit through so be readyyyyyyyyyy.

Votes and comments are appreciated as always :)

Love you all more than anything <3

~Author C