Talking to myself- YeonBin

Chapter 14- Why not me

SCHOOL
Kai POV

Note- I didn't detail the two weeks they had off of school but you will potentially see flashbacks of the weeks to make certain things make sense.

Finally BH Highschool was open again. The corridors were busy with people talking and rushing around and then there was me. Over the past two weeks I've progressively been feeling worse and worse. Not as in unwell, just no motivation, no energy, no happiness and just generally not feeling myself. I was walking through the halls observing silently as I wandered to study hall. I haven't told my friends about his mood change and I'm determined not to ruin all the work weve done just because I feel different. Yep, i've been putting on a fake smile all along just so I don't bother anyone, so nobody will know. The closer I got to the classroom the more my mood seemed to rise. I purposely plaster a smile over my face and enter the room as if nothing was ever wrong.

And there they were. Yeonjun sitting on his shared desk with Soobin and Beomgyu with Taehyun. Soobin was clearly reading something with Yeonjun watching over his shoulder occasionally saying something to him. Tae and Beomgyu were talking to each other with loving gazes and again there I was, alone. I sat next to Tae silently leaning on the wall beside me. At this point I'm just a 3rd wheeler.

"Hyuka" Beomgyu said, finally noticing my presence. "Finally you're here" Taehyun said with a smile. "Yeah I'm here now" I smiled trying to seem as normal as possible, "um were supposed to perform in here" I asked looking around at the classroom full of tables and chairs. There was no way. It was a valid question to be fair. "Oh we will be moving to the gym halls stage" Yeonjun answered. "Oh cool" I responded happily. I just want to get these performances over and done with. As if by magic Mr Hwang appeared, spooking everyone in the classroom "lets move to the gym, you will have 10 minutes to get ready one were there" he said loudly as he grabbed his bag from his desk and guided me as well as the rest of the class down the now deserted hallways towards the gym.

When we arrived in the gym the stage was set up with large velvet curtains covering the performance area. Everyone split off into their groups with some heading to get changed while others warmed up their vocals. Yeonjun and Soobin left to get changed while Tae and Beomgyu got the backing files prepared on their laptop ready to give to the teacher leaving me alone once again. I sat on the floor stretching out, intrusive thoughts occupying my mind. I've done everything for this group but I feel overlooked. It's not that they don't care about me, definitely not. It's understandable that Tae and Beomguy are occupied with each other because their dating but it doesn't mean I should feel like this. I want to be involved, I want to have them love me. Wait what am I thinking, maybe it's just me being stressed or tired or something.

I was snapped out of my trance as Yeonjun returned with Soobin as they came to sit next to him. "Hey KaiKai, what are you thinkin about?" Soobin asked as he began stretching. You see although i've been feeling down I always manage to feel slightly better when they talk to me, it distracts me from thoughts like those. "Just the performance, do you know what order it is in?" I ask. It's a lie but hey, it's not hurting anyone. "We're last so we have plenty of time," Yeonjun starred as he ruffled my hair. Now this was nice but it didn't feel right.

Before long it was time for the performances. The lights were switched off with the stage lights being the only remaining source in that room as everyone sat in their seats anticipating the show ahead. The performances were amazing with some lively dancing to fast extreme rap songs. Believe me this show had it all. Mr Hwang sat to the side with his small light and marking papers, writing down notes for each performance and quite frankly enjoying life. I was relatively nervous about the performance but I didn't really have time to worry. Group by group the amount of people in front of us got smaller and smaller until there was just one grup left in front. Me and the boys all exchanged a look of questioning before heading backstage. Everything was real back there, I could see the group performing in front of us through the wings of the stage. It was a nice performance. I felt a wave of nerves rush as the stage before us ended with loud clapping and cheering.