Talking to myself- YeonBin

Chapter 16- Quit with the bullshit

AFTER THE GROUP CHAT CONVERSATION
Hueningkai POV

I put my phone down and stayed facing downwards, I don't feel like getting scolded. "Kai" I heard Beomgyu say. I looked up in response to see his soft eyes looking at me as he clung to Teahyun. "Has everything been okay with you Kai?" Taehyun asked, "you've been, how do I say it, easy to upset I guess" he added. Now I'm lost, I really tried to cover it well, did I not do well enough? "Ummm... yeah I'm all good haha" I answered. Fuck. I've really screwed myself over now.

We all sat in silence. I don't think they're buying my answer at all. "Quit with the bullshit Kai" Beomgyu said in a raised voice, kinda startling me and Taehyun, making him apologise to Tae with a glance. "Sorry to be sudden but what the fuck Kai. Something clearly wrong" he said, still in a loud voice. "Gyu I'm fine, I swear, theres nothing" I lied. The more he asks, the harder it gets for me to be silent. I felt my eyes well up with tears but I refrained from letting them fall. I refuse to let myself cry.

"Then why are you so sensitive. You always look like you're gonna cry and you just don't seem yourself. During practice you would seem off, I thought it would be the stress of performing but we've done that now and you're still different. What's going on Hyuka?" Taehyun said. He started off sounding rather harsh but he finished off with a softer voice. I don't want to cry but I can feel my tears threatening to fall.

"I don't even know myself guys. I just feel wrong" I admitted eventually. Beomgyu softened his gaze along with Taehyun. "Kai, are you sure you don't know?" Beomgyu asked. He isn't trying to be pushy, he just wants to help. "Honestly I don't really know for sure. I just want someone to pay attention to me. You two are dating, Yeonjun and Soobin are all over each other. What's left for me?" I said, finally letting tears leave my eyes. I felt smaller tears turn into bigger ones as they ran down my cheeks and off of my face. So much for not crying Kai.

At this point the others were speechless. They had no idea they were hurting me like that. Though it isn't their fault they still felt sympathy for me. Did not expect that. "Don't cry Kai. come here and give us a hug" Taehyun said softly. I slowly walked over them until I was pulled into a warm embrace of the pair. The problem is they still don't know the full truth. This felt right to me. It felt like I belonged with them. I felt truly loved.

"Kai, you tell us whenever you need anything. Just because me and Tae are dating doesn't mean that's all we're focused on" Beomgyu assured, stroking my head. I looked at Taehyun. If anyone was gonna have a bad reaction it would be him but as I turned to him I saw pure sympathy in his eyes. "Don't look to me for approval. I'm your friend of course it's fine" Taehyun said, clearly he knew my concerns.

"I'm sorry" I whispered thinking neither of them would hear me. "Excuse me, why are you sorry?" Taehyun asked. "Um well, just the fact that this even happened" I lied. I was actually apologising for what I was feeling. I shouldn't feel this way about my friends that are literally dating. If they knew, imagine how disgusted they would be with me. One of their friends turns around and ruins their relationships with his own feelings. Yeah, I don't think so.

"No apologising" Taehyun said as he married his eyes at me jokingly, making me laugh slightly. I was released from their embrace and sat next to them. Im kinda uncomfortable with my situation mentally at the moment but hey, oh well.

Author POV-

The rest of that evening was okay. After their little moment they went to bed pretty much instantly, drifting off into a peaceful sleep. Beomgyu slept in Taehyun's arms while Kai slept alone in his room. He did feel kinda sad about the fact that he hadn't told them the worst part but he simply couldn't bear the thought of damaging their relationship.

A/N

Sorry if its short and that its been a while. I have mock exams going on so I've been very busy with that but I hope to start uploading again. This is kinda a shorter chapter but the next one will be longer for sure :)
~Author C