More Reverse Batfam Trash

Mother's Day with Alfred Pennyworth

-Everyone loves the batler!-

Ages:

Damian - 17

Tim - 15

Jason - 10

Dick - 5

DAMIAN

Alfred became conscious of a presence hanging just out of sight as he was wiping down the kitchen counters.

"Can I help you, Master Damian?"

Damian appeared before him, as if from thin air. "My mother wants me to visit, should I?"

"How was school?"

"School was fine. Should I visit her?"

"Is this mother the same that you swore you'd see next in the afterlife last month?"

"Yes."Damian said though grit teeth. "But should I visit her?"

"May I ask if you're being rhetorical, Master Damian."

"I am not."

Alfred finally put down his dish towel and faced Damian head-on. "What are the benefits of visiting your mother?"

"She wants me to."

"And what are the detractions?"

"She'll ask about my new 'brothers', make me sum up how school is, saythat I should come home, and try to recruit me for a job." He listed off, pausing to think here and there. "So should I meet her?"

"It seems you've already reached a conclusion for that."

"What do you think?"

"In general, I do not encourage assassinations." Alfred admitted. "Particularly in the house."

"So what do I tell her?"

Alfred shook his head and got started on dinner. "There I can't help you. But I remember that Master Jonathan Kent called yesterday to ask when you're free..."

*

TIM

"And I wanted to kiss him, but when it was his turn and he was told to kiss someone in the circle, HE KISSED CASSIE!"

"Most frustrating, Sir."

"I mean, what does she have that I don't? Tits?" 

"Language, master Timothy."

Tim sighed deeply. "...do you think Bart would like me if I was a girl?

"I couldn't possibly say." 

Tim sat in silence for another minute or so. "She's not even that hot, you know." He said with a dismissive tone and supercilious expression. "I mean- okay, that sounds bad, because she's my best friend, but she's not that hot. She's genius and funny and beautiful, but- like- She's not hotter than me, right?"

"Though I can hardly comment on miss Sandsmark," Alfred started, careful with his phrasing. "You, Master Timothy, have features that, when compared with master Allan, are quite impressive."

Tim heaved a huge upset sigh. "Do you think he'll come around and Like me?"

"I'm sure it is inevitable." Alfred said, taking Tim's empty plate.

"Thanks, Alfred. I'm Gonna go to bed." Tim said with yawn. 

"Good night, Master Timothy."

*