Kind of a normal update.. Maybe a little bit short, sorry. I'm tired.
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Today’s the day. I’m officially going to New York, and I couldn’t say that I was excited about it. I was nervous. Scared. Terrified. Any other synonym you could think of, I was probably feeling it.
My suitcases were packed, and my passport was ready. It’s August 24th, and the dorms are ready to be moved into. I still have no idea who my roommate is, and I’m quite scared to be honest. I’ve heard stories of roommates gone bad, not to mention, Harry and I watched the movie ‘The Roommate’ the other night, and that definitely didn’t help my nerves.
Classes begin in September so I have a few days to settle in and get used to living in New York. Away from Harry. Away from Scottie. Away from Mikey. How am I possibly going to survive?
Harry was coming with me to New York to help me unpack and such. Plus he’s also shaken up from the Roommate movie and he wants to scope things out before I live with a stranger. I feel more comfortable with him coming with me, and it helps to ease my nerves. At least I don’t have to leave him yet. I will in a few days time, though.
“I don’t wanna fly again,” I pouted as we began walking toward the security area of the airport. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m terrified of flying and I’m not sure how I’m going to do it frequently. Harry and I promised to visit each other often, however that requires me flying often. I’m not looking forward to it, but I feel like I’d do anything to be around Harry, including flying.
“You’re fine, babe,” he answered, carrying his brown leather bag on his shoulder, as well as holding my hand and dragging me toward the guy with the metal detecter wand thingy.
“What if it crashes? Or something goes wrong and it blows up? Or it gets hijacked?” As you can see, I have lots of fears about planes.
“None of that’ll happen, I promise,” was his swift response, which brought me back to our previous conversation on my first ever plane ride.
“Harry, you’re not Raven Baxter, do not start this again,” I laughed, and he frowned at me.
“You don’t know my life story,” he defended, and I giggled, squeezing his hand before I let go so he could walk through security.
After we removed all metal from our bodies and were thoroughly checked for weapons, or any other dangerous items, we were now on our way to our plane. I was quite nervous, because I really wasn’t looking forward to flying. Or New York, for that matter.
“You know, we should join the mile high club,” Harry commented, and my jaw dropped.
I turned to see him smirking, and it was difficult not to let a small smile creep onto my face, “No, we certainly should not, you pervert.”
He chuckled, and I rolled my eyes, grabbing his hand once again in mine.
“I’m just kidding. Although I probably wouldn’t object if that’s what you wanted to do. It’d give us a little thrill.”
“Shut up,” I muttered, trying to restrain myself from smacking his arm. That’s a bad habit I need to get out of. I’m quite violent, really. Although, I doubt anything I do to him even hurts. But still, bad habit.
“Alright, just know the option is there,” he said and I smiled at him sweetly.
“In your dreams.”
“It actually was,” was his response and this time I didn’t restrain in smacking him. He held his hands up in surrender, his signature smirk sitting on his lips as he held in his laugh. “Kidding, I’m kidding.”
I shook my head, beginning to laugh as well, “You’re so stupid.”
“You weren’t complaining about my stupidity last night,” he winked and my eyes widened, smacking him even further.
“Are you done yet?” I asked, after I was done hitting him for the second time.
“Yes,” he sighed, and I laughed, nodding my head and following him onto the plane.
About half an hour went by, and now we’re buckled into our seats on the airplane, mine being a window seat, and we were preparing for take off.
I was beyond stressing out at this point, disliking taking off as well as landing when it comes to plane rides. Harry was trying to distract me like he did the last two times, however it wasn’t working this time around. If flying with Harry is scary, how am I ever going to survive plane rides by myself?
He held my hand as I squeezed his, and our plane was off. I closed my eyes and began singing the alphabet in my head. I’m not sure why. It’s distracting, I suppose.
When I got to letter ‘z’, I began twinkle twinkle little star. Then the alphabet once again.
I finally felt the plane in a normal direction, no longer pointing up toward the sky and I breathed out a sigh of relief, opening my eyes and turning toward Harry. He had an amused smile on his face, and I rolled my eyes, leaning my head back and staring at the seat in front of me.
“I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with plane rides all of the time,” I muttered.
“You’re the one who decided to go to college in America,” Harry said, and although I knew he was just kidding, it hurt a bit.
“Well, I planned all of that out when I had nothing in England,” I snapped, and instantly felt bad when Harry’s eyes widened.
“You have lots in England,” Harry frowned, and I felt tears prickling at my eyes, however I pushed them back. I’m already emotional today as it is, and this conversation isn’t helping. Even though it was kind of my fault for bringing it up.
“I have you and Scottie. And Mikey. That’s it,” I answered. “What else? I don’t have any other friends, I don’t have any parents, grandparents, siblings, pets. I don’t even have a fucking house anymore.”
I realized that this probably wasn’t the best conversation to be having a few days before we part, or on a plane, but I couldn’t help it. I feel like since it’s my time of the month, that’s contributing to what’s coming out of my mouth at the moment.
“Aren’t we enough?” Harry asked softly, and I wanted to punch myself for the sad look I caused on his face. I didn’t mean to do that.
“You are. You guys all are, I promise. It’s just- I look around this plane, and I see normal families, with normal kids, taking a normal flight to New York. I never got that. I got a bitchy nanny while my parents lived in London practically my entire life. And when I made this New York decision, I knew I didn’t have any of that. So why go to college in England, where everything reminds me of what I didn’t have? And I wanted a career in publishing, and what place would be more perfect than New York for that? So that’s what I’ve dreamt of doing my entire life. Getting out of England, and going somewhere new. Starting over. But now I found a reason to stay in England, and that’s what I want now. I don’t want to go to New York and leave you behind, or Scottie, or Mikey. I want to spend the rest of my life with you guys, not in New York,” I took a big breath after my long spiel, then carried on. “But that’s the problem, because I’m stuck going to New York. I have a fucking scholarship, and a dorm, and a roommate, and it’s all getting real, and I really don’t want to go anymore. And I don’t know what to do.” Tears filled my eyes, and one escaped against my will. Harry immediately wiped it away, pushing the arm rest in between us up and pulling me into his side.
“You’re gonna love New York, Randi. Don’t let us hold you back from your dreams,” he whispered into my hair, leaving a kiss.
“But my dream now is to live in England and go to college there and be with you guys. I don’t wanna go to New York by myself, Harry. Do you know how terrifying this is? How am I ever going to make friends, I barely have any in England, what if no one likes me in New York either? And I’ll just be a loner in college, doing everything by myself. I’m so scared,” I was full on sobbing now, and I wasn’t sure how I didn’t run out of tears yet. I literally cried all last night and this morning, I didn’t realize there were any tears left in my system. But here we are.
“Your dream is to be a publisher. You can’t let your fears hold you back. And everybody will love you, Randi, what’s not to love? You’re incredibly witty, and funny, a bit sarcastic, but what’s a world without that? You’re one of the kindest people I know, even though you try to hide it behind a tough exterior. You can actually take a joke, and dish it out just as bad. You’re beautiful,” he whispered the last one, nuzzling his nose into the side of my cheek and leaving a lingering kiss. “You’re absolutely perfect. You’ll have friends lining up on the street,” he pulled back, grinning his childish grin at me, and I couldn’t hold mine back. The tears stopped streaming and I hugged him.
“I love you,” I whispered, smelling the cologne he always wears as I dug my face into his neck.
“I love you more. You’ll do just fine in New York. As for the plane thing, you won’t have to go on one if you don’t want. I’ll visit you all of the time, on the weekends when I’m not teaching, on Winter and Spring break, basically whenever I possibly can. I'm sure Scottie and Mikey will come sometimes too. You won't even have to leave New York. It’ll all work out, please don’t worry.”
I was basically sitting in his lap at this point, and I didn’t really care about anybody else in the plane. I’m sure my sobbing fit gripped some people’s attention, but who cares? I’m not really worried about what anybody else thinks at the moment. Unless that somebody is Harry. Then I definitely care.
“It’s just scary. It’s finally sinking in that I’m moving to New York. I’m gonna be a 7 hour plane ride away from you at all times. Is that not the most terrifying thought ever? If something happens, you’re 7 hours away from me. And not to mention the 5 fucking hour time zone”
“I know, but it’ll all be fine. You’ll make new friends, and you probably won’t even realize I’m that far away,” Harry smiled sadly and I looked at him in shock.
“I’ll probably realize you’re that far away from me every single second of every day,” I stated, looking at him as if he grew a second head. And a third.
“The point is, you’ll be having so much fun you’ll forget about all of your worries and you’ll be glad that you went. I promise,” he smiled and I sighed, laying my head on his shoulder. I was now 10 times more tired, and all I wanted was to sleep.
“Do you mind if I take a nap on you?” I asked him quietly, and I felt his chest rumble beneath me as he chuckled.
“Yes I do, please get off me,” he said sarcastically, and I decided I didn’t have the energy to smack him right now. So I pretended to in my head. Good coping technique, I'll need to use that in the future.
As soon as my eyes closed, I felt myself drift off. As the world around be began to disappear, I found myself in a differeont one. Dreaming of Harry, the Statue of Liberty, and the plane ride that will soon separate us.
——
I felt someone shaking my shoulder, before I heard them saying, “Randi, baby, wake up.”
I smiled at the pet name, knowing who's voice it was, as well as who's hand was shaking me, before reluctantly opening my eyes. I blinked a few times, and once I gained my vision back, I looked around the large plane to see people standing up and exiting.
“Oh my God, I slept through the landing?” Yes! I didn’t have to endure the scariness of the shaky plane hitting the ground. Thank the Lord.
“Slept through the entire plane ride, babe. Your snores were quite embarrassing.”
My eyes widened. I didn’t know I snored. “Oh my God, did people hear me?”
Harry nodded, “Yeah, you even woke this old guy that was sleeping. He couldn't go back to sleep after that. And a baby kept crying because of it, I think you scared her.”
I gasped, covering my face with my hands, “Oh my God, that is so embarrassing. I’m sorry.” He broke out laughing, then, and that was when I realized it was a joke. “Wow, Harry, good one. You should be a comedian,” I stated dryly, refraining from rolling my eyes.
“You don’t snore, unfortunately. Or fortunately. Depends on how you look at it.”
“You’re an idiot, you scared me,” I scolded, following Harry out of our seats so we could exit the dreadful plane. I feel bad that he has to go home alone on it. I would die.
“Sorry. It was quite funny though, you had to admit,” he chuckled, and I didn’t refrain from rolling my eyes this time. I let them do as they please.
“Like I said, you should be a comedian,” I told him sarcastically, to which he smiled smugly.
“I know.”