Update yayyyy :) I'm out of school, BTW, so the updates will be frequent again! However, I'm going to a concert tomorrow, to see Ed Sheeran, Little Mix, and Austin Mahone, so I won't be on all day. Eeeeep I'm so excited :)

Let me know what you think! xo

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Another month passed and it’s now the end of April. True to its word, April showers sure are happening, however it’s doubtful they’ll bring May flowers, since it’ll probably just rain in May too. Plus, when do you ever see flowers in Holmes Chapel, unless artificial? The saying should be, ‘April showers, bring May showers.” I feel like that’s more accurate, but who knows.

I hate to admit it, but Cameron and I have gotten really close since that day at the beach. Not dating close, but like best friends close. I’m not sure if that’s all he’s looking for with me, but that’s all I can give him.

I haven’t answered Harry since that day at the beach either. He responded, “The Inbetweeners, and it reminds me of you. xx”. So, hanging out with a girl at the beach and then lying about it reminds him of me? Cool. I ignored him since.

It’s not even the fact that he was with a girl at the beach, I mean, yeah it hurt a little, but he’s allowed to hang out with girls. He told me I could hangout with guys, so naturally, I can’t not let him be with other girls. However, he lied to me about it, and that’s what I didn’t like. If he were to text me and ask me what I was doing, I would have told him I was at the beach with Cameron, Scottie, and Mikey. I wouldn’t have deliberately lied about what I was doing, and then saying that the movie I was “watching” reminded me of him. That’s what made me mad. It hurt that he lied, and if he’s lying about this, what else could he be lying about?

Which is why I’ve been avoiding him. I graduate exactly a month from today and honestly, I wasn’t even looking forward to it anymore. I felt like I couldn’t trust Harry, and that’s something I need in a relationship. I don’t want to be second guessing everything like he’s making me do already, even before we’re officially dating. Do I want to be with someone who can so easily lie to me? 

I’ve been doing things to distract myself from thinking about all of this, hence why I’ve become so close to Cameron. Scottie and Mikey make me feel like a third wheel, so I tend to stay away from them, unless I’m with Cameron. So basically, I invite him everywhere now. And I may or may not have developed a tiny crush on him. 

It sucked though, because even though I felt like I was allowed to, especially since I don’t know how to feel about Harry anymore, I still felt guilty. I felt like I shouldn’t be hanging out with Cameron, let alone beginning to like him more than a friend. But I couldn’t help it. The more I hung out with Cameron, the more I forgot about Harry. Which I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing.

I was home alone right now for the first time in what felt like forever. I haven’t had nothing to do in so long, I’ve always occupied myself with something, and now here I am, laying on my couch in silence, thinking about everything that’s happened over the past month.

I hate to admit it, but I was thinking about skipping graduation. Part of me didn’t want to pursue a relationship with Harry after I graduate. I can’t forget the fact that he lied to me. I always told myself when I was little, that when I get a boyfriend, if I ever got one, I want him to be 100% honest with me all of the time. And Harry’s already lied to me even before our relationship started. So why start one? If he’s already lying, who’s to say he won’t lie in the future? And that’s what’s bothering the shit out of me. I don’t want to be with someone who I can’t trust, and I don’t think I can trust Harry anymore. So if I don’t show up to graduation, he’d get the message that I’ve moved on, and that I don’t want to be with him, right? Plus, what if he’s the one who decides not to show up? That would ruin the whole experience of my graduation, and I don’t think I want to go through with that. 

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