Hey Robbie it would be great to see you again... It's been a while and I miss you.
You sent Robbie another text. switching off your phone laying your head back against your pillow and sighing to yourself. You stared blankly at the celling your eyes open but you weren't really seeing what was in front of you. The plain white wall had become a canvas for your imagination to paint over.
The buzzing of your phone brought you back to reality.
Hey babe I miss you too, want to meet up tomorrow ? Xx
A message from Robbie appeared you read over it and smiled, thinking maybe this could be a chance for you to rebuild your relationship a bit more. Your relationship was solid everyone saw that but you still wanted to take precautions so that it stayed that way. You knew how easily the smallest thing could cause destruction. Just like a seed planted in stone walls. The seed would grow, either there would be doubt or arguments in the relationship but the negative feelings fed it like water. As the seed grew it would go into the cracks of the walls slowly breaking apart the cement, before eventually the seed became a vine scaling every part of the wall you and Robbie built together as your relationship developed. The vine made of doubt and hatred would pull apart the wall of love and hope - the relationship would fall.
So to prevent that happening you tried your best to nip it in the bud.
Your nimble fingers ran over the smooth surface of your phone as you typed a reply a small smile forming at the thought of tomorrow and all it's possibilities.
Yea I would love too :) time and place ? Xxx
Your phone was against your chest your breathing slow but your heart rate increasing. You were both nervous and excited. There was no doubt that you loved Robbie but your anxiety definitely meant that a situation as simple as this may seem brought some panic. What if there was a lull the conversation or you found it awkward?
Thinking about it more made it worse so you distracted yourself by looking back at your phone.
Farmhouse ? 11:45 ?????
The farmhouse was a local pub with a park behind it which you and Robbie used to spend your evenings. The park was for children below the ages of twelve but that didn't stop the two of you climbing on top of metal train or carelessly ride the zip line. There was also a ditch which the two of you used to sit in, your bikes discarded to the side as the conversation flowed as easily as the lake.
Yea :) see you tomorrow xxx
You sent the text glad you were revisiting the farmhouse and Robbie.
The next morning you awoke remembering the conversation you had the previous night. Your eyes were still heavy and the temptation of sleep beckoned to you. The slit in your curtains allowed for the orange hue of the morning sun to trickle in illuminating your room. You picked up your phone from the floor and read the time 8:45. Grumbling to yourself you put the phone back on the floor, you grabbed the corner of the duvet and pulled it over you giving in to sleep for another few hours.
Waking up the second time that morning you dragged yourself out of bed and began to get ready.
You had known Robbie for years now he had seen you looking your best dressed in long fitted dresses with heals and hair and make up and he had also seen you at your worse. Your head in the toilet as you emptied the contents of your stomach or wearing stained sweat pants, you hair carelessly thrown up and no make up.
Because of this you knew it didn't really matter what you looked like so you put on what was comfortable. Once dressed with your bag and everything you needed you walked to the farmhouse.
You walked round the back to see Robbie laying in the ditch.
3....2.....1
You texted Robbie and waited as he opened the message you counted along with him as he read and when he got to one you jumped on him. He was startled but smiled when he realised it was you.
"Hey babe " Robbie said smiling, you sat up on his lap and Robbie leaned in and placed an innocent kiss upon your lips.
"Tell me everything " you asked. Through out the day you walked around your town just enjoying each other's company. After that day you and Robbie spent more time together organising to go to the cinema and other activities However you noticed a few things that Robbie would do that were unlike him. He would tap his fingers a lot, eat a lot more. His mood changed quickly, you began to worry it wasn't just these things that had changed about Robbie either. His skin had become pale his hair had thinned his eyes had become darker. It scared you. You didn't know what it was but if you were honest with yourself you were too afraid to ask. If it was something Robbie was doing then if he wanted to stop he would in his own time, if it was an illness there was medication available.
Hey Robbie, fancy going swimming ?
Your family had a pool in the back garden and it had just been filled for summer it presented an opportunity for many memories to be made and you were determined to make this the best summer ever.
YEA ! I'll be over in 10 xxx love you x
You soon got a reply from Robbie you sighed in relief to yourself you didn't want to stay at home and no nothing.
You rummaged through one of your draws trying to find the back and white bikini from Next. You were an unorganised person and finding things in your room was often like playing the card game snap. Sometimes you would come close to finding a pair when two things were just very similar only after going through the majority would you find the one you were looking for.
You put on the black and white bikini under your shorts and band tee so you could just strip off when Robbie arrived. You went downstairs into your shed to find the two water pistols you used to have years ago. You found them at the back covered in cobwebs and grains of dirt. You opened the lid to refill both so that no matter what happened, Robbie wast leaving your house dry.
You heard Robbie knock on your front door so you called out to him so he knew to come through the gate. You quickly ducked around the corner of the shed concealing yourself with the two pistols loaded and ready to fire.
"Hey Y/N"
When Robbie had walked past the gate you jumped out from your hiding spot holding the triggers down on both guns. Startling the boy and making him jump and squirm from the sudden cold water soaking his clothes and skin.
You finally stopped laughing to yourself whilst he stood there dripping mouth hanging open. Robbie looked up at you through his eyelashes, his eyebrow had risen and a smirk was just about to show. You realised what was going to happen too late, Robbie ran toward you picking you up and jumping into the pool. You screamed out "No" a thousand times before hitting the water. When you arose you looked at Robbie seeing him smiling, you pushed your hands through the water splashing him in an attempt to get payback. Robbie shook his head causing droplets of water to fly through the air and his hair to stick out in all different places. You walked to the edge discarding of your clothes that had been drowned as did Robbie. You spent the most of the day together in the pool. You in a bikini and Robbie in swimming trunks and with the majority of his skin exposed you noticed little red dots scattered over his body in groups. There were some up his arms on his thighs, and stomach.
You couldn't bring yourself to ask what they were, you were scared of the answer.
After you and Robbie both headed upstairs to dry and changed, you shoved Robbie into the bathroom and you went into your room. You changed quickly, putting on sweats and a jumper the cool water had begun to make you cold. You knocked on the bathroom door hoping Robbie was done so the two of you could lay together on the sofa and watch your favourite films. You await for a reply but only receive silence. You knock on the door again but when there is no reply you start to get worried. You shout out his name just incase he wasn't in the bathroom but there was still no reply. You bang your fists against the door pulling at the handle in a hope of gaining entry. You kick at the door handle as hard as you can, you do this continuously until you hear the crack of the wood splitting meaning you can get in. You push the door so that it slams against the wall to see Robbie lying on the floor unconscious. His hair is still partially wet and scruffy his mouth is hung open and his eyes are red but what worried you most was how quickly his skin had gone from a healthy tan to white. His skin looked like a dying white orchid, sickly.
You pull out your phone from your pocket and call an ambulance, they ask you questions you wish you could answer the person on the phone then advises you to put Robbie in the recovery position whilst you wait, you thank the person and hang up going to Robbie. You do as you were instructed putting him in the position and continuing to check for a pulse until the ambulance arrives. The paramedics immediately do everything they can. You sit in the ambulance with Robbie crying and holding onto his hand hoping to feel him squeeze back.
You stayed with Robbie. You sat in the uncomfortable metal chairs, you ate only what was given to you the only time you left was to use the toilet. The rest of the tine you waited by his side telling him stories like you did when you were younger, Robbie was always the hero, you cleaned him as much as you could using a flannel and soapy water. Yet still he laid still and pale in the hospital bed.
You cried beside him, you wanted to believe so desperately that this was all a dream that you and Robbie had only gone to the farmhouse the day before and all of this was fake. But no matter house much you wanted to believe the lies you told yourself you knew not everything had a happy ending. And that's what you dreaded most that this wasn't your ending. That it was Robbie's that his life ended here and yours continued.
You stayed with Robbie every day for a month and he still hadn't woken up. The doctors and nurses had been so kind to you and you were grateful for them. You wondered what it would be like if it was you instead of Robbie, you had wished over a thousand times that you could take his place that you were laying in the bed instead of him. Tears slipped down your cheeks you thought maybe by this point you would have gotten stronger but it felt just as painful and terrifying as it did the first day you sat waiting.
" Hey " the horse sound of another voice startled you, you looked up and saw Robbie's head was tilted in your direction his eyes open ever so slightly. Your breath caught in your throat and you began sobbing. "Robbie" you cried holding his hand squeezing tightly only to find that this time - you felt him squeeze back.
"Hey babe" Robbie have you a weak smile. You hugged him tightly, you were never going to let him go again you hated the past month. Not being able to hear his beautiful voice or gaze into his captivating eyes.
"I've missed you so much" you choked out. Robbie's grip on you only increased. "What happened ?"
Through out the past month that had been one if the questions that had haunted you. Robbie sighed, there was silence for a moment as he collected his thoughts.
"Drugs" he spoke. One word, one word was all it took and she understood. She understood why he had been acting so weird, what the marks were and what caused this the one thing she didn't understand was why?
"Why?" She questioned
" They made me happy, I was a better version of myself when I took them.
I had more confidence, they made me feel good - then - I was addicted and it wasn't about feeling confident it was about getting my fix. It's an addiction I couldn't stop"
You understood what addiction was like, you had your own secret addiction. " I understand Robbie. God i love you, please - please don't ever do any more drugs, talk to me you know I will always be here. And as far as being a better version of you that's impossible because the a Robbie I know is selfless, messaging his fans back and doing random nice things for stranger . intelligent you never fails to astound me by telling me knew things I didn't know. I love you Robbie all your quirks and insecurities, they make you and you are the best person I know. "
"Y/N I love you and I want to stop but I don't know how "
" the doctors are going to slowly get you off the drugs by slowly decreasing the amount you take. And if you give up your addiction I'll give up mine. If you struggle ill be there to help but if you give up on trying then so do I and I'll take double the amount you did. "
" what are you addicted too ?
Y/N you can't do that to yourself."
You slowly pulled up the bottom of your top and pulled your trousers down slightly revealing scarlet cuts all along your hips.
"Then don't make me have to, I love you Robbie and I will do anything to help"
"I'll try, as long as you are by my side"
"I promise "
Once Robbie was out of hospital you both battled your addictions together standing by each other no matter what and facing any troubles that came your way.