16 Apr 15
The sad part about existence is that everything is disposable.
From the feelings you feel at this very second to the device your reading this on.
Waves hit the shore and are never the same again.
We throw away things and move on.
Step on ants killing them instantly but we don't even flinch.
We have lost compassion.
Yet one day I want to be warm and loving but still fiery and harsh.
I want a man to look at me like I am the sun.
That his world would not exist if it wasn't for my radiance.
I want to shine brighter than any memory anyone has.
A lot of things come easy but love doesn't.
Loving and ring loved is the closet thing to being immortal we have.
One day the sun will explode, we know for sure it will give up on us but we still need it.
That's how I want you to feel about me.
I want our love to be like flames.
One day it will burn out but right now it's hot and fierce.
One day when I was about 8 I wrote a letter with my name and a description of my house on it, then put it into a hidden hole in my mums wardrobe that went into the wall.
In years time when people were tearing down my house I was convinced that they would find it.
Of course the not is now probably disintegrated but I remember that it mattered so much to me that my life in my house was remembered.
I used to believe that permanent marker truly was permanent.
That it would last forever if I wrote my name on something with it.
But nothing is forever.
The maker would fade and the building it is written on would crumble.
And something new would be built over it.
People would walk over that very spot and not remember the little girl who wanted to be remembered.
The world changes constantly and all the buildings around you, the city your in will be completely different in a hundred years.
I want to be needed so much the worth of my life is forever but seeing as nobody has forever, the infinite need will become extraordinary love.
I wanted to be alone now I want to be remembered.
// just something that constantly bothers me //