To my darling Y:N,
I cannot express the urning to hold you in my arms once more; to see your smiling face ; your glorious hair trailing down your porcelain skin.
But I know that thinking of you only makes it hurt more knowing I can't be with you, and it doesn't make the war go by any faster. Yet I cannot help to find my mind wandering to our time spent together. Our first date where I took you to the local diner before we went dancing. The long walks we would take, filling the air with laughter talking about all the things that seemed so insignificant but I remembered them all and the time I spent worrying wether your father would allow me to marry you. Y:N these are all memories I cherish with every breath I take. Although it hurts knowing I may never do any of those things with you again. The pain is a reminder of what I am fighting for.
It's the only thing that keeps us going. Knowing there is our families waiting , a chance for normality back at home, somewhere to call home. For we often think about going home yet we forget that it is not only us effected by this dreadful war and that the place we once lived and grew could no longer be recognisable, demolished into ash.
The war is a monstrous thing. I see men shot down everyday, a cylinder of metal whizzing through the air faster than a light going out only to be embedded in the flesh of a solider. it's truly a gruesome sight. One that will forever be burned into my brain. They fall back , crying out in anguish. The mud already creating a shallow grave around them. Their screams not heard over the sound of shooting guns ; the bark of orders and bombs exploding in the distance.
But even when we can escape for a moment there is never silence. and on the rare occasion it comes. it is overwhelming, our thought choose to scream finally being heard. The silence is always cold. A chilling reminder of what we've lost.
The men I am with are truly soldiers. each one a character all as unique as a family. For we all wear uniforms and are trained but all completely different. All willing to share amazing stories of their previous lives back home. All enthusiastic to fight. All men.
With these men I share a bond I hold with no other. We have shared in all the good together and all the bad. Pulling one another out from the pit of despair only to get them drunk.
I am truly thankful for the men I have beside me .
My love. I pray that this war will be over soon, that we could continue the life we had planned together. maybe include a few things we never though of before. Be adventurous and live life to the full. For of there is one thing I have learnt during this crisis - is that life is too short and we have to grasp it with both hands as tightly as we can or it will slip though as easily as blades of grass.
Y:N what ever happens I want you to know. I love you whole heartedly . There is not a night I do not dream of you. Of the future we can have together, raising our family of two children, a boy and a girl. and our faithful dog. watching them as they become wonderful adults with families of their own.
Growing old together reliving our youth. These things that seem so simple are my strength, my hope and my fight that will bring me home. but since the day I saw you till the day time ends. I love you
Lots of love
Robbie Kay xxx