Bound by Blood

Chapter 108- but we'll right it again

JIMIN POV:

A part of me slowly tears itself apart seeing   (Y/N) have to put up this indifferent cold mask. I can see the cracks in it, can see just how tightly she's holding herself upright, how tightly she tenses herself, how she forces every emotion behind a barrier. A barrier that to Chul and the world might seem impenetrable, to the world it'll seem solid and firm. But I can see how frantically she pleads for it not to go crumbling, can feel the emotions raw and agonising swirl through the bond. The moment one of the eight links had snapped- I knew it had been her. It had been that sudden and forced detachment, of trying to separate herself from the living connection, trying to make herself hardened and cold. It had also been the snap of her emotions; of every restraint finally being destroyed, finally letting go of her control.

And it tore me to see her paining, trying to hide her compassionate, sweet nature. Trying to harden herself in front of a monster like Chul. Because she didn't want to show him any weakness, show any side of her that hurt and was hurting because of him.

She sags against Joon hyung, trembling and shaking and doesn't make a single sound, just burrows into his arms, and tries to almost hide from the scene, try to merge herself within him and seek refuge in him. And he shoots the rest of us a troubled look, even as his arms tighten around her.

The plan was horribly scary, could've gone wrong in an instant. And though we've succeeded, maybe all the thoughts and worries and fears that had plagued us had come to haunt her now, at the completion of it.

"Home. Can we just go home?" Kookie says, breaths shuddery and strained, words coming out as if it's laboured. It makes (Y/N) flinch, trying to curl in on herself, limbs folding in on herself- physically trying to maker herself smaller in Joon hyung's arms.

Jin hyung nods.

"Home." He says, voice slightly hoarse- eyes burning red as he takes in the state of the two youngest.

Home. 

Away from this nightmare. From the reminder of just what we had put at stake today.

We'd put everything on the line. And it didn't fail to hit me with the force of a tidal wave, powerful and ruthless. That we could've lost everything too.

And then suddenly (Y/N) pushes herself free from Joon hyung, struggling in her quick haste- his hands drop immediately to his side, tensing as if he's somehow done something wrong and no-one can even get a word out because her trembling figure collapses, knees buckling as she hits the ground. Her hands hold herself up on shaky arms, head bowed as she vomits, blood coming back up, back bowed and position extremely vulnerable.

And somehow it's not any of us who move, but Yugyeom-ah who detaches himself from his coven and hurries to her side, running a hand up and down her back, murmuring soothingly to her, voice low so it escapes our ears despite our hearing.

And I doubt I'd have heard it over the rushing sound in my ears.

And then I decipher small sobs coming from our shaking, trembling baby mate.

"So much blood. Makes me sick, makes me scared." She mumbles tearfully, head drooped downwards. Her voice is so rough.

And I know somehow, somewhere along the lines (Y/N) had associated the sight of blood with Chul, had associated the sight of the thick reed fluid with her parents, with her own trauma, with Chul. And that was why she couldn't keep feeds down.

Because whilst her instincts were satiated by it, there was a deep psychologically rooted fear of it. And it made me tremble with anger that Chul had ruined that for her. That he'd made it difficult for her to accept that part of herself.