Rainbow Six Siege Oneshots

Buck

        Hell actually exists but it's inside your mind.

        It feels like there is distance between you and the world. You cannot see any tangible future, so there is a feeling of hopelessness. It takes extra effort to do anything because the world is so far away, and emotions rarely make it through the void either; making you numb and distant.

        Hitting a rock-bottom state of depression begins to feel like everything is an effort. Depression is this bus that has you pinned under it, and no matter what you do you can't get out.

        I confide in Sébastien a lot during these states. We're friends, yes, but he can never know about my longing desire to be with him romantically. Usually when Gustave is busy or I feel like I would bother him, I go to Sébastien.

        But tonight, I couldn't bring myself to see either of them. The sheer guilt of waking either of them would kill me inside, so I went to my last resort; the rooftop.

        Sleep was hard to come by some nights and tonight was no exception. Sitting up in my bed, I find it's 2 A.M., but I could see the empty bed that belonged to my CTU partner and it only made the guilt on my shoulders heavier.

        "It's not your fault." I whispered. The guilt feeling was so intense, it made me ears ring. I just wanted to cover them and scream. Instead I got up too quickly from bed, tripped, then sprinted out of the room.

        I sprinted my way out of the long hallway that held the doors to every operators dorm. Running felt like an endless chase to the reach the end of the twisting and warping hallway. Once I got out and past the lobby, my sprint came to a stop.

        The mess hall had lights on.

        The mess hall never has lights on at this hour. This meant someone was awake and in there. Small windows lined the wall of the mess hall and the opening to it were double doors; both wide open. Light poured through the windows onto the tan carpet, just enough to see where you were walking.

        Slowly, I pressed my back against the cold wall, just before where the windows started. Crouching under the windows, I walked slow and quiet, because I could hear voices; two to be specific. Unable to identify them, I tried to ignore their conversation. It wasn't hard to when I was focused on how to cross the open doors.

       "Maybe now isn't a good time to tell her." A man said.

        I froze like a statue when I realized who said that. It was Ryad.

       Taking a deep breath, I slowly peeked to see where they were in the room. To my luck Ryad's back was faced to me and across from him was a man with his head down. Seeing this, I took my chances and confidently walked across the door way. As soon as I passed the door-I sprinted again.

        Running felt like circles in the stairwell, until I burst open the heavy door and felt the warm air touch my skin.

        The stars weren't out tonight. Just blacked out; the same way I felt inside. Seeing no stars was disappointing. No stars, no luminescent sky, what was the point?

        I would take my usual spot in the middle of the concrete, but now I just felt overwhelmed with thoughts.

        It would be so easy to lean off this roof, (Y/n).

        That nagging voice said to me. It took me a few seconds before I actually walked to an edge and looked down. The distance made my heart sink and I stepped back.

        Walking away again? Just like when you watched your partner get lit up by terrorists, you walked away.

        I looked down at my hands with my blurry and shaking vision. Why wait anymore to put an end to all this suffering? The numbness began to wash over me. I only looked up and walked toward the ledge again. This time climbing on top of it.

        Now I could stare down the black void without hesitation.

       Minutes pass and now felt like the time. I looked up at the black sky once more before starting to lean my body weight forward. But the numbness faded when I could hear that same heavy door open and quickly shut. Now there was fear and multiple foot steps running forward.

        "(Y/n)!" Both Ryad and Sébastien shouted. Their voices added to the thumping of my head.

        Before leaning all the way off, Sébastien was the first to reach her, however; his force from running only helped bump her off the ledge. He couldn't process this fast enough to hold onto her legs.

        It was like free falling, but there was an end. Her body turned mid-fall and stared down Ryad and Sébastien, who were screaming in shock and fear. Seeing Sébastien gave her this instinct to reach her arm out for him to grab, but the attempt was useless.

        Their figures became smaller and smaller, until (Y/n)'s body collided with metal. Glass and metal were everywhere. The sound was like a car crash and pain had reached a new height. Before blacking out, the last thing she saw were shards of glass and a jagged piece of metal through her left arm.

        Sébastien sat by her bedside in silence. It had been roughly a week since the nightmare. She was just rooms away from her CTU partner. Sébastien couldn't imagine the work overload on Gustave at the moment.

        (Y/n) fell 5 stories and smashed onto the top of someone's car. She's been sedated since. Sébastien came to see her every chance he had since that night. He was still in a state of shock. Each time seeing her in the med bay made him relive the memory over and over again.

        Sébastien remained in silence. He held (Y/n)'s hand often, hoping she would know he was there. His request was answered. 

       Eyes fluttered open and she had let out a pained groan. Her eyes followed her right arm that sat on top of the sheets to meet the eyes of none other than Sébastien. He couldn't even form a sentence to this surprise. He had to let go of her hand to fetch for Gustave, who as well, was shocked.

     "Why did you do it?"

     "To end my pain, Sébastien."