The Flame (A Norman Reedus Story)

Chapter 48--Scared

Chapter 48—Scared

I talk to Dr. Vai, my OBGYN here in Senioa and let her know that I found a lump in my left breast while in the shower.  I hadn’t noticed it before but I haven’t done a self-check since I’ve moved to Atlanta.  She assures me that she didn’t notice anything when I saw her in at the end of May for my Pap smear and initial visit.  Most likely it’s a cyst, but she schedules me for tomorrow morning so she can make sure.  She advises me to relax and not to over react until she can see me and diagnose my lump. 

I hang up my cell and curl up in a ball on the bed.  I try not to worry but the tears slip down my cheeks.  Of all the days for this happen, it has to be today.  I want to call Norman for comfort but I know he will come home immediately.  If this was a real emergency then I wouldn’t hesitate but since I don’t know anything for sure, it seems silly to call him.  Tomorrow I will know what, if anything, I’m dealing with.  I doubt that much more beside a diagnosis can be done until next week and he’ll be home Sunday night.

I take a deep breath and sit up.  I can get through this, I’m strong.  Andrew wasn’t an overly sensitive or compassionate husband when it came to stuff like this, so I should know how to deal with it.  Time to suck it up and put on my big girl panties until I see Norman on Sunday.  I sigh and look down at my hands thinking how much I appreciate being with a person who is attentive and caring. 

I pick up my cell and stare at the screen, trying to decide if I’m strong enough to wait to tell Norman face to face.  Just then my text notification pings and I see that Norman has sent me a text.  I take a deep breath and open the text:

Norman: Hey Babe, I’m getting ready 2 board.  I’ll call you when I land.  I love U.

I hesitate knowing this is the last chance I have to stop him from going.  Robert and Scott wouldn’t hold it against him if he canceled San Diego because of this.  I bite my bottom lip until the taste of blood is in my mouth.  I release my lip and sigh, typing my response:

Me: OK have a great flight.  Call me later.  Love U 2

I hit send and the text goes through.  I put the text on the bed and stand up to find some clothes.  I put on black yoga pants and my Velvet Revolver tank top.  I stare back in the mirror looking at myself and it dawns on me who I can call.  I pick up my cell and dial the number, waiting for an answer.  He picks up and I hear his familiar voice on the other end, “Hey Baby Girl, to what do I owe the pleasure?”  My voice wavers a bit as I speak, “Hi Saul.  I just needed to hear your voice.”  He tone changes, “Jenna, what’s wrong?”  I sit back down on the bed as I tell my best friend my fears, “I found a lump in my breast.”  I hear his voice exhale before he speaks, “Are you okay?  Have you been to the doctor?”  I swallow hard, “I’m okay, I guess.  I called my Doctor and I have an appointment first thing tomorrow morning.  I just needed to talk to someone.”  He exhales the cigarette he’s lite before replying, “Jen, where’s Norman?  Haven’t you told him?”  I sigh, “He’s on a plane to San Diego.  I didn’t find the lump until after he left.  He’s got Comic Con and it’s the huge Season 5 trailer release.  He won’t be back until late Sunday.”  Slash clears his throat, “You’re not going to tell him until he’s back in Georgia are you?”  I reply, “No.  It seems silly to tell him when I really don’t know anything yet.  He’d just worry and won’t be able to focus this weekend.”  Slash sighs, “Are you really sure that you should wait to tell him?  I know Norman well enough to know that he’ll come home to be with you.”  I exhale the breath I’ve been holding, “My doctor is pretty sure it’s a cyst and nothing to worry about, so until I know what it is, I’m not telling him.  I’m sorry to get you concerned; it’s just that I needed to talk to someone.  I’m scared to death right now.”  I hear the compassion in his voice as he speaks, “Jenna, it is fine.  I’m here for you, just like you were there for me years ago.  You have every right to be scared, hell I’m scared.  I’m sure everything will be fine but until you see your doctor, I’m going to worry.  Do you want me to fly down to Georgia tonight?  I’m in Philly, I can be there in a few hours.  I’ll go with you tomorrow to the doctors.”  Tears slip down my cheeks, “No Saul, don’t come down.  I’ll be fine until tomorrow.  It’s bad enough that I’m not telling Norman, I can’t have you here in his place.  I will call you as soon as I get a diagnosis, I promise.  If it’s serious I will call Norman too.”  Slash lets out a loud sigh, “Okay Baby Girl, we’ll do this your way.  I want you to call me as soon as you know anything.  If I don’t hear from you by dark tomorrow I’m getting on a plane and I will be on your doorstep, do you understand?  And I will call Norman myself.”  I wipe the tears off my cheeks where they’ve been falling, “I understand Saul and I promise I will call as soon as the doctor tells me anything.”  His tone of voice relaxes a little as he tells me, “Good.  I’ll keep my phone on me until I hear from you.”  I smile a little and tell him, “Thanks bestie.  You’re awesome.”  He chuckles, “I try.  Hey Jenna, I love ya sweetheart.  You know that right?”  I give a little laugh, “Yeah Saul, I know ya do. I love ya too.  I got to go, the kids are waiting for me to make dinner.”  He sighs, “Okay Jen.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  If you want to talk, you can call me any time before, okay?”  I tell him, “I will.  Thanks for everything.  Bye Saul.”  He replies, “Anytime.  Bye Baby Girl.”  I hang up my cell and take a deep breath; it’s going to be a long night.  I get up and decide that I’m ordering a pizza for dinner.