EVERMORE ; SM

Forty nine

Paint: Melting into each other

Songs for the chapter:

Still Loving You - Scorpions
Not Afraid Anymore - Halsey
Dance 4 You - Beyoncé

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I've lost track of how many days have been since I last saw Shawn, it's been probably weeks, since I don't have a phone yet I haven't got any calls from him nor he hasn't come to talk. He probably knows I need space and time to rest and I'm thankful with him for doing that for me.

Shawn hasn't stopped running through my mind, not even for a second, my thoughts jump from Shawn to my kids and I can't stop thinking about them. Are they drinking enough water? Having enough rest? I hope he's feeding them healthy food and not too many sweets. Does he think about me? Is he able to sleep or am I the only one who can't do so since he's all that's in my head? Do my kids ask about me? Does he cry at night just like I've been doing? Does he miss me like I miss him?

The sky was cloudy and a few rain drops started falling from the sky and crashed against the windows, I decided to skip dinner and go to my room and watch any series.

I ended up watching Vampire Diaries and remembered when I was seventeen and Shawn and I used to have Vampire Diaries marathons.

A nostalgic smile was painted on my face and I felt the need of crying again, the past few days I haven't done anything but cry, the rain outside was creating a kinda sad vibe and it wasn't helpful for my mood. Why does everything have to remind me of him? Why can't I just get him off my mind?

After hours of watching it, I turned the tv off and walked to one of the corners of my room where I found my guitar and smiled as I walked to grab it and then walked back to my bed.

I looked at the instrument a few seconds and then turned it to place it on my lap in the correct position so I can start playing it but noticed there was something written on it with gold permanent marker.

"You know I may be far but never gone, so every time you feel alone, just play the guitar, cause know that it doesn't matter where I am, I'll be playing it too and the best part is that all of the songs I'll play will be about you. I love you, baby.
— Shawn"

My heart squeezed inside my chest when I read the message he permanently left on my guitar and I focused my eyes on one specific part, reading it over and over again.

"I love you, baby; I love you, baby; I love you, baby..."

And then it hits me.

"Oh, Shawn" I said to myself "I love you too"

What am I doing sitting here and thinking of these words when I can be telling them to him?

I went to my closet and grabbed a hoodie, I put on my winter boots and headed to the kitchen to grab my keys and then walked out of the apartment.

I didn't care that it was raining and that it was almost 3.00 in the morning, I need to see him, I need to tell him.

Since I can't drive yet I walked, more likely I skipped, to Shawn's house, well to his parents house and got there almost thirty minutes later.