EVERMORE ; SM

Seven

It's been three weeks since I saw Geoff at the park and thankfully I haven't seen him again.

I'm on my way to get my kids from school.

I park near the sidewalk where I usually do and hop off my car to wait for them at the entrance.

"Mummy!" I hear the voice of one of my children and instantly spot Kailani running to me and I notice she's crying.

"Honey, what happened? Are you okay?" I hunker down and hug her. She doesn't talk, only sobs uncontrollably. I try to calm her and see Dylan walking to me and I notice he's clenching his jaw, they do that when they're real mad.

"Someone was bothering her" Dylan explains, still mad. I adore how protective he is with his sister.

"About what?" I pull Kailani away and clean her cheeks. She sobs but she's a little more calm now that she's in my arms.

"About my dad" she says and sob once again. I feel how my heart goes from my chest to my stomach and then back to it's place. What?

"What were they saying?" I ask and frown my brows.

"That he isn't real, that he's just an illusion because he's not with me and I've never seen him" I don't know what to do or say so I just hug her tight. I somehow feel that this is all my fault. I know that it was him who ran away but still I feel guilty.

"Don't listen to them, your dad loves you and that's what matters" I say the sweetest I can and she nods.

"But where is he?" Dylan asks this time.

"He's solving something of work, nothing important. Just, forget about this and let's go home" they nod and I grab their hands and walk together to my car.

The whole ride home is silent and I couldn't feel more guilty for this situation. What am I supposed to do? For now I think I'm just going to ignore this and hope they forget about it eventually.

"Hey!" Lena says excited when we enter to the apartment and I try to act as normal as I can.

"Hey" Kailani and Dylan say as excited as Lena. I think for this moment they got over their dad's situation.

"Is everything okay?" Lena looks at me and frowned her brows.

"Sure, why would there be something wrong?" I fake chuckle and she looks sceptical at me.

"Who are you trying to fool?" She crosses her arms over her chest.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I play dumb. I walk closer to her "I'll tell you later" I whisper in her ear "I'll make dinner. Come on, babies" I say to my kids who are paying attention to every single word Lena and I are saying.

[...]

I tuckvthem in bed and kiss them goodnight.

I walk silently to my room. When I'm there I close the door, I lean against it and start crying. I slide until I'm sitting on the floor with my knees close to my chest and I bury my face in my hands to muffle my crying.

It hurt me that my kids don't  have a manly figure to follow as a role model and that they are constantly asking for him. I didn't know what else to tell them to convince them that he loves them but he can't be here now, but there's where I have to explain why, and that's something I still don't know how to answer. I've thought of telling them he's passed away, but that would be way too cruel and I can't do that to them, that would be too much to handle for a five year old kid.

Do I miss him? I wish I didn't, but it's impossible not to do it when I have a little piece of him separated in two parts walking around all day and looking at me with a pair of beautiful green-brown eyes that they got from him. Sometimes I wish they looked more like me but then I would have nothing left from him.

Apart from my kids reminding me of him all the time, not only by asking for him, simply because they look exactly like him I missed his voice, hiss cuddles, his kisses, his laughter, his warm, smooth skin against mine, his attempts of making me smile while I was mad at him, when he surprised me with sweets when I was on my period just to make me feel better. I simply missed him like crazy, but he took the decision of leaving, and I took the decision of moving on and never see him again.

"Kaylee, open the door" I hear Lena whisper-yell from the other side of the door. I sh myake head but then remember she can't see me.

"Go away, please"

"I'm not going anywhere when my best friend needs me more than ever"

I taake my time to calm down a little. When I feel ready, I open the door.

Lena looks at me with sad eyes and I sob.

She doesn't say anything, instead, she pulls me into a hug and I start to cry again.

"I can't do this anymore. It's been fucking five years and it still hurts the same as the day I found out that he was gone. I want to move on, but it impossible when they constantly ask about him and it gets harder every time they do because I have ran out of answers" I hug her tighter.

"I'm sorry, I know it's hard but you have to stay strong. I'm here to support and help you and them" she fails in her attempt to make me feel better.

"Thank you. But you're not him, you're not even a boy" I pull back from the hug and we walk to my bed after closing the door "I just need time to figure out what to do and what to say" I take  a deep breath. "Fuck him. Why does he keep on controlling my feelings after all these years? How does he even do that?" I hit my pillow to try to calm me down. I can't believe I still care so much about him, and I know I do by the way it hurts and breaks my heart.

"I'm here for you" she holds my hand and runs her thumb over it "Always"

"I know, thank you" I give her a smile.

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This was really difficult to write, that's why it's so short. Shitty filling chapter,but he's coming soon, I promise. Don't be eager and be patient.