EVERMORE ; SM

Thirty four

It's been two weeks since Shawn went on tour. As usual we text and FaceTime every time we have some free time, the best part of the America's leg is that time zones are not that different, maybe two or three hours less where he is, but it's better than being seven hours different.

Cameron, my old friend, texted me earlier today, he said he arrived last week and that he wanted to see me, so now I'm heading to a Starbucks that's near the park to meet with him.

I enter to the café and walk to a table that's at the back of it next to a window. I take my phone from my purse to kill some time as I wait for Cameron to arrive.

"Hey there, stranger" a voice made me come back to reality and I looked up to find a pair of blue eyes and a big smile.

"Oh my god, hey" I stood up and immediately hugged him "How are you?" I said as I let go of him.

"I've been really good, Germany was amazing but there's no such thing as home" he sighed "And you?" He took a seat in front of me.

"I'm really really good" I smiled widely.

"That smile says everything" he chuckled "Tell me, what's that smile for? You're glowing, Tiny Brunette!" He smirked. I blushed slightly at the nickname he gave me a couple years ago.

"Remember Shawn?" I said.

"The jerk who left you at the hospital when you gave birth and didn't say anything but only left a note?" He frowned his brows. Shit.

"Uhm, yeah, him"

"What's with him?"

"Well, he came back a couple months ago and we are back together" I said nervously.

"What? Are you serious? After what he did to you?" He raised his voice.

"Hey, calm down. He explained how everything happened and that he actually wrote a letter for me but his manager changed it to a note and made all of us think it was from him" I explained.

"And you believed him?" He said sceptical.

"Of course I did. I know him and I know he wouldn't have left me like that if there wasn't a certain reason" I said kinda offended.

"If you were with me I would've never done that to you"

"Cam, we talked about this before you went to Germany. It wasn't the right time for me, I was completely heart broken because he left"

"I know, I'm sorry... Is he making you happy?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, he makes me the happiest" I can't help to smile and he relaxed. I thought he would be over me by now, apparently not.

"Well, in that case I'm happy for you" he gave me a sincere smile "What do you want to drink?"

"A vanilla latte with extra vanilla please" I smiled like a five year old.

"I'll be right back" he stood up and went to buy the drinks.

We spent the rest of the afternoon updating each other with our lives and accorded to meet tomorrow for breakfast since we still had a lot to talk about and Lena will be joining us too.

I got to the apartment and instantly got a FaceTime request from Shawn.

"Hey, baby" I smiled when his face popped up on the screen "I miss you" I made a pout.

"Don't do that, it just makes me want to kiss you more than I already do" he chuckled.

"How's tour?" I asked and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Amazing, the fans are so sweet and welcoming, but I still get nervous to perform this new music"

"Of course you do, if you didn't get nervous what would the point be?" I shrugged.

"Exactly" he laughed.

"And how are our kids?"

"First of all, it's so beautiful when you say it that way" I chuckled at the way he said it "Second of all, they are wonderful. They remind me so much of me when I was their age, how their eyes light up every time we land on a new city, how they enjoy discovering new things and how they get excited when they see the fans screaming for them and for me" his eyes lit up and I looked at him with heart eyes.

"I wish I was there" I sighed "Where are they? I wanna talk to them"

"They fell asleep at the moment we arrived to the hotel, but we'll call you tomorrow morning, I promise"

"Okay"

"And you? How are you doing?"

"I'm great, I mean, it feels awkward to be alone in here, Lena is settling down in the apartment but we still have been hanging out a couple times. Oh, remember that old friend I told you about?" He nodded "He's back in Toronto and I met with him today"

"That's nice" I saw how he clenched his jaw.

"Shawn?"

"Mmm?" He said without looking at the camera and pretending he was doing something else.

"Look at me" I said and he did.

"What?"

"I love you. He is only a friend, okay? I don't even know why you're acting like that"

"I'm sorry, I don't know either. I'm just... nothing" he sighed.

"No, tell me. You're what?"

"I just... I just love you so much and I'm so fucking scared of losing you again, I don't want to lose you again, I wouldn't know how to deal with it" I cut him before he could go on. I'm not letting his thoughts go this way.

"Hey, Shawn. Chill out, you're not going to lose me, you will never do, okay?"

"I would kiss you if I could" he rolled his eyes.

"Just another two months and a half before you come back" I joke.

"That's so long" he groaned.

"Stay focused on your performances, you'll do great" I smiled at him. He nodded and then yawned "Go get some rest, you deserve it" I gave him a small smile and he shook his head.

"I'm not tired. I want to keep on talking to you" he begged and now I shook my head.

"Well, if you want to look like a zombie tomorrow, go ahead"

"You're right" he groaned again "Well, sweet dreams, hun"

"Sleep tight, baby" I blew a kiss to the camera and then he hanged up.

The need to cry that always overwhelmed me after we hang up made its daily appearance and this time I didn't try to hold it. Right now neither my kids, Lena or Shawn were around and the apartment felt so cold and it was so silent I couldn't help to feel lonely.

I remembered the message Shawn wrote on my guitar, I cleaned the tears off my cheeks and walked to my room. I grabbed my guitar from the corner where I usually leave it and then sat on my bed.

I started to run my fingers through the strings, playing random melodies until I started to feel my eyelids getting heavy. I looked at the hour on my phone. Shit, almost 4.00 am.

I left my guitar against the wall on the corner it belongs and changed into my pyjamas. Then I went to bed and fell asleep right away.