Touch your heart (Severus Snape)

Chapter 23

The hot water falling down our sated bodies was making me feel even more tired and sleepy. I never felt so relaxed at night like I was feeling that moment. The only night I was peaceful for some time was when I fell asleep on Severus' couch, in his chambers. But even that moment was nothing compared with what I was feeling.

Being with him made me understand the true meaning of love and how intimate and powerful it can be. How satisfying can it be to trust someone in that vulnerable state. Being intimate with him, stripping all of our worries, fears and any other dark feelings, was the heaven I never thought I would know. But now I do, thanks to the man I love. Thanks to Severus.

I'm not stupid, I know this doesn't mean we're back to how we were before. I know a lot of things are about to happen. Bad things. But that doesn't mean my feelings for this man will fade away. - No. They can only grow.

I thought about this when my eyes were locked on his beautiful face, while his hands rested on my waist and my head found comfort on his chest, feeling the water wash off our sins.

Eventually, we got out of the shower and headed for the bed, still entwined in each other.

"I could stay like this forever," I whispered. His hands traveling across my arm, up and down, caressing it very softly.

"So do I." He replied, eyes locked in mine.

"Can we stay inside the room, like, forever? If anyone knocks on the door we just don't answer it."

"I'm afraid we cannot do that. I'm afraid this won't last long." He said, stopping his caress on my skin, gulping and acknowledging the existence of the outside world.

"I know," I muttered. "I just wished... I could be with you forever. I love you, Severus. And I'm afraid..."

"The worst is yet to come. We're still gathering forces to..." I interrupted him when I sat on his lap, facing him from above.

"I'm afraid of us. Of this thing we have... I have never been in love before. I have never let anyone in as I did with you. When I met you it was like... " I gulped and sighed, trying to find the right words that could express what I was really feeling. "...you shared my pain. I don't know what you did to me, but my mind unlocked something that was forgotten. Something that I didn't even know it existed... And this war that is to come..." I looked through the window. "... I'm not afraid of it. It's bad, yes. But... " I looked back at him. "I'm afraid of losing you, forever. And if that happens... Severus..."

Tears were running down my face, faster than I wanted and he was wiping them away with his brows furrowed. He, himself, didn't know what to say. Severus reciprocated the feelings. More than ever. He made sacrifices all his life, and he was never afraid after what happened with Lily. But now, he was scared for me. - He was terrified.

"No matter where I am. You will always be on my heart. And I will always be yours. I promise you."

I started sobbing and he hugged me, not knowing what to do.

"I don't want to lose you. You're the only one I have. I can't be alone again."

"You have Dumbledore. You have the three annoying brats that have more courage than all the world together. You have a family here now." He whispered, noticing what he could be losing too by fighting this war.

"Promise me one thing, Severus. Promise me you will come back to me. When this is all over, come back immediately to my arms. Please."

"I don't know if you will want me by then." He looked away from me.

"Why? Tell me, what will happen? You and Dumbledore are always so secretive. Tell me, Severus."

He sighed. "Bad things. More than you can imagine. And your trust in me will be tested but, I beg you, remember this: this is all part of Dumbledore's' plan. I committed myself with him and I cannot withdraw now. I wanted to, but I can't. Not now."

"You're scaring me." I pulled away from his arms.

"You should be scared." He pulled me back to him. "But please, don't think less of me."

"I could never do that," I whispered, planting a kiss on his lips. "Can I ask you one more thing?" He nodded. "Tonight, don't think about anything else, just... be with me. And when I wake up tomorrow morning, don't go anywhere. Stay. I'll leave for classes and I won't get in your way anymore. You will come to me when the time's right."

He pulled me back to his mouth, kissing me fervently and slowly positioning himself on top of me, between my legs, the place where he felt home. My love made his body ache for more contact and he found himself inside me again, thrusting while our tears fall down our faces and we found comfort on each other arms.