Touch your heart (Severus Snape)

Chapter 21

The next day I was nowhere to be seen.

I sent a message to Dumbledore telling him I wasn't feeling well and that I would be needing a few days, which he authorized. He was no fool, he knew exactly what was going on.

Minerva went to my chambers more than once to check on me. She was worried about my well-being, but as always, I didn't dare to tell her what really happened, even though she asked me several times if she could help.

Why would Severus do that? Was he disgusted by my letter? 

Does he regret saying he loves me? Was that even true?

I didn't know what else to believe and being alone inside that room was driving me crazy. One night, I woke up after a terrible nightmare and I was having another panic attack. - I know, nothing new. - But somehow I managed to calm down by controlling my breathing. 

And when I was back to normal I was boiling with rage. I couldn't continue living like that anymore. I had enough! So the next day, after everyone went to bed I packed a small bag and got out to the quiet night, tiptoeing out of Hogwarts and heading for my next mission.

"Escaping Hogwarts again, are we?"

I felt shivers all over my body when I heard Severus' stern voice. But I didn't let him see that. I made my strongest face and turned to him.

"Why do you even care?" And I turned to leave, my body trembling because of his presence. But he surprised me when he pushed me back, pinned me against the hall, and grabbed both my arms.

"Just because we shouldn't be together doesn't mean I don't care."

We stared at each other for some time and I swear he was about to kiss me when I pushed him away.

"Let me go, then."

"No. Where are you going?" He grabbed my arm again a pushed me again against the wall.

"I'm not running away if that's what you're worried about."

"That's not all I'm worried about." He raised a brow.

I sighed and finally gave in. "I'm going home, ok? I need to face my fears. I need to go back."

"You're going back to the Blacks' mansion? Are you out of your mind? That could be dangerous!" He asked with a bewildered look.

"Yes, I am aware of that." I rolled my eyes. "But I need to get over with this. Otherwise, I will continue to fuck my life because of that hell house..." I let a tear stroll down my cheek and then I looked him in the eyes. "And you can't stop me from going." I pushed my arm away from his grip abruptly.

"I know. That's why I'm going with you." I opened my mouth to protest, but he didn't let me speak. "I promised Dumbledore I would protect you and I intend to continue doing that."

I didn't say anything. I just huffed and proceeded my journey, accompanied by Severus.

As soon as we were out of Hogwarts' grounds, we apparated at the front door of my old house. Both of us had wands on our hands with a tight grip, ready for a fight, but the house was oddly empty. The main hall was filled with spider webs, dust, and broken wood.

"They abandoned the house?" Severus asked but I didn't answer him.

Slowly, I walked through some corridors that led stairs going down.

"I need you to stay here now," I said.

"You know that's not going to happen." He answered with his annoyed tone.

I rolled my eyes on him and went down very slowly until we reached the dungeons and to my "room."

It was just as I remind it. A thin and hard mattress serving as a bed, a toilet on the corner, a little desk on the other, with kids' drawings on top of it and on the floor. I entered it, slowly approaching the desk, picking up all the drawings and smiling when I saw them, letting a tear fall on the wooden desk. There were lots of drawings of me and my three best friends and some other drawings of Hogwarts. Then I approached my bed, kneeled in front of it, slowly caressing it while the tears fell down my face.

"This was your room?" Severus whispered. I almost forgot he was there.

"Yes. It was."

He didn't say anything, but I saw his pitty expression staring at me.

I got up and headed for the corner of my room where I caressed the rocks of the wall. "Some of the maids were actually good for me. And they would often give me some presents. Since I had unpleasant visits very often, I hid the gifts so no one could find them."

Suddenly the rocks in front of me were on the floor and a hole on the wall appeared. And I started to take things from inside it. A doll made with rags, a kids' storybook and a small box that I opened.

Severus was watching me attentively and it took him every strength not to hug me at that vulnerable moment. Knowing what I've been through was one thing, but seeing where my pain was inflicted was too much for him to bear. That's when he felt his walls trembling, threatening to fall apart completely.

I finally turned around after opening the box and took the small necklace on my hand. It was just as I remembered it: a black necklace with a beautiful golden angel pendant. It was my favorite maid who gave it to me. She said to hold him in the darkest times, to think of how much she loved me and how much she wishes me the best.

"She was the one who tried to help me escape once. And for that, she was tortured in front of me. They... skinned her alive. And after that, the other maids tried to be distant from me. She was the first one to show me what love was. A motherly love. And you... you showed me another kind of love. The one the is irrational. The one that has no boundaries. I know you, I see you for what you are. And I love you anyhow. " I look in Severus' eyes and started approaching him, step by step until I was just a few inches away from his face. Since he didn't push me away, I turned around and gestured him to put the necklace on me.

When I turned again, I was closer to his face. I could almost touch my nose with his, and I locked my eyes on him, feeling his mix of mint and whiskey breath. His eyes traveled to my neck where the necklace was and he couldn't help but look to my cleavage and back to my exposed neck, inhaling deeply.

My hands automatically cupped his face, as I planted a kiss on his lips and smiled softly with the corner of my lips.

"I love you, Severus."

He gasped and that's when he felt his walls finally tumbling down as he grabbed me by the waist and connected his mouth to mine.

"I love you, Angel." He whispered with his forehead against mine, trying to control his breathing and his racing heart. He knew it wasn't right. It wasn't right to drag me to his dark side. The one the I haven't seen yet. He knew it would have me killed. But, god, our bodies were attracted to each other like magnets. Our hearts beat in sync. How could he blow it away? How could he not fight for this love? He has been a fighter all his life and he was a strong man. But how was he being so weak now?

God knows how much he tried to push me away, but his heart didn't let him so he stayed glued to me. And when he was finally able to do it, to push me away from his irrational heart, I ceased that action with a few words that won him over.

 "Take me to your chambers," I demanded and, surprisingly, he obeyed.