Touch your heart (Severus Snape)

Chapter 41

Weeks have passed since the ball and Severus and I've been planning the wedding. The school year was over, Hogwarts was almost empty again, but we stayed in our chambers for some more weeks, until we finished everything we needed to do. We want to keep the wedding simple and secretly, just the closest friends were invited and it will be held in Hogwarts by the end of Summer break.

Right before the school year ended, I started feeling strange. It all started with a little headache and nausea since I wake up every morning. It's odd because I never get sick since I was a little girl, I was resistant to every kind of viruses.

"It must be a flu," I said to a worried Severus.

He would always make a "hmm" sound, totally not believing my excuse; or a "you should go to Madame Pomfrey."

But - of course - I would ignore his observations and continued my days with that discomfort hovering me.

When we had the last professors' meeting scheduled, after the students started leaving Hogwarts to go back home, was when everyone became aware of my odd condition. Severus was talking about one of our poorest students that had a rough year and about how we could help him when I started feeling cold shivers and dizzy.

"Darling, are you ok?" Minerva whispered when she saw me sit abruptly. Since I nodded yes, but my face was pale as chalk, she put a hand on my forehead checking for any sign of fever, but there was none. Everyone's attention turned to me, along with Severus'. Watching me very worried, Severus dismissed the rest of the professors, rescheduling the meeting for later.

"When will you stop being so stubborn and go to Madame Pomfrey like I've been asking you for days now?" Severus asked with his clearly annoyed tone.

Minerva looked at me with a puzzled look. "You've felt like this before?"

"Yes, she has. But she refuses to be checked." Severus replied before I could even open my mouth, little snitch.

She faced me worried. "What have you been feeling?"

"Dizziness, nausea, tiredness, I want to sleep all the time..." I said, hand resting on my forehead as another headache started burning.

"May I ask you a question?" Since I eyed her very attentively, she hesitated to speak but ended up opening her mouth. "Is there any possibility of being pregnant?"

I gasped, feeling panic growing inside my head, thinking about some way to run away from that situation. Severus knew about my past. About what happened with Uncle Maxime and the abortion. But I never told him the full proportions of what happened. Since I didn't get any medical attention back then, I fell ill and Uncle Maxime got me a doctor in secret. The doctor told me that I had a miscarriage and that there was a possibility of becoming infertile due to an infection. Of course, the doctor wanted to take me away and my uncle killed him on sight. Nevertheless, I knew that wasn't the time to tell him now, nor was time to lie to them. So I closed my eyes and looked at Severus.

"No. Due to... accidents that happened on my past I cannot have children." I tried to hold back my tears and Severus leaned against the wall behind him for support. He had a shocked look on his face, - or a hurt one, I can't tell. And Minerva, unaware of the proportions of the situation, gave me a pat on my shoulder, with a sad look on her face.

"Then you should see Madame Pomfrey immediately." And she turned around, leaving me and the headmaster of Hogwarts by ourselves.

"I'm sorry, Severus," I whispered.

"For what?" He asked, eyeing me questioningly.

"For not telling you this part of the story. I thought you..." I swallowed hard and tears betrayed me, falling down my cheeks. "I was afraid to tell you... I wasn't sure if you wanted kids. And I can't give them to you, so I--"