Touch your heart (Severus Snape)

Chapter 33

I must have fallen asleep for a while in the bathtub. I had pleasant dreams about Severus. He was sitting by a tree with a book on his hands and I was laying on the floor, with my head on his lap. As Severus dived in his book, I was watching the sky and observing how the small clouds were moving so slowly. I swear when I woke up I could feel his soft hand caressing my hair, but when I heard Hermione's' voice calling out for me, I suddenly felt so lonely inside that bathroom.

"Angel?" Hermione called in a quiet voice.

"Yes? I'm still on the bathtub relaxing." I answered and there was silence for a while before she opens her mouth to speak once more.

"Take your time, then," and she left me alone with my own thoughts.

Soon after I was back to sleep and back to my Severus. If that's the only way I can be with him, I wouldn't mind sleeping forever.

***

Hours later Hermione came back with an exciting expression. It actually bothered me, since I was dying inside.

I answered her call from my bedroom, where I was finishing dressing up. Hermione picked a white jumpsuit with a small cape on the back. I smiled when I saw her choice. Minerva offered me this jumpsuit as a birthday gift but I never really got to wear it. 

"Wow. It's beautiful." She was smiling at me as her eyes scanned how the clothes fit perfectly, but her eyes had this concealed look that got me curious. "The ministry arrived along with several other people to take the dead and the injured to a proper place. The school will be cleaned up soon."

I widened my eyes at her statement. "Severus! I need to see Severus before they take him away."

"No." She grabbed my arms. "They won't take him away. You'll see him soon. But first." She took my wand from her pocket and gave it back to me. "I kept it with me since... well, since you died." She felt her voice weak when she finished the sentence. She was still trying to process everything that happened and she was having a hard time doing it.

"Thank you, Hermione..." She then waved her hand on the air and my hair got immediately dried and straightened.

"We don't want you to get a cold, do we?" She smiled, putting a hand on my back. "Come. You need to eat before going out." And she waved again her wand, conjuring lots of food on my kitchen table.

"You're so sweet Hermione. Thank you for taking good care of me." I started eating the delicious food in front of me, starting by filling my cup with orange juice. "So, you and Ron uh?" She widened her eyes and I laughed. "I saw the looks you were exchanging in the Great Hall. That's good."

She beamed shyly. "Thank you."

"I wish you the best. Love is a very powerful thing, you see? It can make you do crazy things. It can make you feel good, it can hurt sometimes. But in the darkest times, it is the only light of hope you want to see."

"Wow, you sound like Dumbledore talking." She stated.

"Well, he was a good teacher." I smiled at her and we remained in silence until I was done eating.

Something inside me was making me scared of seeing Severus' lifeless body. I'm scared that image would haunt me the rest of my life, but I know I wouldn't be restful if I don't see it with my own eyes. And I think I'm still in shock with Severus' death. I don't know how I'm not crying my ass out because of him. I think Dumbledore sent me back because he wanted me to see that there was more in life. That I could have love from my friends and still be happy in spite of the incompleteness I felt in my heart.

And that thought made me smile.

"So... what was it like?" Hermione interrupted my thoughts.

"What was like what?" 

"Well... to die." I muffled a laugh and she apologizes immediately. "I'm sorry to ask you, but you know, it's something that doesn't usually happens. I mean, you were dead for maybe three hours." 

"That long?" I was surprised. When I was with Dumbledore in Severus' chambers, when everything was lighter inside my heart, it seemed like just a few minutes had passed. But now she tells me three hours? Wow.

"Yes, that's why we were surprised when you woke up." She bit her lower lip. "Did you see Severus when you died?"

I was lost in my thoughts, contemplating how funny it was - time. And as my thoughts were working their way, my mouth was independently moving.

"As strange as it seems, no. I didn't actually see him. Instead, I was back to his chambers and Dumbledore was there with that usual kind smile and his open arms." I smiled at the memory of his hug, I could still feel his warmth in my heart. "As always he had the right words to comfort me."

"Yes, Dumbledore was that good." She smiled. "Nothing else?"

I thought about what Dumbledore told me, about "them", whoever they are. But some things must be kept unknown to the world. So I just told her about how conversation but left the "them" part out of the way.

"Harry was the only one surviving twice to the killing curse, but Potio divina magicae? Usually, there's nothing that remains from the bodies that tasted it." She actually looked excited with the talk. "You know they all will want to ask you questions about it, don't you?"

"Let them. I can only tell them the truth." I beamed at her and that conversation stopped there.

So, as soon as I finished eating we left my chambers and Hermione told me everything that happened while I was dead. She told me about the unfolding of the battle, how Neville managed to cut Nagini's head off and how Harry finally defeated Voldemort. She also told me about the casualties we had, both severe and deadly injuries, which was hard to hear. 

But notwithstanding the loss of many friends, the feeling in the air was much lighter, knowing we don't need to look over our shoulders anymore, nor being afraid of trusting someone all the time.

"Come. We need to go to the Viaduct Courtyard, to the entrance gates." She gestured me to follow her.

"Why? Isn't Severus on his chambers?" I asked impatiently. There was this urge to see him one last time, to tell him that I will always love him and that won't let anyone forget about what he had done for the world. I wanted to hold him in my arms one more time before saying my last goodbye. Part of me didn't want to believe he was gone - I never saw any trace of his death, only know what Harry told me. And the other part of me was trying to cope with it and convince myself that I was back for a reason - and it wasn't to cry his death. If I was back, it was for some valid reason,  so I was trying to gather strength to face the hurtful true. - Severus was gone.

"Yes, he his, but we need to go there first. Trust me." She smiled, interrupting my train of reflections, and we set a faster pace in the direction of the place where the battle occurred and where I died.