Touch your heart (Severus Snape)

Chapter 15

Everyone went to their bedrooms at 1 A.M. and only I and Severus remained in the dining room. Sirius was the last to leave but he hesitated because he was loving the way Severus reacted to his sweet talking to me.

"Are you sure you want to stay here with that bat? He could contaminate you with his annoying face. You can also sing me to sleep." He joked.

Severus was about to lash out and I intervened, "Isn't past your bedtime, kid? Go to bed."

"Yeah yeah, I'll leave you alone." He grumbled.

"And don't forget to brush your teeth, mouth-breather," I yelled and Severus grinned slightly. I looked at him with an amazed expression and asked "What? Didn't you tell me to be careful with him? I'm putting him in line." I laughed.

"Yes, I can see that." He smiled softly.

"What's up with you and him? I can see you two have a story and it's not good." I asked more seriously.

"He and his friends were swine." He sighed. "I have every reason to hate him, James and Peter. They... did things during our childhood that will be never forgiven."

"Oh come on, it couldn't be that bad for you to still hold a grudge." I saw his severe expression and I understood: it was that bad.

"Black sent me to the Shrieking Shack as a joke when Remus was there because of the full moon. If James didn't... saved me, Lupin would have killed me." He looked down.

"Why would they do that?" I asked softly.

"Because they are pigs." He looked at my raised eyebrow and elaborated. "First of all, because I existed. Second, because I loved Lily and they managed to blow it until James was the one she married." Somehow I felt a knot in my throat. The way he talked about Lily, for the first time, it seemed like he still felt something for her. How could I ever compete with that? Oh, what am I talking about? Damn. " And third, well, I was a Slytherin. Black' heritage is Slytherin, like you, and Black was against it, that's why he was put in Gryffindor and that's why he decided to turn my life into a living hell."

"Who knew Sirius would be capable of that?" I thought out loud. "The thing is, you were children. You should have grown up and forgiven what's in the past."

He huffed. "I can't. Everything that happened, Lily breaking up with me, marring James and dying in the hands of the Dark Lord, it is the Marauders' fault. And I wish they all burn in hell for the misery they originated." He was boiling in anger now, with his fist clenched on the table.

I gasped, eyes opened staring at him. "You still love her...?"

He seems like he lost his mind to somewhere else, and he whispered. "Part of me will always have her in my heart. But as Dumbledore told me, I have to move on. And I've been trying to do that my whole life. I couldn't do it... I couldn't move on. Until a few years back when something changed. I didn't think about her anymore, and I felt guilty for that, so I drown in my own sorrow. But it kept happening, so I just let it go. It's.. somehow... easier now." He eyed me as if something was racing through his mind, but he shook it away and his hard expression came back.

"That's good, Severus. It doesn't mean you have to forget she existed. It doesn't mean you don't have to mourn her anymore. It means you learned to live with what you have now. And you can honor her by living your life... or do you think she would want you to be your whole life griefing her?"

"She wouldn't." He muffled a laugh.

"What would she say to you if she was here now?"

He eyed me for a while. "She would say... that the wine is having an effect on me. I'm talking too much."

I giggled. "That's why I didn't drink too much. If I did, damn, I would be writing my whole life in a book and it would be a terror. But you're not talking too much. You can trust me." I winked.

"I know that." He simply said and remained quiet for a while. "Something I wasn't able to do for a long period of time."

"You know what? I admire you. Even though you have every right to hate Sirius and hand him to the Dementors, after knowing about his innocence, you didn't do it. That's something very valuable."

"I had to fight every piece of my being not to do it." He muffled another laugh.

"And yet, you didn't do it. You are truly amazing."

And we remained in silence for some time, eyeing each other. If we weren't on opposite sides of the table I would be hugging him or even worse, I would be kissing him. Something about his shiny dark eyes looking at me attract me to him like a magnet.

Eventually, he got up, saying goodbye. "I should be going, it's so late."

I looked at my watch and it was 5 in the morning. "What? Already? We started talking at 1 A.M. Damn..."

He smiled, again. And again, I melted.

"It is good to talk with you, Angel. I feel... lighter." He approached me and my body shivered. Why the hell is my body responding this way to his proximity? Why the hell do I act this way around him?

"That's... nice. Really nice." I nodded with my head, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and biting my lower lip, looking down. I needed to look somewhere else, otherwise, this wouldn't end well.

He eyed me and sighed before taking my hands in his.

Feeling his clicked something inside of me. My heart started to race, my breathing was uneven and I felt dizzy when he lifted his other hand, connected it with my cheek and stroke it gently. I closed my eyes, feeling his touch and trying to memorize how it feels like, but then I felt something different. His body approached mine and his lips brushed in mine very gently. He teased me, by caressing my lips with his, along with his hand on my cheek.

Slowly he forced my lips to open and my mouth to receive his tongue. Gently his tongue brushed against mine like he wanted to feel every tiny piece of me. My body reaction was to get closer to him and it seems he wanted the same. But he was slowly pushing me back until I hit the table, where I sat, allowing him to position his body between my legs since both of us were longing for more contact.

This time he didn't let his hands adventure themselves too much. He didn't want to scare me away, so he treated me like a delicate flower.

He pulled away slightly, catching his breath. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him and I was surprised. He wasn't running away, he wasn't in panic like the other times we kissed. He didn't stop touching me with care.

"I should really go now." He whispered, lips brushing in mine.

"Now? Why?" I tried to talk sternly, but it came out as a gasp.

"Because otherwise, I won't stop."

"And that's bad?"

He sighed and finally let go of cheeks and pulled away, looking down.

"Now it's not the time for this. You know there's something bad coming." He finally spoke, with his voice trembling.

I jumped out of the table and approached him. "That's exactly why we should have time for this."

He tried to get away from my approaching. "There's so much you don't know. There's so much that if you ever knew, you wouldn't want to look at me again."

I hugged him, even against his will but he soon melted into the embrace. "I don't care. I see you for what you are."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He whispered, planting a kiss on my hair.

"Probably. But if Voldemort wins and we all die, at least I would die happy. It's worth it. At least for me." I felt him smiling.

"You sound very much like Dumbledore." He stated.

"What do you mean? You talked with him about this?"

He planted a kiss on my hair and groaned. "You're a noisy brat, you know that?"

"Yeah, an annoying bat told me." I looked at him, connected my lips with his one more time before he leaves Grimmauld Place and I went to bed, with a smile on my face.