Touch your heart (Severus Snape)

Chapter 13

The next days I didn't see Severus or talked to him at all. Something tells me he was avoiding me and when I asked Dumbledore where he was, Dumbledore just looked at me and smiled, giving me a pat on my back.

Meanwhile, I've become best friend with my dear cousin, Sirius. He was a victim of our family beliefs, he was a victim of Voldemort and a victim of society, as I am. So we had a lot to talk about and we rely on each other with our darkest fears.

Every time we had an Order reunion, besides Severus avoiding me, he and Sirius would get into constant fights. I don't even understand why they hated each other, but I didn't dare to ask. Yet.

Mad-Eye Moody apologized for being suspicious of me, which I gladly accepted his excuse and we can now talk like two civilized beings.

And after some weeks, the school year was starting again and we had to leave 12 Grimmauld Place and Sirius would be left alone. That made me sad, but I promised to write to him every now and then and that I would visit him whenever I could.

We were gathering in the dining room, like always, and we were saying our goodbyes to Sirius. Much to Severus displease, Sirius hugged me and Harry at the same time and said: "When this is all over, we'll be a proper family."

"I hope so," I said, smiling deeply into the hug.

But the rest of the year was awful. When we got back to School, the Ministry sent the Undersecretary Professor Dolores Jane Umbridge to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, and to control Hogwarts management. It was horrible to see what she was doing to the school. She was attacking the teachers one by one. And one day it was my turn to be overwhelmed with her cringy behavior.

"For what I know, you were homeless before you started teaching in Hogwarts and that you left school on your 6th grade?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And somehow Dumbledore invited you to be a teacher on this high-rated school, saying you were the best. Well, certainly he didn't spend too much time looking." She fake a sympathetic smile.

Students were already gathering around us. "Are you doubting my capacity to teach?"

"I surely am not."

"Well, it seems to me that you were the one that didn't spend too much time looking for the results I've achieved. Students' grades increased, as much as their interest in Muggle Studies. Students are interested in the matter ever since I started teaching them because I lived among the Muggles. No one better than me to show them their costumes. Not because the classes are easy, by the contrary. The level of difficulty increased. I can't be the best Wizard in the world, but I am the best teacher of Muggles Studies. And if you're doubting my qualities, then you're doubting the Headmaster himself, every teacher and every student in this school." I smiled at her shocked face. "Which you surely are not." She didn't dare to answer, so I finished her. "Have a good night, ma'am."

I saw a clear smirk on Severus when I turned around to go to Dumbledore's' office, where he called me beforehand. Following me were Severus and Minerva, that was also called. During the conversation, Severus and I would often stare at each other and we couldn't help it.

Minerva was desperate: "Dumbledore, this can't go on like this. She'll destroy this school soon if nothing is made."

"I am aware of that, Minerva. But I do have a plan. And you all need to trust me. Sacrifices will be made in order to fight not only Voldemort but also the Ministry. I know the worst is yet to come, but we need to be close to each other now more than ever. We need friends, allies, everyone on our side. We will intensify the recruitment, but you need to have your loved ones by your side, either you live or die."

He looked to all of us, but more importantly, he was looking to Severus.

We stayed inside his office for quite some time, talking about what to do next, until he dismissed us all, except for Severus and before the door was closed behind me all I could hear was: "When will you admit to yourself your true feelings?"

Part of me was curious about the origin of their conversation, the other part was afraid of what it could be about. So I headed for my chamber, intending to go to bed and to sleep.

****

Meanwhile, in the headmaster's' office Dumbledore was still discussing the matter with Severus.

"I don't know what are you referring to, headmaster." He said carefully, eyeing him very attentively and with a thinking gaze.

"Severus, I've been wandering the earth for hundreds of years now. I know you your whole life. I know how you suffered. How you've been mourning for all these years. And when Angel came to this school, I saw the change in you. I was curious about it and got observant. And I wasn't mistaken. You have feelings for her. Good feelings."

"Well, doesn't everybody has good feelings for the girl?" He said, trying to hide the panic inside his pounding heart.

"Yes, indeed. Yet, yours are different, aren't they?" Since he didn't answer, Dumbledore got to where he wanted and smiled. "Severus, you already suffered so much. Why don't you give yourself an opportunity? There's a high probability we all gonna die, but there's also the possibility of winning and go on with our lives. Why don't you enjoy while you can, giving this uncertain future?"

"You know why I can't. It is a liability."

"Why don't you let HER decide that? Severus, this is all we take with us when we die. Love. Nothing else."

"I don't believe this is time for l--." Dumbledore interrupted him.

"Yet, you desire it. You've proved your worth all these years, never thinking about anything besides defending all of us in secret. You deserve this Severus. You above anyone else deserve this. And her? She suffered too much in her life. She didn't have anyone to love her. Don't you think she deserves that?"

Severus' eyes were tearful, much to his displeasure and he was sobbing every now and then, leaning his back against the wall for support. He couldn't. He couldn't have developed feelings for the girl that came to his life and made him smile again. It wasn't fair for me, and he believed strongly in that. And after Lily's' he never thought he would connect with anyone else. It felt strange. He felt overwhelmed. Weak. Like his heart could break any moment. Especially whenever he saw me in danger and was powerless. Or when I made jokes in the most inopportune moments. Or when I smiled even in the darker times. Even after everything that I've been through.

He remained quiet until he was able to speak again, but very weakly: "I won't bear losing another person in my life."

"You don't need to lose her. You can keep her safe." Dumbledore said softly.

"Like I kept Lily?" A tear finally ran down his cheek, falling to the floor.

"Lily and James trusted the wrong people. Angelina trusts you. Whether you want it or not. Severus, you do as you please, but trust me when I tell you this: when you're about to die, the only thing you think about is love. And that's what makes you endure everything and continue to live."

Severus nodded and sighed, acknowledging everything Dumbledore has told him. He went for his pocket and handed a vial to Dumbledore. "I made it. It should be capable of holding your curse for a while, now. You must take it and I'll check on it often." And he turned around to leave the office.

"Severus, talk with her. Discover what you both are feeling. You could be surprised, this time."

He just nodded and finally got out of the office, heading to his chambers.