Touch your heart (Severus Snape)

Chapter 18

Dumbledore got back as the headmaster of Hogwarts and everything went back to the way they were before, but now, the students lost their usual happiness. They are crestfallen and terrorized. Now that they know Voldemort is really back, they are scared to death. And I don't blame them.

That weekend the students were supposed to go to Hogsmeade and some teachers decided to go too. It's a good way to get away from the school environment and drink a cup or two.

As usual, I went for a hot chocolate and a book, occupying the corner of the Three Broomsticks Inn. Since Severus and I are dating in secret, each of us was sitting on different tables.

After some time reading a book about advanced spells and their origins I heard someone calling my name.

"Angelina? Little Angel???" I looked up and saw a gorgeous blonde haired man, with deep green eyes staring at me with a huge smile on his face.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I asked, putting the book down.

"Yeah yeah, Jonathan McKenzie? We studied together?"

"Oh my god, Johnny?" I got up and hugged him, happy for finding old school friends.

"Guys, it's her, come on." I heard him yelling to two more guys that were on the other table. "We'll buy you a drink for the old times. You remember Ronald and Han?"

"Of course I remember, we were best friends!" I happily answered.

"You just... disappeared. We were so shocked when we heard. We just wished you had contacted us. Let us know you were ok, but you never showed up again. We even thought you were dead."

"Almost, but no. I had to run. You all knew what happened whenever I got back home." I lowered my gaze.

"We know. We're just happy you are ok. So, tell us, how's your life going?"

"Well, it was a mess until Albus Dumbledore asked me to be a teacher in Hogwarts. Since then, I've been teaching Muggle Studies and my life is doing great. What about all of you? Han, did you asked the Hufflepuff girl out? Uh, Liz. I never knew about the unfolding of that story."

They all escaped a laugh and Johnny was the first to talk. "Don't ask him that, he still suffer. He did ask her. But she was in love with Ron, so she asked him if he would ask Ron to go out with her instead."

"No, she didn't! That's mean!!!" I said shocked and laughing at the same time.

"Ha-ha, very funny. You want me to tell her your shameful stories? Well, Angel, here mister Johnny admitted he had a crush on you when you disappeared. We swear we caught him crying over you."

Johnny rolled his eyes at them and smiled at me.

"So, I see your love life is the same as it was years ago. Non-existant."

"Hey! I have a girlfriend!" Ron answered.

"Who's she? The invisible woman?" I laughed.

"Ha-ha." He fell quiet. "It's Lizz."

I gasped and started laughing like a maniac. "No, you didn't." 

***

Then we stayed talking for 2 hours about each of our lives, catching up for all these years I've been away. I thought no one would remember me after I ran away, but apparently, I was wrong. And talking with them was like we never got out of school. They were still jerks and I loved it.

"Take care of yourself, little Angel." Jonnhy hugged me before going away. "You grew up into the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I'm happy about that. Keep in touch."

When they left me alone in the table, I couldn't contain my bright smile. So I remained there remembering Hogwarts memories and occasionally I had to clean my tears away.

I felt Severus' gaze sometimes. Especially when Johnny, Ron, and Han were talking with me and even heard him hit his glass on the table abruptly when Jonnhy hugged me before going away.

That night, as usual, I went to Severus' chamber after dinner and he was oddly quiet.

"Are you ok, Severus?" I asked softly, sitting on his lap on his chair.

"Fine." He coldly said while I kissed his ear.

"You can't lie to me." I smiled at him and he sighed.

"That guy from the bar today, was he your boyfriend in school?" Oh, jealousy. That's why he's so grumpy today.

"Those guys today were my best friends when I was in school. I haven't seen them for years."

"That's not what I asked. Was he your boyfriend?" His dull tone was obvious now.

"No. You know I never had a boyfriend." I answered him harshly, getting up from his lap.

"Did he want to?" He asked, raising his voice to a graver tone.

"What the hell is this Severus? What's your problem?" I roared back annoyed.

"My problem is seeing an unknown blonde guy throwing himself at my gi-- you and you smiled like nothing was going on." He ended up stumbling in his words. Cute.

"You were going to say, your girlfriend?" I grinned at him, getting back to his lap slowly.

"No."

"Oh yes, you were. Am I your girlfriend now?" I kissed his neck.

"Do you want to?"

"I do." I hugged him and then looked to the ceiling mocking him. "Awww, Severus, my jealous boyfriend."

"I'm not jealous."

"Yes, you are. Tell me why. What do you fear?" I asked, sitting now in front of him, legs connected behind his waist.

"Old best friends from school. Giving you compliments. How can I compete with that?" He muffled a laugh, but his expression remained stern.

"You don't need to compete with anyone. You're the one I want."

He diverted his look from his eyes. "I don't think so."

There was something he wasn't telling me. He knows he can talk with me about everything. Even though he seems like a hard person, actually the man has a tender heart. And if there's something hurting him, I wanted to know what it was.

"Severus," I cupped his face with my hands. "Tell me what's really wrong."

He closed his eyes, feeling my hands on his cheeks and sighed. "I... don't know what to say."

"Hey, it's me. You can tell me. "I planted a kiss on his nose.

"Do you really want me?" He finally asked, his voice weak.

"Of course I want you. Only you, Severus. It has always been you."

"You know I'm much older than you. You know I'm...-- different. I don't know if I have what you need."

"What are you talking about, crazy man? I am happy with you. Where does this come from?" I eyed him startled by his behavior.

"It's just... When I'm around you, I can't control myself. I-- want you. If you know what I mean... I desire you. All of you." Oh, so that's the problem. Fuck. "And I know that I am not attractive like those guys, but you say you want me... but I feel like you don't feel the same. My b-body reacts in crazy ways when I'm with you and sometimes when I see you I just want to take you right there, at that moment."

I gasped, acknowledging the true intentions of his words. I never fully told him about my past. About what my uncle used to do to me. And even though I thought about it several times, my body just rejects the idea of having someone that close to me.

"I'm sorry, Angel. That's how I feel."

I nodded, lost in my thoughts, but the conversation ended there.

And soon after I was opening his chambers' door to go back to mine.

If only I knew how to tell him.