Touch your heart (Severus Snape)

Chapter 32

My hearing started working before the rest of my body. Since I couldn't move, nor feel anything, I started paying attention to the sounds I heard around me. There were people crying and whispering. They sound really desperate and I wanted just to wake up to aid them.

I felt a hard floor under my body and sheets covering me from feet to head. It was actually tickling me in the nose and I wanted to scratch it. So I made an additional attempt to open my eyes, but they closed immediately, sore from all the light they received. It took me some time to finally be able to open them properly and to move my body very slowly.

I uncovered my body and immediately recognized where I was. - The Great Hall. - I gasped. I didn't want to come back. Without Severus, there's nothing here for me, I told Dumbledore that. So why would he send me back?

Now in a sitting position, I looked all around me and saw lot's of dead bodies and wounded people laying on the floor, healers running from one side to another. It was madness - people were crying beside their loved ones' corpses, desperate with the pain inside their chests. 

It took some time until someone glanced in my direction and gasped when they saw me alive. Soon after, almost all heads in the room turned around to look at me.

"Let me through." I heard Madame Pomfrey. "How-- This is impossible!" She was by my side, examining my pupils, my pulse and feeling the temperature of my skin. "The poison you took was strong enough to burn you to ashes. How are you even alive?"

"I have no idea," I whispered, still gathering strength.

"Call Harry! Call Hermione and call Ron!!!" She yelled and immediately someone started running out of the Great Hall, returning soon after with the brave trio.

"Angel!" Hermione ran to my side, hugging me. "You're alive! YOU'RE ALIVE." She shouted, crying and laughing at the same time.

Ron and Harry kneeled on my side and joined the hug, turning it into a warm, long and silent embrace. Even though I wanted to stay wherever Dumbledore was, feeling the love from my friends was enough to make smile. Something inside me told me there was so much more to live for if we have friends like these three kids.

After cleaning away my tears and finishing the hug, I faced Harry and smiled.

"Where's him? Where's Severus' body?" He looked at me surprised by my question and he hesitated to answer.

"He's in his chambers. We didn't want him to be among this mess. He deserves better." He looked down to his hands. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for not believing in you... in him."

"Severus was a complex man. Full of pain and sorrow. He never opened himself to anyone. But he had a good heart. And he had so much love to give." I was almost whispering, trying to stay strong even though my tears were clouding my vision and my voice was failing in every letter I pronounced.

"I'm sorry, Angel," Hermione said, holding me again. "You have us now. You will always have us. I promise you."

"You three are the best people I have ever met. So brave... So strong together. I'm proud of you. All of you. And I'm sure Dumbledore is too." I cleaned my tears, trying to get up.

"Please,  Angelina, don't get up yet. After all, you were dead for hours. We'll take you to your chambers to rest. It is utterly necessary." Madame Pomfrey stated.

"No. To Severus'. Please." I pleaded and she stared at me, uncertain whether she should let me go or not.

But before she could even open her mouth to speak, Argo Filch entered the Great Hall squealing "POMFREY!!! POMFREY!!! WHERE THE HEL IS POMFREY???" He froze when he saw me alive and well and Pomfrey rushed to his side.

"What is it?"

Still in shock, he whispered something in her ear and she glanced back at us with such a serious expression, signaling to Harry to follow after her. Soon after they were nowhere to be seen and I was left alone with Hermione and Ron. Molly and Minerva approached us, happy to see me well, even though there was nothing more than death within those walls.

"Maybe Madame Pomfrey was right, let's get you to your chambers. I'm sure you'll want to take a shower, change clothes and eat something, wouldn't you?" Hermione asked.

"Of course she should," Minerva answered immediately, not giving me a change protest and helped Hermione and Ron getting me up. She then put a blanket on my back and gave me a pat on the shoulders. She didn't need to talk, her look was answering everything. There was sadness, but there was also relief. It was finally over. The darkness that haunted us all these years finally cease to exist.

So they did as commanded and escorted me back to my chambers where they left me alone with Hermione so she could help me get out of my clothes and get a bath. Even though I was alive and well, my body was a bit sore and every movement caused me so much pain.

"You know? There are students saying you really live up to your name. That you're an Angel, that sacrificed for all of us." She was picking out clothes from my wardrobe. "They are truly grateful for you, for Harry and for Snape."

"It's not fair... Severus sacrificed his whole life for us. He should be here instead of me. He should be alive, not me." I whispered, head buried on my hands.

"Shhh. Don't say that. If Snape was here he would be taking points from Gryffindor for hearing you saying that." She smiled.

"I'm a teacher. He cannot do that." I smiled back.

"Trust me. You're Gryffindor. He would." And she opened the hot water from the bathtub and helped me in. "I'm going to leave you here for some time. Relax. I'll be here in 20 minutes." And she left the chambers, leaving me alone with my racing thoughts.

I fell on a trance, staring at the hot water filling up the bathtub, as the steam clouded the mirror on the wall and that reminded me of Severus. - Why does everything remind me of him and what I have lost? Would I suffer like this for the rest of my life?

That night I had the most terrifying nightmare and was sweating like a waterfall. So, as usual, I got out of my chambers, panting, dizzy and almost fainting and walked through the dark corridors of Hogwarts, heading for the chamber that always welcomes me. Severus'.

I didn't even need to knock on his door. He was there, waiting for me, with the usual concern on his eyes whenever he saw my panic attacks. And as usual, he let me in and hugged me on the couch. Only this time he felt how sweaty I was and took me to his bathroom where he opened the hot water and filled up the bathtub. Trying to hid how aroused he was every time he saw me naked, he helped me enter the tub and massaged my shoulders.

"Another nightmare?" He asked in a low voice.

"This one was worse than the others," I whispered. "I felt like I was dying."

"You're safe now, Angel. Close your eyes." He kissed the top of my head. "You can sleep here tonight."

"I just want this to end. Can't we just run? Away from everything?" I begged, tears falling on the water blending with it.

"I wish I could do that. But I'm afraid it cannot be possible." He hugged me, entering the water behind me, even though he was getting his night clothes wet. He held me on his arms and planted soft kisses on my face from time to time until he felt me relaxed and almost falling asleep on his arms.