High School Mayhem

~~~58~~~

I'm not good with feelings, I don't know what liking someone who isn't an anime character or something like that is like. Even with celebrity crushes stuff, I don't think about it romantically necessarily, like going on dates with them but I do get jealous when they go with people I don't ship them with or anyone at all to be honest.

Except for Gray Fullbuster, but I picked him as my husbando, of course I like him.

But what is it like to actually like someone, to think about dates and... kissing.

Since he kissed me... does that mean he likes me? How long? Why? He shouldn't... I think I already broke his heart and he hasn't even confessed. If he keeps liking me, I'll only break his heart more.

I'm not a romantic person, I can't even say 'I love you' to my own family and that's not romantic at all. I'll never be able to say it to someone who isn't family. I don't even hug my family or anyone else because I hate being touched.

I'm not who or what he needs or even wants most likely. Who knows, it could have been spur of the moment. He may not even like me that way and he's thinking about the same thing, then he'll realize he doesn't like me that way, then...

Then he'll go back to thinking about college.

My chest tightens as I get the sudden urge to cry. It's dumb but I'll miss him so much, he's already been accepted into a college halfway across the world.

Okay fine, country, but it feels further.

And even if I wanted to go to the same college as him, I already know I wouldn't get into it. I don't have the best grades or any sort of talent. He got in on a soccer scholarship.

Besides, I kind of want to be able to come back to help my mom with my younger siblings because she just keeps having more and more kids.

On top of that, I don't really want to go to college. I hate school so much already, why do more when I don't need it for what I want to do in life.

If I don't get famous, I'll become a daycare teacher and instead of going to college, I'll go to a training school.

Either way, Laurance and I aren't going to be together, he's moving across the country, while I'll most likely stay here. He may not even like me plus in a couple days it'll be illegal for us to date.

He's turning 18 and I'm still 16.

Why am I talking about dating? We don't even know if we like each other.

Maybe we're just good friends and we feel VERY comfortable with each other and in the future, we'll look back on the kiss and laugh because we're friends, right? Good friends?

It doesn't feel right to me though.

As I thought about being nothing else but friends, my heart dropped as a lump grew in my throat. Warm tears start to form at the corner of my eyes as they sting.

This is so dumb, I don't even understand why I'm crying.

That's what we are, friends, that's all we'll ever be and I know that. I know he'll never like me even if I...

...even if I want him to?

I don't know. Do I like Laurance? Why can't I tell?

But there's a possibility he could like me though, right? Even if I doubt it, the best time to talk to him about this is right now, after we just kissed.

I make my way toward the building doors when I get a text, from Laurance.

~*Laur ^^ Needs Help*~

Hey... I'm sorry about that.

~~~

Does he mean the kiss?

~~~

It's okay

I'm glad you say that
Ik it's your first kiss...
I didn't mean to take it
It should've been special
Idk what came over me lol
Sorry

~~~

What? So... he didn't want to kiss me? I knew it, he doesn't like me, I can't believe I was going to go up there and confess.

Another lump grows in my throat as the tears sting the corners of my eyes, heat rushes to my face and I can't help but feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

I'm so dumb.

I wish I could turn back time to when I didn't think about any of this. I wish I could shrivel up and hide. I wish I could make him like me.

It doesn't matter if he does or doesn't because in a few days it'll be illegal plus he's going to college this summer. So if we did like each other, we'd still just be friends.

I begin to text him back suddenly angry.

~~~

You took my first kiss and that's it huh?

I thought you said it was ok
You seem mad

Ofc I'm mad!

Ik you would be
I'm sorry
Idk
Ig it was spur of the moment

So that's it?
Spur of the moment?

Yea?

I knew it
I knew you could never like me
I don't know why I had the smallest bit of hope
...Smh I'm an actual idiot

What?
What are you talking about?
I do like you

I don't mean as a friend Laurance

I do

Exactly
Idk why I even brought this up
Maybe I thought you'd change my mind
Maybe I wanted to yell at you

Don't

I already have it's too late

No I meant
{Typing...}

~~~

I roll my eyes putting my phone away as he continues texting me. I don't even care about what he has to say next.

"Lyrvanna!" I hear my name being shouted. It sounds like Laurance, I look at the top of the roof to see him peering over at me. "It was a typo! I really—" He's cut off by nearly slipping. He regains himself and steps back a little.

"Focus on yourself and get down from there!" I shout getting looks from people around me.

"Okay! Stay there! I'm coming down! Okay? Stay there!" He shouts running out of sight.

"No promises," I whispered before walking away.

Of course I'm not staying there, he probably just knows I'm mad and he wants to talk about it, I hate talking about feelings.

Time to avoid him forever or at least until this situation goes away.