Eye of the Beholder [Completed]

Chapter 14

       I feel so badly about even being here in Samuel's house after his mother rushed out like that. I didn't mean to upset her, but I did. Samuel has been ignoring me for over a month now, but every once and a while, when I am bringing him something, I catch him looking at me through the corner of my eye, but we never have direct eye contact. He looks away before my eyes can meet his.

      I glance over at the time on the stove. It's still pretty early in the morning. Samuel hasn't been taking any medicine besides the occasional pain medicine. There is no reason for me to go in his room right now. To heck with it. I need to make him talk. I barge into his room. My mouth falls open at the sight that I see. Samuel is laying in his bed asleep with his shirt off. His blanket is covering up all of what used to be his legs. If I didn't know he was missing both of his legs, I would not even be able to tell right now. What makes my mouth fall open is the fact that I can't deny that I'm definitely attracted to him. That's not a good thing. I gulp.

Before I can even think a coherent thought, his eyes snap open. He is not a heavy sleeper. He was in the war after all. His eyes meet mine. I don't look away. Neither does he. My eyes wander to his chest and down a little bit further....I can still feel his eyes on me as I do this. It's like I don't have control of my very own eyes. I'm pretty sure I look like a complete moron right now. He probably thinks I was just standing here like a perv watching him sleep while he is half-naked.

I shake my head and cast my eyes down to the floor. I'm just going to pretend that I just didn't do that and that he just didn't watch me do that.

"Your mom is upset that you haven't spoken to her since you have been home." I tell him, while looking at the floor.

He doesn't say anything. When I look up, I'm startled to see that he has sat straight up in his bed and he is still looking at me, with a strange expression on his face. It holds a mixture of hurt, anger, and humiliation.

"Why did you look at me like that and then look at the floor?" He asks.

"Why do you talk to me?" I ignore his question.

"Answer my question." He demands, with an edge to his voice.

"Look at you like what?" I ask him. I, honestly, don't know what my face was looking like while I was looking at him. I just know what I was thinking and feeling.

"You were looking at me like you were upset about something and then you looked down like you were disgusted...." He says, sounding defensive.

I can't help myself. I start laughing and then stop immediately when I see him glaring at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm just laughing because that's so stupid. Why would I be disgusted?" I ask, honestly. There is no reason for me to be disgusted.

He breaks eye contact and stares at a space above my head. "I'm not a real man anymore." He says, in a monotone voice.

That makes my heart break that he thinks that. I walk over towards his bed and crawl into the bed beside him. I feel him tense as I get closer. Once I'm sitting up beside him, I sigh, and turn my head to look at him. He's already looking at me. I've never been this close to his face before.

"You are a real man, Samuel. I'll tell you what I was thinking if you promise not to mention it ever again."

"Fine." He agrees.

I don't want to say this, but I think it will make him feel better. "When I was looking at you I was thinking that I was attracted to you , and when I looked down I was feeling bad about thinking that because I shouldn't be thinking about how good I think you look with your shirt off." I tell him all of this while staring at the doorknob to his room.

I wait for him to laugh in my face or do anything at all but all I hear is silence. This makes me take my eyes off of the door knob to look over at him to find him already looking at me. He doesn't look angry anymore, but he's looking at me with so much intensity.

"Why are YOU looking at me like that?" I ask him, with a small forced laugh.

"I didn't expect you to say that." His eyes roam over my face. I feel like I'm under a microscope right now and the microscope happens to be Samuel.