REM

Bathtub Fruit

Stepping into the bathtub for a shower, I kept expecting insects and spiders to drop down on me. My wife had the bright idea to grow hanging strawberries from the ceiling, which meant my extra long hot showers could steam them.

To be honest, I was a bit skeptical in the beginning since all of my attempts to grow the vine fruit had failed. Once they started growing though, I was excited to see what would happen. Every morning I would wake up in anticipation to see how far the plants had progressed. This morning, they were nearly acting as a shower curtain.

I shifted sideways around the short wall of vines, pulling the curtain the rest of the way as I began to wash myself that morning. The water felt warm against my skin, and since I wasn't cold, I didn't turn the temperature up to scalding hot.

"Sweetie," called out my wife.

"Yeah?" Rubbing shampoo into my hair.

"You didn't forget about lunch with my mother did you?"

Oh shit.

"That's today?" I asked, water continuing to pour over me as I lathered.

"Yes," she confirmed, pulling back the curtain.

I opened my eyes just enough to see her glancing down at my crotch.

"Really?"

"What?" She acted offended, but I knew she was joking. "If you hurry your butt up we'll have lots of time for cheesecake."

Batting a vine out of the way, I gave her a disapproving look. "Yeah, yeah, you always say that."

"Just hurry up," she instructed.

"I would if these darn vines weren't in the way."

"They were your idea," she retorted. "Don't look at me."

Shocked, "What? They were definitely your idea."

"Actually, they were yours, sweetie. I was complaining about your hot showers leaving too much moisture, so you suggested we do something about it. I mentioned getting some hanging strawberry plants and you agreed." Nodding her head she added, "So basically I just polished your idea."

My jaw hung open in defeat as I exhaled to keep water out of my mouth. I closed the curtain and continued with my shower.

"I love you!"

"I love you too," I mumbled back.