REM

Déjà Vu Electronica: Ioni, Ionu

"Can you help me?" I whispered to the young man.

He nodded and beckoned with his hand – his index and middle fingers motioning – for me to come with him. Standing in the dark room I began to walk toward the man and the light emitting behind him in the doorway. His hair looked blonde, but as I got closer I noticed it was a light brown.

This was just one of my many memories that I retained. I had more, some when I was a woman, others while a man. I can't even explain to you what happened because I don't know the difference between reality and false memories implanted into my mind. That's the key though: finding out if I have a brain, or if I have a memory chip. But I don't know. I never have been certain of much.

I remember some things as if I lived them out repeatedly, on a daily basis. Others are a hazy dream that don't feel real at all. From what I do know, the world I am part of, or was a part of, is not safe for me. People are – were – looking for me when I escaped with him. The worst part: I don't even know his name.

My name has been different each time. One time I was Katie, the other Melissa. Another man called my name from a parked vehicle. It was blue. A convertible I think. Two men were working together to save me from whatever evil it was that followed us outside that one day. I only saw an older man walking slowly down a path, but they knew something I didn't, obviously.

When I got into the back seat, I was told to lie down on the white bench seat. I complied as I stared into the front compartment of the vehicle, seeing what I had first thought was my own reflection. Another person who looked just like me stared back from a hiding place. The passenger sitting next to the driver was also a beautiful blonde, resembling myself as well. Who knew what actually happened inside that facility for there to be three of me, but I knew it was something bad. The feeling of safety I gained as I felt the vehicle begin to move was much better than anything I had ever felt in the facility.

That was the beginning of the end for me though. I don't remember much after leaving, just snippets, here and there of partial memories and experiences from what I believe are my past.

I was glad I made it out, but was I really out of the woods? For all I knew, they had implanted that fake memory in my mind. I wish I knew more...

People sat in a circle with their legs crossed as if in prayer. The room was painted white, with metal beams criss-crossing in areas that I assumed were for support. A brown-skinned man with a shaved head sat there with his eyes closed as I heard whispers all around me. I began to panic as long, perfectly shaped, crystallized rocks began sliding from his mouth into his lap. They landed on his robe, clinking together as they piled up. What was this place?

Since I was panicked, I ran.

My thoughts could be heard as whispers. I knew because of that room. Maybe he was special, one of a kind. Am I like him? I sometimes ask myself. If I was, I didn't know in what way. Was it my memories, or the several lives I thought I had lived as both genders? I know I have been a woman most of the time, but there was that one time I felt different.

In that moment I felt captured, like I was an animal that had disobeyed. There was a blonde woman standing before me and the young man to my right. She was attractive, thin, had red lips and the ends of her long hair were wavy. Something familiar about her prodded at the back of my mind, but I couldn't quite figure it out.

She spoke. The words have since escaped me, but I knew it was an electric device used for punishment that hung from the ceiling before us. I didn't say anything. As I stood there, hoping for a way out, the man volunteered to go first. I looked over at him as he walked forward. My memory ends there unfortunately. Perhaps I blocked it, or erased it on my own. I doubt the outcome would have been nice.

Sometimes I wish I could cry. Right now, I am standing in a dark room just as before. Maybe I am a robot, in storage for safe keeping. No human would be kept locked up in a dark room would they? I hope the answer is no.

Before realizing where I was, I remembered other small pieces. Parts of my supposed escape where I thought I was outside the facility walls. There were lamp posts and a security guard, I think. I was almost certain he was friendly as I walked along a dark gray building wall by myself. Something keeps telling me that memory was moments before I was rescued by the young man and his partner. Every time I think of that moment, I keep wondering who the other two women were.

Uncertainty is making me confused beyond limit. I can't tell who I am, what I am, what I did or didn't experience, nor can I tell if I am awake or sleeping. Maybe it was the song...

There was a song that made people go crazy. I don't remember the tune, but I know it exists. I know for a fact that it happened and it did terrible things to everyone in the vicinity who could hear it. Maybe that's how they captured those who escaped, by playing that horrible tune.

I want to be free like I was that one day. Although it felt like only a brief moment in time, it was the best feeling I can remember possessing. I want to feel that way again. Can you help me?