REM

Marooned

Lying in silence, I ignore the roars of the ocean waves that call to me. I keep my eyes closed so I don't see how my life has been left in shambles after the storm I tried to weather through with you aboard.

We were in the eye of the storm for a while and I could see it breaking in the distance when you were tossed overboard and I was left standing there – defenseless, alone, and unable to save you. I can still see the look of fear on your face as the ocean swallowed you whole with no remorse and no signs of giving you back. That image of you going overboard plays in my mind – over, and over again.

My heart is still beating, but I wish it was yours that I was feeling as I lie on these jagged rocks. Some are smoother than others – I can tell by the way my body lies across them, face down.

The rock which my face has settled on since before I awoke is cold to the touch, but even with the lack of warmth to comfort me, it still feels better than what I think I deserve. I should be at the bottom of the ocean, not you. If I had only twisted your arm to put on your life jacket sooner, none of this would have happened and you'd be shipwrecked just as I am now.

Moving my fingers, I feel the moss under them that covers the rocky shoreline; a soft comfort, yet another one which I feel I don't deserve. Even the salty air that I breathe in doesn't feel right as it enters my undeserving lungs.

I failed you. I failed us. If only I fought harder to protect you from the dangers of this world, maybe then would you still be here with me instead of drowned in an ocean of blame.

I'll never get over what happened, I'm certain of that. Lying here awkwardly on these rocks has given me some time to think about the events that unfolded and I can't help but blame myself for your death. Even though I know you would come back to tell me the blame was all yours, I can't accept that at all.

Our boat was only going to stay afloat for as long as we fought together and that's just what we did. You were caught off guard by the large wave and after all we had been through before, this time I wasn't able to pull you up out of the darkness as it swallowed you whole.

As I open my eyes for the first time since losing you, I realize just how stiff they have become. My eyelids feel as though they rusted shut and as I try to lift myself from the rocks, the rest of my body feels the same.

Bits and pieces of our boat are scattered all around me and some are still being pounded up against the rocks by the waves they ride on. Everything is reminding me of how shattered my life is now without you in it and I don't know if I'll ever get back out on the ocean again, sailing far and wide as a free soul.

One day I hope that you can forgive me, and perhaps one day I'll forgive myself as well for what transpired during those last moments we had together. Though the storm pressured us, beat us with forceful winds and chilled us to the bone, our fiery love just wasn't strong enough this time around.

In another life, in another world, maybe our souls shall cross paths again. When they do, I hope they recognize each other and dance together like they were always meant to.