REM

Beautiful Stranger

You visit me often enough that I wish I could call you more than a stranger, but that is what you are to me. Having never spoken to you, I feel teased when you walk into my life for a brief moment, only to exit as quickly as you came in.

When you grace me with your beauty and presence, I am mesmerized. In that moment there is nothing I would like more than to reach out and feel the warmth of your skin against mine. To be hand in hand with you, to dance, smile, share in a laugh, or even ask your name, any one of those things would set my mind at ease. The peace wouldn't last for very long, but it would lessen the effect of withdrawal that I feel, every time you leave me in a subconscious state.

I wake those mornings after you've visited feeling empty, feeling as though something is missing in my actual life. A piece to my puzzle perhaps, but you're not even real. Why do I miss you so much and feel such strong attraction towards you? I speculate that it's because I've been hurt so many times that I'm reaching out beyond the real world for someone who will never hurt me. A love that is momentarily real, then whisked away as I open my eyes can't be as bad as what I've felt here without you.

Your world only exists in my mind, as well as you. From your beautiful smile, to your flowing white dress, everything seems so perfect with you. I waited with my mother this time, hoping to introduce the two of you. You walked by, but caught a glimpse of me from the corner of your eye, turned around with that beautiful smile and took off your largely brimmed white hat as you stopped in front of me.

It was a moment that I won't soon forget, yet a moment cut too short for my liking. You noticed me as I waited for you, but then as you revealed your long, vibrant red hair, we locked eyes, only for a mere second before everything went black.

Waking up without you is the hardest part of my day. My morning is filled with the rising sun and a warm cup of apple cider to accompany my breakfast, but it's tasteless and dull in comparison to what you could give me in a dream. You could tell me you love me a million times before I had to go, releasing you back to where you were born.

Then again, maybe you aren't a figment of my imagination, but a rendering of what my heart truly desires. If I had created you for the sole purpose of keeping me company, I believe that I would have more control over our connections.

It's tough feeling hurt, empty, lacking motivation and even true passion for what I used to do all the time to keep myself happy. The enjoyment I used to get from life has been drained from me, dried up like a small pond with no bigger body of water to keep it on life support.

Isolated from all those before you, I wonder why they didn't stay. I wonder why you keep coming back, reminding me with a great big happy smile that you haven't left, and hopefully never will. You might be the hope that lives within me, given a body to represent the female form so I feel that strong connection to what I hold deep down.

Even if you are the embodiment of my hope, I can't help but miss you and long to love you like a real person. Obsession may consume me if you continue to visit, but my heart won't break like it usually does. If you come from it, then you will always be a part of me.

Learning to love myself was a challenge, but you're making it much easier when I seemingly forget to ignore the image I see in the mirror. What I hold within me on the inside is beautiful, you remind me of that every time I see you. Please don't ever stop, my hope, my love.