Life as a Secret *lesbian Story*

18

*Demi's POV*

After my concert that night, I was laying in bed, just thinking.

I decided to make a quick decision.

I pulled up my Instagram Dm's and I saw the 500 requested Dm's from fans and I rolled my eyes, before smiling a little.

I opened up me and Spencer's dm's. and I sent a dm in the spur of the moment.

[Hey, I hit Cali in three weeks. Wanna hang out?] 

I read that over and grumbled.

It reads so awkwardly! 

I hate when you're nervous for things because nothing seems normal.

A simple question turned into a nightmare.

I was gonna remove the message, when Spencer viewed it. 

I cursed to myself out loud, growling to myself..

[I mean, sure?]

I sighed to myself, letting my phone fall down to be next to me. 

What the fuck did I do?

I felt like hitting myself, feeling like an idiot.

I've never felt so emotionally confused about a person before. 

[You don't sound to rock solid about it]

[Sorry, I've been distracted today]

I didn't even respond, I just plugged my phone in and tried to fall asleep.

I woke up that next morning, in a confused state.

"LIFE HATES ME AND I HATE LIFE!" I huffed, entering my glam room since I have press today. 

"I'm so glad you're in a good mood" Cesar replied, turning on the straightener 

"Why are girls so confusing?" I grumbled, tossing my sweatshirt off so he can do my hair, I fixed my tank top so my boob wasn't falling out. 

"Guys wonder that all the time" I heard Nick's voice and I couldn't help but to laugh. 

"So, why are you saying girls are confusing?" He asked, sitting down on the sofa as Cesar was starting my hair.

"Because even with Joe, I have never felt this confused about what I feel for Spencer and I have only met her like twice! Then I messaged her last night and it was mega awkward"  I whined and he laughed. 

"Why do I feel like you'd be the guy of a girl and girl relationship?" Nick asked and I shrugged. 

"Why Do I feel like you're a girl of a girl to guy relationship?" I asked and Nick rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone. 

I sat in glam, lost in my own thoughts. 

When I finished glam, I felt a tap on my shoulder and I looked up, seeing Phil looking down at me.

"Why do I have to be the peace maker and or massager in you and Joe's relationship?" Phil asked, rolling his eyes. 

"What do you mean?" I questioned, moving some hair out of my face, picking up my phone.

"Whenever something happens in each other's lives, I gotta tell the other half because you both are chicken shits. Or if you get into a fight I gotta knock the sense back into your pea sized brains" He said and I glared at home.

"Alright, which one is it that you gotta tell me" I sighed, unlocking my phone, opening up my text messages seeing I had a message from Dallas. 

[Mom wants a family dinner when you get back in Cali. We're gonna be in Cali till the  23rd]

I sighed pretty loudly unaware that I did. 

"You're in a mood already" Phil grumbled.

"Get on with it" I groused, tossing my phone onto the floor feeling angry. 

"Demetria, you break your phone I'm not paying you to buy a new one" Phil warned and I rolled my eyes, picking at the nail polish on my fingernail. 

"Can you just tell me the news? No need for you to make me angry another day" I snapped, starting to feel really angry. 

"Joe made it official with Sophie" He announced and I snapped my head towards Phil's direction. 

"I needed to know this why?" I hissed, my jaw clenching. 

"Because someone decided to date someone, then have sex with them and then somehow someone in this room ended up pregnant with the other someone's child, and now they have problems. Can you guess who this someone is?" Phil asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

I shrugged.

"Kelsey?"

Phil glared at me, bending over to pick up my phone.

"Be glad it  isn't shattered" He grumbled, placing my phone on the makeup counter. 

I glared down at it, and it started buzzing. 

Jill started on my makeup as I got lost in my thoughts.

I started going down reasons of why feelings had to be so annoying and to why I needed to know that Joe was dating Sophie, and oddly that annoyed me.

I didn't like Joe . . . just I don't know this Sophie chick and what if she is a horrible person? I don't want her near my son.

I felt this anger build up within me, and I so badly wanted to hit something, break something, kill something or someone . . . 

I looked over at Phil and I knew he was watching me intently.

I looked down and my hands were shaking and my foot was tapping on the chair.

I moved my hands into a tight fist and I felt the anger rush through my blood.

I have no clue why I was so angry, but I felt like I couldn't control it.

It became to a point that I turned to Jill who was doing my makeup and I gave her a look, my eyes narrowed at  her and she put everything down and moved out of my way.

I got up quickly, and my hands that were in fists were shaking, my breathing increased and I quickly walked out of the room, not wanting to make more of a scene that I just had.

I started quickly walking down the hall, my hands shaking with pure anger as my heartrate quickened. 

I reached a room that had some workout equipment in it and I looked around, seeing if there was anything I could hit.

I saw boxing gloves and a punching bag in the corner and I geared up my hands, before I attacked the punching bag, my hands burning.

I hit it till I physically couldn't anymore.

I took the gloves off, seeing my hands slightly red. 

I didn't feel angry anymore, I felt really sad.

I ended up leaning against the wall, sliding down it, my head went into my hands that were on my knees and I started crying, and that crying turned into sobs and the sobs turned into a wail.

I had no clue why I was upset, why I was angry or why I cared, I just know that I was and that I do . . . and I had no way of controlling it.  

* * * *

Written on: 11 / 12 / 17 

Published on: 11 / 14 / 17

Word Count: 1137