Traveling Vivian

Chapter EightyFour - Close to Perfect

I knew all along that being on the road with three kids wasn’t going to be an easy trip. After getting a grumpy preteen daughter ready for her trip, I couldn’t imagine how I was as a twelve year old. Watching Ella grow brought me memories of my childhood. I remembered leaving one household into another as I struggled to find the right place. I remembered at one point, I was happy. Catherine was my mother to me. She cared and lectured me and somehow, I felt as if she was who I looked up to. I wanted to be a mother just like her.

After a little bit of arguing, Ella gave up on the conditions she had shot gun for the ride as well as control of the radio. I couldn’t disagree as long as she was coming with me. I knew I needed to tell Bentley and Ella their true origins and if I was to do it, I had to bring them back to Lubbock. That was where everything started.

Traveling to Lubbock from Aurora was at least a whole day and the kids weren’t too thrilled. I supplied us with dry foods, entertainment, and motel rentals. I was determined to arrive at five in the afternoon by tomorrow. However, I was more determined to see Phil. I tried to remember all the directions I searched on the internet for and after a few hours struggling, I went to the store and got myself a gps. I programmed it the moment I had it at home. The kids were still packing and throwing things at each other as they talked about the trip. Most importantly, the kids were coming with me.

Ella was thirteen, Bentley was twelve and Mint was now seven. Things weren’t easy with the three but at least at the end of the night, the three loved each other and regarded each other as a sibling. They weren’t fully related to each other but somehow, they were. Just by growing up together, calling me mommy, and having Jax as their father figure, it all made sense on how they thought of each other as full blood siblings. Bentley was the persuader of the three, especially when the two girls didn’t see eye to eye. And thinking back, I really didn’t regret Linlee giving up her son.

Life hasn’t been easy for me but I made the most of it. I tried to imagine life if I was just simple like if I was living with mawmaw or if Lady never had the knife struck through her, maybe my whole adventure would never begin and I would be that girl growing up in Lubbock, going to college and earning her business degree to become the heir of Daddy’s empire. Maybe just maybe, I would have met Calvin and we would have fallen madly in love and had three more babies. And then, maybe I would have never met Phil.

Tears stung my eyes as I wiped them away. At the loneliness of the nights, I thought of my torture. My endless sufferings in the home of Nurse Olie plagued as she pursued every way to break my soul. I closed my eyes as I tried to push the memories away. I was just three and half when she had me and I was set free when I was finally six. A chunk of my childhood was lost because of her cruelty.

Mint’s laughter roared through the halls as I wiped the tears away. Mint just turned seven and I looked up at the second floor as Ella made jokes about Bentley’s room. I was that age when Nurse Olie was caught. Seeing Mint happy made me happy. I knew in my lifetime, at that age, I wasn’t. I was torn and abused. I was a defenseless girl walking with no soul and no meaning in the world. I shook the tears as I tried to focus on the present.

I gazed around the room and saw abundance of photos of Jax. We had wedding pictures, baby pictures of Mint, family photos and successful frames of Jax’s business. I sighed as I covered the sofa seat with the protection covers. Jax was gone and though it has been almost a year, I can’t forget him. He was my husband. Though I clearly loved Calvin too; there was something about Jax that couldn’t let me forget him. He had that charisma, that energy, and the way he loved us. It was everything that I could have found in a husband. When he stepped in the room, his energy lightened the people’s spirits as they all turned their heads to look at him. He was the talk of everyone’s daily conversations. As we walked around the neighborhood, people couldn’t help but come up to him, asking questions, getting his autograph. He had that fire that was magnetic and suave.