Poem Cycle

Horrified

I always walked in this thin layer of ice

My memories are so vivid 

I always wish it wasn't so 

I dream to be like others

To have a happy family

I always pray 

Even though I know these prayers won't come true

This was the one thing keeping me alive from the horror

When I saw the murder right in front of my face

I couldn't say anything 

I was horrified

I was scared

I wish I can take away this memory in the back burner

But at the same time, I can't let go of this memory

The killer looked into my dim eyes

The eyes that were bloodthirsty 

The killer who saved my life

The killer who cursed my life

I wasn't sure if I should be thankful 

Or I should afraid and alarmed

I pray to God to erase my memories 

To take away my blessing and curse

I wish to fade away from this earth 

I still remember my earnest prayer

I remember how my prayer was partly a lie

I loved the killer too much 

I hated the killer too much

I never saw the killer the same again

I wish somebody will call my name with hope

I wish I never met that killer

Then I wouldn't have had these wonderful memories that warmed my heart

These memories that darken my heart until it was broken

I wish I didn't wait all these years for this person

Then I wouldn't increase my love for this person

Then I wouldn't lean on this person

Then my heart wouldn't be waiting for that one word

I wished the person would just call my name

How much I love it

I wish the person will come back 

But I wished the killer won't come back at the same time

I don't understand

Should I let go of that person

Should I hold on to that person

I didn't want this horror to start again

I didn't want this joy to start again at the same time

So I ended it all for myself

For the person I loved

The person who I longed for all my life

The person who became a murder of my friends and family

I hope I can forget everything

I hope I don't remember anything 

I want to erase the horror 

I want to erase the good memories

Say goodbye to this horrifying life 

Forget how horrified I felt with my life

I fell in love with a Vampire

So I ended it all

To save myself and the killer