Poem Cycle

Happy

I'm trying with all my might to save myself, but you say I'm wrong and I can't.

I gave up everything and you still claim I'm selfish.

I'm reveal myself and then you tell me there is no chance.

You say I have so much talent and potential, then why are you caging me like bird? 

I just want a taste of happiness, but you tell me I don't deserve it. 

One crash and you say I'm worthless. 

You are right about everything.

Especially, when you say I'm only good at breathing, eating, and sleeping.

The dark thoughts consume and haunt me 24/7.

I can't stop the tear fountain from forming. 

No words come out of my mouth. 

I don't know what to say.

I shut myself out since there is no point to try. 

My heart feels black, almost turning into ashes. 

I can't stop these teardrops from turning into an ocean.

It's not anybody's fault. 

Maybe just mine,

All it takes is me to change.

Why is hard to change what I have become? 

You keep telling me suppress myself and can't you see you are slowly killing me?

Can I just once just breathe and feel alive? 

Can I just be happy for a moment?

Just a second is enough, actually, maybe it is not.

I know what I need to do, but my heart keeps yearning for you.

I keep running towards you like I'm mad.

Why am I doing this to myself? 

Why did you turn me into a monster? 

You will never see, but my flaws. 

Why do I love you, especially when you are toxic to my soul every time.

You close all the doors and won't let me in.

Is there really no salvation for me?

Do I have to tear myself apart for you? 

Will it be enough? 

I can't remember who I was and am anymore.

What do you expect from the monster you created? 

Despite the endless tears, I'm happy as long as you are.