Poem Cycle

Validation

I never knew... anything in life.

I still don't know anything in life. 

Then what do I know in life? 

Clearly nothing...

That lead me to be a soulless and broken.

I have been searching for validation for my whole life...

A dream that will never come true, no matter how much or hard I tried.

A validation that ripped me apart and burned all the joys of life.

Yet, I kept chasing after it like a maniac on drugs.

I thought I was doing this for my own sake.

I still think I am doing this for my own selfish means.

I thought it was attainable someday if I work and try a little harder.

Just a little more everyday...

Sadly, I knew as a fact that someday is very, very far away.

Eventually, I knew deep down that maybe I had to chase after it for the rest of my life, even if I never reach it at the end.

A thought, I didn't want to face whatsoever.

Why do I keep chasing after it?

This validation ruined me to the point I hated every inch of my existence.

I hate myself more than anything, anything at all,

because I can't the accomplish the one thing I desperately want like a breath of fresh air.

I could feel my unworthiness every single breathing moment of my life.

Why am I leading myself to the dark, cold abyss? 

Did Satan go there to look for happiness, too?

Did he find his validation in life?

Did he find and fulfill his needs and wants to contentment and satisfactory?

Did he find his life purpose in the dark, cold abyss?

Or did he let the darkness spread to numb the pain?

Did it numb the suffering pain?

How long will it numb the pain?

Does it last forever?

Does it last a long time?

If it does, can I have some of it?

Why do I desperately need that approval when my worth is never appreciated or loved in the first place?

Just like how his worth was never appreciated or loved either.

I really pity myself and Satan