Knock On Wood (BoyxBoy)

chapter fifty-six.

Kevin rubbed the grey brace on Edd's pinky as he held his hand gently, and is thinking about how he never imagined it would be so hard to talk to someone that wasn't awake.

So, instead of talking, he just stares at Edd.  His long black hair is bound at the top by a white bandage that's wrapped around his head, and his skin looks pale.  Contrasting against his pale skin were his bright pink, slightly smiling, partly-open lips.  Kevin's heart ached as he lifted the hand of Edd's that he was holding to his lips and softly kissed it. 

He clears his throat, and decides that he knows what he wants to say now.

"You're still smiling, Edd," He whispers, afraid to talk too loud.  "You're always the last one smiling.  But l don't know how you can still smile."

He smiles in remembrance of Edd's constant state of optimism, but it soon fades.  "This is all my fault Edd," he says, looking at the dirty hospital floor.  "None of this would have happened if I hadn't told Emma that I'd meet up with her."

Kevin sighs. "You know, Edd, I used to date her.  Of course, I guess you did know that.  But, I don't think you know why we broke up."

Kevin thought for a minute before he decided to speak.  Did he really want to talk about this?  It's his a dark part of his past--a part that he hasn't spoken about since it happened.  And Edd wasn't awake, so what is the point in telling him?  It doesn't matter if there's no point to Kevin.

"She didn't take advantage of me physically.  I mean, she was a twig back then.  There was no way she'd have been able to hurt me.  She liked doing that mental shit, y'know?  Like lying about going out to a party and making fun of me," I chuckle and smile slightly.  "Hell, she used to use my guilt against me."

Kevin squeezes Edd's hand with both of his and rests his mouth against them, frowning.  "She talked about my parents a lot--saying stuff like, 'Would your mother appreciate you saying that?', or 'So what if we have a party at your house?  It's not like your dad's coming home any time soon.'"

Kevin sits up and leans back into his chair, not letting go of the hand he was holding.  "If you were awake right now, you'd probably be saying, 'Now, Kevin, why did you let her treat you like that?'  And, that's a good question.  How could I let that happen?  The answer is: I think I was just blinded.  Maybe by the false feeling of love I thought we shared?  I don't know anymore.  But I dealt with it for a long time.

"And don't get me wrong, Edd, it wasn't like that at first.  The first month was great.  We trusted each other, and we liked each other a lot.  But, I don't know what happened.  She probably got bored with me or something.  Who knows, right?  It's not like we ever really talked about it."

The curtain to Edd's half of the room opened slowly and quietly, but it was loud enough for Kevin's eyes to bolt towards the noise.  

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Barr, but visiting hours are over."

"Of course they are," Kevin mumbled, looking back at Edd.  He takes a deep breath and kisses Edd's hand again and walks out of the room.  He walks past the nurse without saying anything and left the hospital.

It took everything in him not to cry that day.

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