Knock On Wood (BoyxBoy)

chapter thirty-seven. kevin.

Sorry for the late update guys! I was super busy this weekend and I meant to update last night but I went to see The Jungle Book and got back hella late. Anyway, here is the latest chapter! Enjoy!

ו×

I feel anxious walking into school for some reason. Talking to Edd last week got my mind really thinking about how drastic this situation could actually be. I mean, sure, it's been months since the party and Jared hasn't said anything, but it still matters. It's still out there. Someone knows and could spread it around school.

Which makes me wonder why Jared hasn't opened his mouth and scream this juicy gossip to everyone and their brother. He hasn't had a problem doing so any other time, so why hasn't he done anything now? Has he forgotten? Does he not care anymore? Was he just trying to scare me?

Is he saving it for the future?

I know that I'm thinking too much, and I know that I say I don't care if word gets out about Edd and I dating, and I don't; honestly! It just isn't the right time yet. I just don't want it to be like that, either; as if it was just a secret that needed to be kept hidden. I want our coming out to be of our own free will. I want it to be when everyone is doing all right; when nobody is being bullied, and when nobody is being the bully, and when everything is calm.

On another note, having our relationship publicized would really make Edd's life a living hell. He's usually bullied for stupid things like his brain (which honestly doesn't make sense; why bully someone for being smart?), his vocabulary and basically just being fun to tease, but imagine adding gay into his description? I have no doubt in my mind that he'd make a black eye look as stylish as a t-shirt.

Sure, I could try to stop it. I could threaten people, fight, blackmail, but, what would that accomplish? I still won't be able to stop Edd from being harassed unless I am always with him.

I feel so many different emotions when I think about how bad it might be in the future.

For example: angry.

I'm so pissed that I'm so insignificant and can't do anything in this situation.

And I'm also so fucking heartbroken that I can't help Edd and he's just going to get hurt because of our relationship.

But mostly, I'm scared. I'm scared that Edd might break up with me. Scared that Jared might fucking win and ruin everything that I've done in this school; everything I've worked so hard for. Scared just thinking about the fact that Jared knows and he's just holding it inside.

It scares me most knowing that I may not be able to help Edd when he needs me most.