The Night School [GxG] [First Draft Edition]

Chapter Seventy-Two: Unwanted

"I don't like it." I stated as stubbornly and forcefully as I could while I was still hiccuping out little sobs.

"I know that, Hazel. You've told me eight times. But we've been over this. Feelings don't care if you want them or not." Megan rolled her eyes with an unamused look.

"Then how do I get rid of it?! I can get rid of anger, of jealousy, of fear- how the fuck do I get rid of sad?!" I grimaced at the new word on my tongue. I didn't like that word. Sad was a bad thing.

"A) if you've ever gotten rid of jealousy, I'd like to see the evidence because you haven't. B) you can't get rid of sadness unless you fix whatever is making you sad or you get help."

"Help! You! You're help! Fix me!" I moaned, pulling up my covers to stifle the embarrassing sounds of my crying.

"I'm not going to be able to fix this one. You're the one who hurt your girlfriend. You're gonna fix it, or you'll keep being sad." Megan groaned.

"So, if Grace stops being mad at me, I stop being sad?" I tried. How would I fix whatever was making me sad? What was making me sad?! Megan says Grace... What did Grace do to make me sad? Ugh, this is stupid! "Megan, just tell me how to feel better!"

"You have to fix your relationship or you'll keep being sad." Megan sighed, petting my hair again. "Why is your hair soft? Mine is all static." She pouted. I laughed a little, hysterically, in spite of myself.

"So... To not be sad, I have to make Grace fall out of love with me and be back with her?" Another sharp stab to my heart. "Ouch... Fuck... Is sad meant to hurt?"

"Sweetie, I think fixing your problem involves you accepting that Grace is in love with you and that you... You know... Have feelings for her." She said the last part quietly. I sat up.

"What feelings for her? This sad is for her? This is her fault?!" I growled, the pain worsening.

"No! Zel, stop it! None of this is Grace's fault. I meant that not being around her and without her being on good terms with you- that's making you sad." Megan rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"It didn't bother me before we started our relationship. Why is it bothering me now?" I demanded, irritated by not being in control of the stupid emotion.

"Because you're used to her, I guess. I mean, what if I just vanished? Last year, that was your own plan." Megan sighed.

"That's different. You and Grace are different. I was born with you. You saved me. Grace was- is just a flaw in my equations, as you put it." Another pang. God, it's like she was hurting me for everything I was doing to reestablish myself. Like her ghost didn't want me to function normally without her.

"She was a good flaw, Hazel. She loves you, for fuck's sake! Not many people would ever love you like she does. She wanted to help you, she'd taken every hit you'd thrown at her- she would have done more than I had to save you that night. And I think, if she'd've been there, she'd've died before she let anyone ground you or hurt you like Alexa did." Of source she brought that up. Granted, I had instigated, but it was her to place Grace at that nightmare of a past event.

"Then what makes this hit different? Why hasn't she come back for me yet?" I narrowed my eyes. "If she loves me, why isn't she here?"

"Because you rejected her, Hazel. You rejected her feelings for you, you rejected her desire to be close to you; she probably thinks you don't want her to be a part of your life at all." For some reason, each time Megan had me think of what I'd 'rejected', there was a hammering blow to my heart for each offense. "You betrayed her, Hazel. She thought you had some romantic feelings for her in return and you beyond broke her expectations- you acted like for however much she loved you, you hated her for it. You have to at least see how that could hurt someone!"