Accidently in Love

Chapter Seventy Six

Harry POV

The darkness around felt like all I had left. My brain was spinning in circles, trying to understand what I had seen, but suddenly everything just stopped. It was like I wasn't even alive anymore. The life had been drained from me and even if I could see, I felt that  when the sun finally came up I would be blind. I felt like I would be stuck in this darkness forever. It was the kind of darkness that makes your heart beat with fear, even though nothing is around you. But maybe thats what everyone is afraid of. The feeling of being alone. It was the only thing I could be certain was real. I was alone. No one to talk to, no one to hold, no one love, no one to trust. I didnt look at my watch to see what time it was, and my phone lay dead in my sweatshirt pocket. My legs carried me on and on, farther into the night, farther into the darkened world that lay ahead. 

I didn't know why I had ran. It was the only action I could think of doing, when the surge of pure anger hit me. It hit me so hard I had to fight to keep still. I had to will myself to not hurt Zayn, not to punch him and send him flying across the room in pain. He was your friend, I told myself. But not anymore. And Arianna. Arianna Arlington. The top model on 17 magazine. The starring actress in a big production flim. The beautiful movie star that stole my heart, then threw it away. She threw it away like it as worthless. Everything I had done for her, everything that I had endured for her, just to be thrown away in a matter of seconds. My legs started to give out on me when I thought of her. I had been walking so long, and all I needed was the memory of her to make them finally give up. I dropped to the ground, hitting it roughly with my knees. I winced in pain, feeling the surge of ache run through my body. At least I knew I was still there, I hadn't disappeared yet. Suddenly my feelings of hurt and saddness, turned into such an unfamilar feeling of anger that I knew I couldn't control. I dug my hands into the wet earth beneath me.

"YOU ALL LIED TO ME!!" I yelled, my voice reaching a pitch I thought I couldn't obtain. I threw the dirt into the darkness. 

"I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU ALL!!" I shouted. My voice echoed off every surface, sending my screams all around me. I dug deeper and deeper into the ground, as if maybe if I dug deep enough I would reach something beneath. Suddenly though, my powerful screams turned into uncontrollable sobbing. I felt like an idiot, crying so hard. I felt like a lost child who can't find his family, so he just gives up and cries. And you what? I do give up. I done. Im done with everything. Im done with false friendships and Im done with trying to fix them. Im done with cheating lies from the girl I thought I loved. Im done with people who think they can trampled all over me.  Then a thought came into my head that sent shivers up my spine. You can end it right now Harry. You don't have to be in this world. What is it to you anymore? Everyone you thought you loved, and loved you, never did. You trusted them, and they never trusted you. You don't have anyone. No one. Maybe you were living in your head this whole time. Maybe every relationship you had was one sided. Maybe you were the only one that ever cared. I tired to hold my breath, to stop me from sobbing and to stop me thinking like that. And in the second that I was quiet, I heard the soft sound of water, washing up on dirt, then falling back and making ripples on the surface. I didnt know I was by water. Where was I? I had been walking for what seemed like hours and hours. Where did I finally end up? I felt around the ground with my hands, feeling grass and dirt, and the deep holes I had made. I got up slowly, but felt dizzy and sick so I sat back down. Thats when I realized I was leaning against a tree. I turned around and pressed my hands against it. It was cold and rough, and really big. I felt some indentation in the bark as I skimmed my hands against the trunk. I stopped and moved my fingers along it, becasue it felt so unatural. I wish my phone wasn't dead so I see what this was.

But I didn't need to see it to know what it was. I knew damn well what it was. And I knew where I was  too. I didn't want to be here, but I knew thats where my legs had been taking me all along. I told myself I wasn't here, becasue the pain of this place that had brought such happy memories before, was now bringing nothing but an empty feeling. I ran my fingers very dilibertly over each rough letter in the bark. The first one was an A. Then the sideways heart that Ari had insisted on drawing. Then the H. A <3 H. Clear as day as if I could see it instead of feel it. I was in the park. The park that I had brought Ari to that one day. I had sat by the tree, waiting for her to come. When I feel asleep and woke up with her sweet scent in my nose and her soft arms wrapped around me. I had told her everything that day. I told her that I had tried out for the X Factor for her. I told her how long I had loved her, and she told me everything too. I can still picture her beautiful face, staring back at me with wide eyes when she remembered the day in 7th grade when I asked her to meet me, and she never did. I can remember the look on her face when I promised her I would never let her go, and she promised me she would never leave. My angry sobs had stopped, and now steady tears were just streaming down my face. This place had become ours. It was our litle private world that we had visited often since the day I first took her there. We had carved the letters on the tree, and I remember Ari smiling at me, when I held onto her hand, helping her to make the heart. The vision in my head felt so real, that I smiled back. But the wet tears on my face reminded me again of reality, and the smile on my face vanished into a blank expression.