Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

Free From That Box

Hunter's POV

Leah's stay in Barcelona had felt short, though I'd be seeing her in a few days as Amanda had invited me to the annual Williamson Christmas day, she'd invited Alexia too though I could sense my sister would eventually decline the invitation as she did most years. Neither of us had grown up particularly in love with the holiday and Alexia hadn't found an adoration for it since growing up. 
I'd driven Leah to the airport in the early hours of the morning, she'd booked her flight at a ridiculous time where I'd get no sleep before and I saw no point in going back to bed now, so I was sitting on the beach, it was a space I'd found myself a lot lately. 

It was long before the city had woken, especially as everyone had fallen into their winter slumps, I found myself with the joy of watching the sun rise over the horizon where the ocean kissed the sky. My fingers dug into the sand and my thoughts felt changed by the world that I was slowly begining to notice again. This was what really mattered; the sun, the sea and the sky. They'd be here long after me, long after anyone I knew. 

My mind felt as if it was driving round in circles yet the insanity seemed to hold every answer to my peace, to finding myself again because along the way I'd lost the essence of who I truly was, I'd lost the girl that joked at team dinners and made comments which everyone would just gasp at. I'd lost my perilous nature and shrunk into a shadow of the laughter I once had, my body had slowly been turning to stone and every one of my thoughts grew slow. It was almost like I felt how everyone else seemed. 
I think I'd always yearned for more than life was willing to give. Recently, I don't think my soul ever felt full, part of it had always been lost in the fantasies I'd had to leave behind, on the dreams which belonged to the past. Not the places of the past, not the situations and maybe not even the people, but me. 

I missed Nana. I missed Jill. I missed my old Arsenal teammates. 
But underneath all of that, I missed myself. I'd been missing myself for a long time, I now realized. 

I always remembered people telling me to think outside the box; that's what the teachers said, my coaches, my family, my friends. Think outside the box they all said. Well what was the box? Life? Society? Expectations? The people? The people as a group?
They want me to leave the group?
But why when you leave the group do they ask for you back with all these labels, all these names - reckless, dangerous, strange, unpresentable, someone to avoid, someone to fear. The ones that tell you to think outside the box, suddenly become the ones locking you in the box; in their bubble wrap. 
So what do they really want? 
Outside the box? Inside the box? Hop in, hop out. In. Out. In. Out. Neither will ever be right for them, they'll never call nothing perfect. Perfect. Imperfect. Toy with that idea of the fragility of their little box, their little glass box. 
They see. They see the world but do they ever really look? Do they ever want to look? They see it all from their little glass walls as they walk on their carpet of bubble wrap which they so apparently think outside of. They're kidding themselves, they're kidding us at least. Do they feel that the glass is so paper thin that they're free? Do they somehow believe that cracking open a window of their box if living on the edge? 
Are they that stupid, that trapped? That much of a fool? 

Maybe outside the box was meant for dreams, maybe it was a concept made more as a metaphor. But then why use that phrase? Think outside of the box. 
The minute you take a step outside of their glass house, there's a firing squad ready to shoot you down. Down, down you go. And then you're gone, dead and buried right outside their little glass box. 

I didn't want to be in their box anymore, I didn't want to have to play by those rules they loved and speak how they all expected me to. I'd never played that game, I'd never have won and I think that box was the one which almost killed me. Maybe it worked for most people, maybe it made them feel safe and as if they were a part of something, but I wanted to be something new. I wanted to be something magnificent, something no one else quite ever understood because that's who I'd once been. 
I welcomed that girl back with open arms, and after months of feeling nothing except from this torture, the sun rose again and I smiled as I saw its' reflection on the waves, which crashed out at shore and almost lapped at my feet. A quiet laugh passed my lips, I reached out and touched the water, feeling the ice on my fingertips as the breeze continued its journey back home. 

Life wasn't magically perfect, world hunger wasn't suddenly solved nor had I found a way to erase my past mistakes, but I had found myself again. Amongst all the chaos of my thoughts, I found the girl who'd thrived in it, the girl who hadn't ever needed a drink nor had she needed a blank wall to stare at because she'd known the world like a friend. Now I was greeting that dear old friend again as the tears pricked my eyes and laughter fell from my lips. My chest wasn't heavy anymore, I could breath and feel the salty air in my lungs, I touched the skin on my neck and felt alive. 
I probably looked like a mad woman they'd want to put back in that glass house, but I'd refuse to ever go back there. I wouldn't follow every one of their rules or speak how they'd prefer because how could anyone ever achieve anything if their limit was four walls and an ever-encroaching ceiling?

I didn't want to see that world through the glass, I wanted to be able to hold it in my hands and walk alongside it as I left a mark no one would forget. 

It was marvelous, the world thrilled me and I looked at everything as if I was seeing it for the first time, sand between my toes and the wind in my hair. I was free. Finally free from that box. 

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would you like me to write about her christmas break or move onto the next section of the story which will bring Jill soon back into the book? 

also I feel the story might be moving quite quickly and almost feel disjointed - I'm not sure if I'm making this up or not so please let me know!