Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

She'd Been Strong

Hunter's POV

Life was passing me by like a train rolling past its' station, I didn't bother to get up for the transport, nor did I make the effort to jump onto the next. People's words washed over me and changes went unnoticed for I was stuck inside the numbness of the crashing waves and throbbing tides of my own mind. I was disappearing, I was not even half the soul I used to be and this abyss I'd fallen into seemed never ending. At first I'd wanted to return home to the light and warmth of my love, but at some point I'd given up on that too. Now I was just left sitting here, train after train passed me by, the nights arrived and rain poured down on me but none of it made any difference. I was gone. 
I was aware that time waited for no man and that as the hours passed by, she probably thought about me less and less. As the hours passed by, I thought less and less. My mind was blank, my eyes unmoving on that one spot on Alexia's wall, I'd shiver every hour as I felt the cashmere on my shoulders from when Mapi had insisted for me to get changed - they'd tossed her sweater to the ground like it had meant nothing. My mind almost broke free at that point, almost. 

I no longer wished to stay in this pit, but I'd forgotten what life even felt like. The ideas which Alexia said each night were fever dreams from lifetimes ago; the sun on my back, the cold waves lapping at my feet, the sand between my toes. I didn't remember living any of it, it was another girl who'd been there to experience those days of apparent sunshine and joy. 

I'd been in Spain for eight days according to Alexia, I couldn't argue with that fact considering my stay seemed like either an eternity or the blink of an eye. I was sober now. I wouldn't have called it an achievement though, considering I failed to string a sentence together most days, I doubt that I'd have been able to drown my sorrows with a bottle of whisky. I was drowned by my sorrows now, they'd now pulled me under and I'd been on that dark, ocean floor for longer than I thought possible. How was I still alive? How was I still breathing?

Alexia had found a therapist for me to talk to everyday. Well, she talked to me. I might nod or shake my head a couple of times each session, but I didn't trust the woman nor did I think her stupidly sweet words would change the course of my downward spiral. 

I suddenly heard a crash from the next room, the sound shocked my body and almost pushed my mind into reality. I slowly stood up, not even planning my next move as I walked into Alexia's kitchen. My eyes numbly scanned the room, seeing nothing and no-one. Though as I took a step towards the island, I saw the smashed glass and my sister on the floor. She wasn't hurt though, at least not in the bleeding sense. 
Alexia was crumpled on the floor, tears rolling down her face as desperate sobs escaped her throat. I just stood there. I'd never seen my sister so broken, I'd never seen this hopelessness on her face or defeat in her eyes. I'd never seen my sister be anything but strong. When Nana died, she'd been strong. When we'd lost a final, she'd been strong. When I'd left for England, she'd been strong. 

But now... But now Alexia seemed broken. She was broken and I didn't know what to do about it. It was like I couldn't move, it was like my body belonged to someone else. 

Her name left my mouth quiet as a whisper, the sound had been a challenge to push through the dryness of my throat and the muzzle over my mouth, "Lex?"

Alexia was quick to wipe a hand over her face and look up, her eyes widened once she'd seen me standing above her, "Are you alright? What do you need?" She was in a hurry to ask and suddenly it didn't seem like she was broken after all. 

I looked back to the floor, seeing the shattered glass, "Why were you crying?" My voice was like a whisper in the wind, it would've been lost if my sister was standing any further away. 

Alexia shook her head, "It's nothing. Nothing you need to worry about."

I knew she was lying. Alexia didn't cry for 'nothing', but after having a blank mind for weeks on end, thoughts weren't exactly easy to come by. I used to know my sister like the back of my hand but now I looked at her and was unable to read her mind or even decipher the emotions painted on her face. 

My eyes casted to the window, I saw the breeze blowing through the trees and the people walking the streets of the city I'd once loved. I then saw the dog by my feet, Alexia's little Pomeranian, Narla. 

"I'm going to take Narla out for a walk," I breathed, realizing that I'd forgotten what fresh air even felt like. 

Alexia's eyes widened, I expected her to question my decision or maybe try and talk me out of it but instead she nodded, "I'll come with you," she replied without even a second of hesitation. 

"Okay," I looked at my sister, still the world felt so far away and like I lived through the eyes of someone else, but I picked up my shoes and put on the coat which Alexia passed to me.

Neither of us said another word as I followed Alexia down the hallway of her apartment complex, holding onto the leash and looking down to the dog which walked between us. There was this knot in my chest, making it difficult to ever take a full breath but I continued into the lift and felt the floors pass us by as I realized that I didn't even remember how I'd gotten to Spain. I didn't even remember leaving London, though I doubted Alexia would ever let me return.
I'd said goodbye to the place I'd once called home without ever knowing it. London wasn't the thing I missed though, I didn't yearn to see Big Ben or that iconic skyline, instead I yearned to feel the warmth of her hand in mine or to hear the sound of her laughter after a long day on the pitch. 

We walked onto the streets of Barcelona, Alexia led us to the beach and I could feel that breeze in my hair and taste the salt on my lips. The air was cool, almost bitter, but my lungs felt fresh, my body almost felt clear. 

"You like it?" Alexia asked me, I saw her stop in her tracks and stare towards the ocean. 

"Like what?" I wondered, following her lead as always; I hadn't felt like a child in such a long time, but as I stood there I felt young enough for the world to be new, I felt naive enough to almost trust life again.

"The view," She told me, there was a small smile lining Alexia's lips.

I looked back towards the ocean, seeing the horizon so far away and the white waves which lapped towards my feet in touching distance. It went on forever, or at least it felt like it did. It must have been so easy to get lost in the ocean, it must have been so easy to loose yourself to those waves and succumb to the current. But with a view like that, it seemed worth the fight to stay at the surface, it seemed worth the work to see every sunset and every sunrise, it felt like the rewards would be endless to travel every part of the ocean and see every gem it had concealed. 

"Was it worth leaving the apartment?" Alexia asked. 

I was finally looking at something. I could finally look at something. It was me in this moment rather than the remnants of the body I was once, "it was," I sighed, "I think it really was."

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I'm not sure if I like how I've written this chapter, what are your thoughts?