Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

Those Wounds Wouldn't Heal

Hunter's POV

It had been a rough night of sleep, I'd wake up every so often with the panic of being back there. The panic of being back with him. Then I'd see Jill's face, so peaceful, and I'd calm down, lying back in her arms and wishing to stay there forever. It was a wonderful feeling until I remembered the evening I'd had. 

They didn't love me. They didn't love me. They didn't love me. 

I didn't understand how I'd ever come to terms with that fact when it wounded me so deeply. It felt like a cut that would never turn into a scar, it would just bleed forever. 

And then the exhaustion would take over once again, forcing me back into sleep until the cycle started again. 

Much as felt safe in Jill's arms, I wanted to go home to Spain. I needed my sister and Mapi, I needed people who understood it all. Jill wasn't one of them, yet.

I woke up again, seeing the sunlight begining to pour into the room and I knew I could finally get up. I don't think I'd ever been relived for that time to come, but I wished for nothing more than to get away from everything to do with the Arsenal team. 

I still loved them with everything I had, but they'd tortured me for years and I'd somehow only seen it now. Those wounds wouldn't heal, even with time, so I just had to be careful not to receive anymore injuries along the way.

Slowly, careful not to wake Jill, I slipped out of the bed, having to crawl towards the end so I wouldn't disturb the sleeping Dutch. I stood there for a second, a light smile as I looked at her face. I wasn't often sentimental but something about the way Jill's smile always lay on her face, like a stream flowing gently in the summer sparkled by stardust, just struck a chord in my heart. I mean, how couldn't it?
How couldn't one get drawn to something so kind and pure?

Jill was like the clouds in their whitest, lightest form which meant sunny days were upon us. I was like the clouds when they turned grey, lightning striking from their darkness and thunder following their shadows. 

It felt like Jill and I were never supposed to meet but somehow we had. And I thanked the universe for that, I thanked the universe that it had blessed me with one beautiful soul before revealing the ugliness of everyone elses'.
Aside from Leah and Lia of course, they'd forever be angels. 

I turned around, feeling unsure if I'd see Jill anytime soon but my soul seemed strangely at peace with that thought. Perhaps I knew that no mater how long I left for, she'd still be there. I trusted she'd wait. 

Slipping on my trainers, I gave one final glance to Jill, still fast asleep, and then I slipped out of the door, shutting it silently behind me.

Today would be difficult. Tomorrow would be difficult. The next day would be difficult and then probably every single one to follow. 

I'd lost a family yesterday, the family I'd treasured the most. The family I'd trusted with my heart since I was thirteen years old. 

I didn't want to say goodbye, so I didn't. I knew I'd be back soon enough physically, though emotionally I felt they'd lost me. However now I wasn't theirs', I was just lost. But in that case, my spirit should've felt free to soar into the highest tree tops and land on the furthest mountain peaks but I felt caged more than ever; I felt held to the ground, drowned beneath the waters. 

Walking into the reception, I tried to compose myself knowing Ona would already be there and she was. I saw the brunette sitting in a chair, scrolling through her phone, unaware of the wreck she was picking up. 

A wreck; a ship that had once sailed the oceans beautifully, gliding through those sparkling waters and was now just the bones. I felt stranded, like the soul had been stripped from inside my being and my heart beat for the pure purpose of staying alive rather than the people and things I loved. 

"Hunter!" Ona waved, that bright smile gracing her face the moment she saw me.

I couldn't manage to reply, I just stood there limply, trying to hold back the tears as it all caught up to me. I didn't even try to run though, I'd given up with the chase because the cat would always catch the mouse eventually; the teasing only motivated the cat more. 

"Hunter," Ona said again, but with worry as she furrowed her eyebrows and then brought me into a hug, "What's wrong bonita?"

I sobbed, hiding my face in the crook of Ona's neck, "It all went wrong Ons, it's all gone wrong."

Ona pulled away, holding me by the shoulders as she studied my face, wiping the tears from my cheeks, "It's going to be fine Hunter, I promise you. Whatever has happened will work out eventually."

I shook my head, almost embarrassed of the mess I'd become, "It won't though, not this time."

Ona held a palm to my cheek, "If that is the case, then it will stop hurting one day."

It was a sentiment that only made me cry more, Ona had this beautiful philosophy about everything the world encased. When she told me things would be fine, I'd usually believe her but this time I couldn't. 

"Where's your suitcase?" She asked me.

I then realized I'd forgotten my luggage, I hid my face in my hands, annoyed to have much such an obvious mistake. The war had only just begun and I'd already lost my mind; the most powerful and only weapon I possessed.

"It's okay, it's okay," Ona told me softly, pulling my hands into hers', "I will go and get it. Where is it?"

"It's in my room," I sighed. 

"Have you got the key?" 

I handed the key to Ona, "Thankyou," I whispered.

"It's okay," She still smiled, "You stay here, I'll be back in a second."

I nodded, walking over to a chair and collapsed in it, bringing my knees towards my body as I practically curled up, hiding my head and wanting to disappear forever. 

It wasn't long until I heard a voice, though it wasn't the Spanish accent I was expecting, instead it was Dutch, "Hunter?" her voice husky from only just waking up. 

I looked up to see the worried eyes of Jill, "What?" I sighed, exhausted from a day which had barely begun.

"You left, I was worried," She told me. 

I wished I could've showed her the love I felt but I didn't want to be that girl anymore. I didn't want to hand love out like candy and then eventually end up destroyed from yet another betrayal. I now knew better than that, "Sorry," I muttered. 

"You look cold," Jill commented, concerned, "Take my hoodie."

I shook my head, "I'm fine Jill."

"No you're not," She admitted on behalf of myself, "You're crying and you look cold."

Immediately, I wiped the tears from my cheeks, "Now one problem is solved," I told her. 

Jill handed me a hoodie, "And now so is the other."

I lightly smiled, it was clearly fake, we both knew that, "Thankyou."

"It's nothing," she shook her head, "How are-"

From behind Jill, I saw Ona emerge, dragging my suitcase behind her, "I found it Hunts!" She told me proudly, trying to brighten the mood, "Oh sorry, should I give you two a moment?"

Jill went to speak but I shook my head, "We better get going," I looked apologetically at Jill. 

"Oh okay," Jill nodded, clearly disheartened, "I'll see you soon though," she almost questioned.

I didn't say anything but I brought her into a hug, thriving to be in her arms for one last moment before I pulled away. I didn't say goodbyes, I hated goodbyes in any sense but today I couldn't bring myself to say that dreaded word, so I left Jill standing in the foyer, as Ona quickly followed behind me. 

The car was already waiting to take us to the airport, I turned to the window, not wanting to see the sorrowed eyes that stood stranded in the hotel foyer. I couldn't face them right now, not when I longed to love them but knew I couldn't.