Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

Everything Flashed Before My Eyes

Jill's POV

"Jill," Viv shook my shoulder gently, "Jill we've landed."

"What?" I looked up to her as she pulled me back into the reality I'd once again slipped out of.

"We've landed. Look," She pointed to the window I sat beside.

I lent forward and saw that we'd in fact landed in London city airport, most of the squad had already left the plane or were gathering their things and I'd barely noticed we'd even taken off from the Netherlands. Time didn't seem to exist anymore. 

"I've got your bags," Viv told me, as her eyes searched for me to move, "come on, we need to get to the coach."

"Yeah," I nodded, furrowing my eyebrows and wondering why I couldn't seem to act like a normal person, why couldn't I just forget about her for an hour or two? I needed to get on with my own life, the life that I no longer shared with her; I needed to at least try.

I stood up and took my bag from Viv's hands, offering her a small smile as she led the way out of the national team's plane. 
Today was going to be the day that I let myself forget about her, before I'd felt this crushing sense of guilt for leaving even though I knew it was the right thing to do, but today was going to be the first step in living life again. Not her life. Not our life. But my life. 

Viv and I soon joined the rest of the squad and management team at the bottom of the runway. Lynn came over to stand by me, she knew something was wrong though I hadn't told her the truth - I hadn't told anyone except from Viv and Danielle. Though the whole squad had known Hunter and I were dating and they all knew about her absence at the Spanish camp and my plea not to come to the Dutch; I think everyone suspected we'd split but no one knew the whole truth and I wouldn't tell them because I'd always want to protect Hunter, I'd never be able to loose the memories of when our love had been pure. 

But today was the day I'd start putting myself and my life back together. 

"You alright?" I asked Lynn, continuing to smile until I might believe it too.

Lynn furrowed her eyebrows, she was confused by my question considering I'd been the person going through emotional breakdowns for the entire week, "Yeah, why?"

"Just checking," I shrugged, trying to ignore that lump in the back of my throat. 

"Are you okay?" Lynn asked me, continuing to walk by my side as everyone walked inside the airport.

Breathe, Jill. Just breathe. 

"I'm doing well thanks," I nodded, going to look Lynn in the eyes until I realized I was an awful liar so I let my eyes trail back to the floor again. 

"You're easy to read, you know?" She reminded me. 

I dryly chuckled, I wouldn't let the memory of her ruin another day, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure what's going on," Lynn hummed, "But something's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong," I assured her with a lazy smile on my face as we walked further into the main airport. 

Lynn gently put her hand on my shoulder and stopped me, while the other girls trailed slightly ahead, "You know you can talk to me Jill, right?" She checked with her chin down low so our eyes would finally meet, "You can tell me anything, I won't tell anyone. Okay?"

The air quickly became heavy, "I know," I breathed, "But really, there's nothing to tell."

Breathe Jill. Just breathe. Try to smile and maybe Lynn will believe you.
Try to smile and soon you might believe it.