Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

I'd Be An Awful Ghost

Hunter's POV

I wouldn't be a very good ghost. I'd cry when I was leaving and my transparent hands would desperately grasp for her skin as I mumbled in my sleep. I'm not particularly scary, at least, I never wanted to be with her, she never made me feel destructive even when I tore our entire world apart; I had wished to create an oasis filled with good morning kisses, the very best that I could do and a frightful amount of laughter.
I'd be an awful ghost actually, because I didn't want to haunt her. I'd simply loiter by the door, leave my scar and hope that she wouldn't forget me.

Her. She.

It hurt too much to say her name, it hurt too much to even think about it but every time I closed my eyes I was in a new hell because there her face was; those bright green eyes, that effortless smile. 

I'd gone to her house today. I'd walked the entire way there, the rain poured down on me as I walked the streets of North London in nothing apart from a pair of pajama shorts and an old jumper of Jill's. Of her's. I don't remember realizing the rain existed until I'd been in the dry of her doorway; I hadn't realized how cold the rain had been since I was offered warmth. I wasn't talking about the weather anymore.
But after that it was hazy, voices blurred and hands ran through my hair, I wished for it to be her hands but then I remembered hearing Viv's shout.

"Jill! Jill get down here!" She'd shouted, her voice close to my ears. 

Then there was silence, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs but my head had grown so heavy I couldn't look up to see her. Those green eyes. That precious face. Then came those words which broke my heart and lit the match which was the fire to burn down whatever good was left in my life, "I cannot help her." Jill's words were hopeless, they were blunt. 

And that was when everything had turned dark, maybe it was the many bottles from the day catching up with me or maybe it was the weight of my heart which my body could no longer bare, maybe it was the pain I wished to hide from and never see again. 

I'd gone to find Jill. I didn't even know why but I'd sat there for a week drinking my house dry and the only thought in my hollow mind was her. I wanted to say sorry, I wanted to show my regret but I think my heart had secretly wanted her to take me back. My heart was torn between protecting Jill and missing her; it was selfish to go to her house but I'd needed to see her. I thought she might have wanted to see me. Maybe she still did. 

I woke up in the back of Viv's car, startled to see Lisa sitting besides me. 

"Lisa?" I furrowed my eyebrows, panicked as to where they were driving me.

"Lay back down Hunter," Viv softly advised me from the front.

My head was spinning, my thoughts and emotions were flying at me a thousand miles an hour. "Where are we going?" I prayed I'd been in some terrible nightmare before and we were driving to Jill's house now where I'd be back home.

"We're driving you home," Lisa smiled at me.

I could barely even talk, my lungs were heavy and the air felt like poison, "To Jill?"

Lisa looked to her lap, falling into silence, my eyes danced between the pair of them, questioning their lack of answers. "Viv?" I asked, hoping she'd tell me the truth, and that it would be the one I so badly wanted.

Viv cleared her throat, "We are driving you back to your house Hunter."

I gulped, she must have been wrong; Jill would want to see me. "What about Jill?" I felt the world begin to spin, my head begin to spiral. 

Viv took a moment to answer, "She um-," there was another moment of silence, I felt the sympathy of Lisa's eyes on me, "She asked us to take you to your house."