Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

This Is For The Best

Leah was the last to arrive at training, a few members of the squad laughed and made jokes that it was the first time they'd ever beaten her there. Leah tried laughing at the jokes, though as her eyes caught in mine I knew she and I were in similar positions; Hunter had both been this brightness in our lives that we'd watched flicker and fade, now darkness had set in and both of us were being pulled into the ugliness of its shadows. 

The time came for training to begin and I could see everyone dawdling, waiting to see if Hunter would arrive and burst through those doors like the rocket she once was. Viv and Lisa looked at me, they knew the truth, they knew that Hunter wasn't going to arrive, the extra minutes we waited would just be an unanswered prayer for fate itself to change. 

"We should probably head out," Viv suggested, fidgeting with the hem of her top. 

"Probably," Lisa half-heartedly agreed.

I knew Hunter wasn't arriving but I felt like protesting and vowing to watch that door until she was here. I felt like if maybe I waited a minute or two, she'd just come back home, but I knew that wasn't the case. 

Beth shook her head and stood up before anyone could leave, "Don't you think we should wait a few more minutes to see if Hunts turns up?"

"Only fair," Manu nodded. 

"I think we should," Lotte agreed, with a few other members of the squad joining their hopeless fight. 

"She's not going to be here," Leah slowly croaked, avoiding everyone's eyes as she looked to the door which Viv had thankfully begun to open, "There's no point in waiting."

A few of the girls looked to me, after all you'd expect me to have all the answers and know exactly where Hunter was. They thought I'd return home to her and be the person by her side forever. I'd thought that at one point too. 

I gulped and looked down to the floor, shame washed over me like a wave I'd never dry off, "We should probably get out to training."

Everyone soundlessly walked out the door, looking between Leah and I for answers neither of us had. Hunter wasn't ours to care for anymore, we couldn't be the ones by her side to help her back to finding peace. We'd already tried and we'd already failed. 

Leah walked out in front of me, I contemplated pulling her back and checking if she was well but I already knew the answer to that question. In the strangest way possible, neither of us were ready to face one another, both our eyes were haunted by the girl we'd failed to save, yet loved whole-heartedly. Hunter had been the thing tying Leah and I together, it felt wrong talking to the blonde when I knew I might never see Hunter again. 

Training began and I tried to throw myself right into the warm up and drills, I tried loosing my mind in the pace of my stride and pattern of the ball. I tried to throw away everything I felt on that football pitch but it never worked because all I could remember was when I used to be with her on this football pitch. 

Joe soon walked out, accompanied by Jonas who would be taking over from him in a matter of days, though the man's face wasn't happy like usual, his walk wasn't as optimistic or full of energy considering the day had only just begun.
He gathered us into a group and let out a shaky sigh. The tension in the air rose and even whilst we were outside, I felt choked as if the sky was closing in on us. 

Leah and my eyes caught from across the group, I could see her jaw tense and her fingers clutch onto the top of her arms. It was almost like we knew what was coming, though I didn't even want to register the thought in my mind because it felt like giving up. It felt like giving up on her.